Blind Deaf and Dumb

I fly in my mind,

Whispering forgotten dreams,

Never knowing what it means,

I feel lost in clouds,

Perhaps I should shout out, loud,

Knowing it will not be heard,

As deafening as a vacuum,

All around, yet nowhere near,

Oh well I am not a seer,

Now, brought down to Earth by one’s own mind,

How kind, however now I am blind.

Reality of lies

We are alive in a place where life is not living,

Where the world we see is a fabrication,

An inherently evil creation,

Born out of frustration,

We have evolved to believe in oblivion,

That doom is the norm,

Considered by all to be there but forgotten,

Hidden behind rhetoric and scorn,

Until one day it is real,

And we then make it a big deal,

For we cannot conceal, the truth.

A Beast with Many Heads

Never understood that reason has no reason,

Decisions have major consequences,

Do I have the strength to honour myself?

Will the deal be good, or end in terrible tears,

I suspect it will end in tears, as the beast is stubborn,

As the Whore of Babylon had seven heads,

I face a beast with many heads,

Some more dangerous than others,

We will soon see the path I must take,

Let us pray they do not make a stupid mistake,

One easily avoided.

I dream of a day

I dream of a day when I wake up without anxiety,

I wake up without pain, and unbearable agony,

I dream of a day when the sheets are not soaked in sweat,

And I do not feel, I live every minute full of regret.

I dream of a day when I can feel the suns warmth on my skin,

I can look out at the ocean and know life can begin,

I dream of a day when I can see all the stars, shining, bright,

Just lying there looking up at them, oh what a sight.

I dream of day when your worries are gone,

Never forgotten just gone, even vanished,

I dream of the day when the world is all replenished,

Can one dream of such a day in this world we live in today.

A memory of the day at the sea, and how I wish I was back there now.

To live one’s life in total harmony,

Pain free, happiness assured,

Days of long summer sun,

Dashing around, having fun,

Laughter joy, great adventures,

Going places unknown with new friends,

Sand tickles the feet, as we walk along dune,

One after another single file, then running down to the sea,

I remember that day, it was one of those best days,

Wish I had had more, as you get older the thought seems so strange,

Makes you deranged, crazy with guilt, that its now out of range.

The plight of a lost soul demonised and left to rot in a hole

Everlasting was the love shown from all who met them,

Commiserations were said and grieved by many,

However, they were all deceiving themselves,

For they never cared a damn, only a few gave as much as received,

Sadness, tears, the end of an era is near, for the one whom they now mourn,

Spits on them, from the afterlife with degradation and scorn,

For selfishness rules and is led by many fools, for only fools begot, begat,

Perhaps to surrender and never once to duel; the fighting is over now,

When my soul rests ones weary spirit, when life is gone death is pretty cool.

Ban debt and make it illegal

The world has all this debt but what is it, it is nothing more than little bit of computer code held by the central banks.  Why not just get rid of it all, start a fresh, make everyone debt free, and then ban debt altogether.  Debt only serves to control to 99% who have debt, and makes the ones that hold all the debt very rich.  They are getting rich off other peoples misery.  They would sooner destroy a house, and, or, let it stand vacant than allow someone to live in it, because they cannot pay their debt.  What a sick society we live in. 

It is the same with illness, a wealthy company would sooner let you die than allow you to have lifesaving treatment because you did not pay your premium because you were in debt.  So they killed you.  Do they care, not one bit, as long as the shareholders and the CEO’s, CFO’s, VP’s and other higher ups get their share so what if a couple of hundred thousand people die.

The sickness that rules this world is turning the world back to the extremes of the 30’s, all they are waiting for is a new Hitler.  In fact the way things are going they don’t even need a new one of that evil beast, we are all doing a great job helping the rich get richer the debt ridden get poorer and in more debt.   Just look at what happened in the recent European elections.

God help us all when someone with the skills of a Hitler or Stalin and their sociopathic nature, but with charisma, charm and a unwavering desire, to destroy this appalling world we live in.

Housing - A Debt and Death Sentence

 I see housing prices are rising again, I am sure everyone is very happy, especially the estate agents. People can con themselves into thinking they are going to get a great price for their house, forgetting that the house that they will be buying will have also increased.  More people will start to get mortgages they cannot afford, and the spiral into madness will begin again.  When will we ever learn?

If ever there was a stupid idea and concept, it was to set inflation, mostly through house prices, to set the countries debt and wealth through the fickle market of house pricing.  House prices should be cheap they should be affordable, without the need to have sell your soul to the lending devil, for life.  Once you join the housing ladder you are a slave forever, they instantly control you, because what can you do, you never own the house until retirement age, and that is if you are lucky.  I bet many people have mortgages that go passed retirement age.  Think of all the undue stress caused the extra strain on our wonderful underfunded NHS. What are you going to do when you have a house that is worth less than the amount you own, not now, but when you are 60, or 65, perhaps even 70? 

A house should be a stable price and it should only be to the value of the building of the property and the profit made by the builders and landowners.  Heart disease will not be the main killer in 10 or 20 years’ time, it will be house prices.  Do we really want to go the way of the Japanese, where the house is a burden not just for yourself, but also for the rest of your family, forever?

You know how may terraced houses I pass every day that are boarded up, and empty, unused, how many new council houses are the government building?   The crap one I live in is so bad they will not even give me a shower; yes in this day and age I have to use a bath.  The building has windows that are falling apart the whole building should be brought down, and new types of housing built in its place.  Buying your own property unless you can afford to buy it outright, which 99% of cannot afford to do, is a debt and death sentence not just for you but for the rest of your family as well.

The thin line between life and death

I broke my wrist and my collarbone in a cycle accident.  I do not really remember what happened, so this is what I think happened.  I was late in meeting someone, and was probably going to fast down a hill, which I had gone down many times before, when I must have seen a tree heading towards me.  I imagine since my bike is unharmed that I slammed my brakes on too hard, and went flying over the top.  I must have been holding out my hands to try and cushion the impact, but that did not work.  I slammed into the tree, breaking my right wrist and now likely fracturing my left wrist as well, as it is starting to go black and blue.  If I am honest, I must have been going around 25/30 miles an hour down a steep hill, far too fast in hindsight.

The amazing thing is that if I slammed the brakes on and flew straight over the top, hitting the tree first with my hands.  I should have carried on and hit the tree with my head.  This would have snapped my neck like a twig, but somehow I changed my direction in mid-air and hit the tree grazing my right cheek and smashing into my right collarbone which I broke.  I also damaged my left leg and my back is sore as well.  I think I was unconscious for about half an hour, as the time I started that particular track, it was 1:15, and by the time I decided I better hurry up because, I was late, it was 1:45.

Luckily, for me some kind cyclists saw me, and they helped me. They were surprised I was trying to get back on my bike, but I knew they must have been there a while as the ambulance arrived immediately, as soon as we reached the end of the pathway, there was the ambulance car, not a proper ambulance, that arrived soon after.  I was in shock and in quite a bit of pain, my whole body felt like the hulk had just slammed me against a wall.

The first ambulance guy thought I had a concussion, because I was repeating myself, but it was only shock, I was in gaga land.  The second ambulance arrived and they checked me over, they knew immediately I had either broken or fractured my collarbone, they put a sling from my right arm, cut my t-shit open; I looked like Bruce Banner after he has changed back, only I was starting to go black and blue.  To be honest I felt fine, they asked if I wanted morphine or Paracetamol, quite a difference I thought, but since I did not feel that much pain, I said Paracetamol.  The pain came later.  Adrenaline must have been coursing through my body, as I felt quite hyper.

The most unconformable part of the whole experience at this point was lying on their gurneys, they are the most uncomfortable things, and I could not move into a better position, so I sat with pain in my backside as well as my arm and wrist.

Arriving at the hospital, quickly they moved me straight into a large room with other patients, they gave me 60 mg of codeine, and a doctor immediately asked me where the pain was.  I was not very coherent at this time, as I only told them about my arm and my collarbone; I forgot my leg and my other wrist.   I did ask is this a new section of casualty, as I had never seen it before, the nurse said, “No this is for serious accidents”, which cheered me up no end.  Within seconds they rushed me down to x-ray, where they confirmed I had either broken or fractured - I cannot remember which, my collarbone and my wrist. 

Soon after, I had not been in for long; a young nurse came and started putting what they call a soft plaster on my right forearm and wrist.  It was her first time unassisted, and she was very nice, as were all the nurses and doctors.  They did not check me over or give me a full medical so to speak, they just plastered my wrist, and then gave me some pills and sent me out the door for a waiting taxi.  I think I had been in less than two hours. Since then I have had to go back to the doctors, as my left knee is extremely sore, plus the soft plaster has come off, I am not sure what happens next, do they have to put another one on.  I have an appointment to have an x-ray on my left knee, and I have a physio session booked for the 11th June, I could have had it earlier but I wanted my body time to try and heal itself.

Overall, it was quite an experience, and another one to add the long list of accidents I have had.  In a strange way I feel incredibly lucky, first that somehow my body manoeuvred itself so that the only part that did not get any sustained injury was my neck and head.  How this happened I will never as know, if I had hit the tree as I should have, I would have broken my neck without a doubt, and I would not be sitting here typing now, so I feel extremely lucky.  I feel lucky that three kind people were passing around the time of my accident.  I feel lucky that I had such excellent paramedics that got me to hospital quickly and had a very nice attitude towards the situation.  I feel lucky I had such caring nurses and a doctor who was not your usual type.   She showed empathy and was good at her job, considering she was looking after about six or seven patients at the same time.

Most of all I feel lucky to be alive, it was not my time, and yet it could have been, it is amazing how small the difference between life and death occurs.  This is the third time I have survived death by the narrowest of margins, so that’s three lives gone only six more to go.

Bike Accident

Broke my wrist and shoulder yesterday,

Law of averages said it would happen,

In fact, I knew for some reason that it would be this day,

As I slammed my breaks on and went over bike into a tree,

My hand hit first the force smashed my wrist,

 My left knee was next but they never checked that,

Then the worst part of it all,

 As I flew through the air and my right, shoulder hit full on.

You could actually say I was lucky,

Six inches to the right and my head would have hit,

With such a force to break my neck,

So even though my shoulder is in pain,

I am at least at home and not in the morgue,

Got to take the positive out of every bad situation,

My bike is fine how nice, another consolation,

It took a while to remember it all.

Supposedly, I was unconscious when a caring bike rider helped,

Yet I managed to start to stumble towards the track, not really sure why,

They called the ambulance and I was rushed away,

The hospital visit was such a short stay,

Still they were excellent and very efficient,

I was x-rayed, plastered and out the door in two hours,

My arm felt fine, but my shoulder was in agony,

Plus in their haste, they had forgotten my knee.

Still I managed to hobble to the taxi,

Another job done by the guys in casualty,

Today I just feel, tired and groggy,

Wrist seems fine no pain, shoulder still in agony,

You cannot move or do anything,

Trying to get out of bed sends down an extreme sting,

I dread having to bathe, and go to the loo,

At least I learn to use my left hand plenty woohoo.

A Thousand Days in a Millisecond

If I could see a thousand days in a millisecond, would I be light,

A thousands days as if by magic seen and remembered,

What would one do with all those memories, what would one become?

How powerful one would be if that millisecond continued into a minute,

How many days would that end up being, how many memories?

A minute is all one can take, a minute is long enough,
To work out how the universe works,

And yet, this is what our brain does, every minute, we are alive,

Why is it then, that we are only privy to one of those moments?

What happens to the rest, what happens to them when you are dead?

My soul lives in a black hole

There is inside every young child, a tiny deep black hole,

And inside there without a care, we all have our souls,

This black hole so deep and yet so tiny, you never realise,

Your soul is you, full of energy, joy and of course a little bit of phew….

Variosa Explosa

Which is real and which are not, who know, who cares

Forgiveness

Die my fellow earthlings live,

For there is only one person who can forgive,

And who is that one that takes away your pain,

It is by god - you, as long as you believe in forgiveness train,

Then all your happiness will come down on you,
You will see a difference and it will help you through,

For life is for living and to live is to forgive,

And pain is the destroyer forgiveness forgives.

How does one write about love?

Does one have to be in love to write about love, does one need to understand the emotion, the sensuality that goes through one’s mind when in love?  What is love, is it the beating of two hearts as one, the joining of souls, the accumulation of all that has meaning in life.  Can one imagine a life without love, or being in love, does the earth move without it?  Does one feel the tenderness and lush sense of adoration?  See into her eyes, pools of ocean blue, emerald green, deepest chocolate; caress her silky smooth body, kiss her blood red lips.  Move together to the rhythm of the music, never does one’s eyes see anything but the beauty in front, the heavenly body, the face to adorn a painting, the hair of golden, raven, or rouge.  I can smell her scent; I imagine her standing there in front of me, looking at me with that look so delicious, I love you that sends you wild with desire, burning hot, molten intensity, nothing exists, only in love.