My psychiatrist recently suggested taking Trazadone to help with my anxiety and depression. After taking the first pill, I did not find it allowed me to sleep, but the next day I woke up feeling terrible. I suffered what felt like a migraine and flu-like symptoms across my whole body. Tuesday, unfortunately, was the day the insensitive insurance bloke called, and I suffered a total mental breakdown. Wednesday was the same, and it also contributed to severe constipation which I have never suffered with before. By Friday, the pains in my body were reducing, and the headaches were less severe. Saturday, the headaches were gone; however, one side effect was still there that was not so noticeable. I was feeling tense and agitated, and everything seemed to be making me feel angry and distrustful. After the call from the insurance bloke. My mind started to overthink, especially about my employer. Being suspicious is what happens to me now as I feel I have to follow my intuition as too many times in the past; my intuition was correct.
The problem I find with my mental health is I have suffered many bad experiences in my life, and it has made me paranoid at times. My head says my employer is a good company and only have my best interests at heart. However, my intuition thinks something is not quite right about the situation I find myself in. I should have had a call from the occupational therapist who said she was a doctor. I started to think am I delusional, do I imagine situations that are not true. I feel confident she told me she would call within 4-6 weeks and now it is nine weeks. She said I would get a more straightforward job, so I did not feel suicidal. I was encouraged by how she talked to me, she gave me some of my confidence back, and I assumed I would be back to work by October.
I did not get back to work because she never called me, and so I started to overthink why she had not called. I presume it is because we are in the middle of a pandemic and they don't have any jobs to give me. Nevertheless, my thoughts were less rational and more irrational. I started to spiral downhill quickly to the point of taking the overdose to feel some happiness. As well as the mental illness, I also had serve pain in my knees, which was bringing me down as I tried to walk and could not walk for very long without extreme pain. Anxiety, depression and severe pain in the knees together were making me feel worse.
Luckily from this very depressing situation, I have several appoints with doctors about all my many ailments. I have an appointment every day next week and some the week after, which hopefully will start to make me feel better. But what about my employer? They are unable to sack me as I have asked them several times to let me go, to ease the stress my situation was causing. The occupational therapist mentioned that the disability act covers me and helps me to find a less stressful job with my employer, but that is very difficult due to COVID.
I hope my meds start to work on the depression soon, as it has reduced anxiety a little bit. I am in the worst position presently that the future is unknown, and that increases my overthinking and accentuates my anxiety tenfold.
Fingers crossed things start to improve soon, however, with COVID increasing where I live and possible full-scale lockdown over the winter, I think everyone will be suffering from depression by January.
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