I had a strange dream this morning. I dreamt I was back in Belize. Back for a second stint as a volunteer marine conservationist. Times had changed from my first visit to Placencia. The projects abroad office and team were much larger in my dream, as well as being more organised, and it felt totally different to how it was back when I was there. They had a full team of experts, and the laid back attitude had gone. In my dream, I had trained to go back there, trained very hard I was a better swimmer and much stronger. I was pretty unfit when I was originally there, and I could not get into the boat. Because of various injuries, and being in my mid 40's, I found it difficult to climb in and out of the boat. One did not get a ladder, at least one was not supposed to. I always felt pathetic that I had to use the ladder to get into the boat as if I was a lesser man because of it. I could feel the scorn of the captain Tamba looking at me like I was a useless piece of driftwood. Belizians do not accept disabilities like we in Britain. I was called 'a cripple' many times because I have arthritis in my knees and have broken both my wrists and elbows. I know in our world, calling someone is disgraceful and inappropriate. However, out there it was the norm.
In my dream, it was much colder than normal, everyone was about 18, and I was 46, even though I had been diving over 50 times they told me that I would have to start in a swimming pool. In the dream I went mad, there was a new boss, a woman, and she said I was not at a high enough standard to dive. I ranted and raved and demanded my money back and to be sent home as this was an appalling way to treat me. She told me I was useless, and because of my age, I should have chosen a less demanding volunteer job. Please remember this was a dream, I am not in anyway implying Projects Abroad treat people like this, in fact, they bend over backwards to make you feel wanted and welcome. They are a great team to work with, which is probably why I found the dream so strange.
This anger in my dream woke me up and I was in a foul mood, wondering why I had such a dream. What as its purpose? It terrified me for a while. I wondered what it might mean, as all dreams have a connection to reality.
To be honest, I still am unable to find a connection. Nevertheless, it has brought back memories of being there. I am not sure why it has taken so long to discuss Belize, perhaps I will talk about it now and add some photos. It seems so far away now. When in Belize, I was lucky to have met so many amazing people from all sorts of backgrounds, from all over the world, and yet I never really stay in touch with them.
It is so easy to lose touch. It's like when you leave a place of work, the things that bonded you together are gone, and only the very few does one stay friends with, the ones you made a connection. I notice now when I am with the people I work with who are all very nice people, and we have bonded amazingly well and get on as well, which is a bonus, but all we ever talk about is work.
If I left now this second, I would quickly forget them, and they would quickly forget me, that is the life I suppose. They say the only true friends you keep for life are your school friends. Well if that's the case I'm totally fucked.