Saturday, 29 December 2012

Surprise Meeting 3

“Well what the hell am I supposed to know about dimensions?  I am a galactic historian.  I know the cultures of alien worlds and their histories, nothing more, especially nothing to do with dimensions.”

“There must be a connection somewhere Mr Elliot.”

“Please just call me James.”

“And you can call me Weasties.”

“Look now the pleasantries are out of the way I suggest we leave Earth and head towards Andromeda,” said Lord Jack.

“Andromeda, the galaxy?” asked James.

“Yes the bloody galaxy,” barked Lord James.  “The central council is there, and we can visit Sacria, I am sure that is where we need to start.”

“Before we do anything I want to see this mail you received.  I want to know that this is all for real.”

Lord Jack rushed his hand towards a wall and a giant screen flashed into view.  The message was in two parts, first written, then a short video clip. 

The message read. 

You are Lord Jackson Elliot, explorer, and adventurer.  You have been looking for the Diad Gloxal, on the world of Sacria, I believe you have found this and I believe you can use this device for time travel to other dimensions.  I know this and now I am telling you this.  I also know your son James Elliot, the prominent Galactic Historian secretly tries to harness Neutronic Energy, advancing the chances of travelling to far off galaxies.  I believe that if you combine your Diad Gloxal and your sons Neutronic Energy you will find the answer to dimensional time travel.  I know this to be true.  You may ask why I do not just capture you Lord Jack, and your son, and force you to create the device.  I am aware that this is impossible, there are many sequences to be competed and I do not have the time or the patience to do them myself.  I have a criminal empire to run.  You will do my donkeywork and I will keep your family as insurance.  I know it is possible, I know you are capable of completing the task, and if I am wrong, well, I will not suffer.

To make sure you both work as hard as possible to discover the incredible device, I have taken your whole family.  I will not name names, but I have added a short video clip of all of them so you are definitely certain I am serious and not deceiving you.  The video clips will show you how serious and determined I am for you to succeed.  If you succeed, your family will be set free.

I expect results, from you both.  If you do not comply, I will torture, then kill each one of your kin one by one, without any remorse or feeling of guilt.  It will be a pleasure to rape and defile them all; I will make sure they suffer immeasurable pain and agony over a sustained period.  This period will start after 50 stellar days from today.  I believe this is sufficient time to work out dimensional time travel.

You may think this is a hoax, but once you have seen the video clip you will not think so.  My name is Dor Lor Mada, I am the leader of the Pravai Dorka, and my group and I reside on Hadronia.  I have no qualms in telling you this, since you have no chance of ever setting foot on this planet.  If you do try to rescue your family, in some vain attempt, using your vast wealth Lord Jack, pain and extreme misery will be the only conclusion to this deal and you and all your family will die.  You know the secret, even if you are unaware at this time, your son knows the secret and I believe the Mesanic creature Weasties with his amazing powers will be able to, how can I put it, extract it out of your minds.  50 stellar days, then the torture begins.  Watch the video now, to know how serious I am.

D L M Pra Dor - Leader

“Well,” said James put the bloody video on.”

“No James, you do not want to see it.”

James became frightened, fear rose through him like a raging river after a torrential storm.  He was shaking.

“Put the fucking video on you bastard!” he demanded.

Weasties looked at Lord Jack.  Lord Jack flashed his arm towards the screen and it changed from the mail, to an image.  It was an image of many people; many small boxes covered the screen.  James looked in horror as he noticed first his two sons Harry and Mark, then his wife Selena.  Everyone in the boxes looked terrified. 

“Click on my wife please, I want to see she is alright.”

“No James, chose another square if you really want to see this.”

James sank, and terror griped him, something unforgettable was waiting once one of the small boxes was touched.  Dare he touch one, dare he find out what the evil Pravai Dorka may have done to his family.  He now felt for the first time a kind of uncomfortable embarrassment, perhaps even pity towards his father.  He realised even before he touched one of the screen boxes that he must have seen all of them.

“Chose one for Christ’s sake and get this over with.”

There were 34 boxes to choose from; luckily, his mother was not alive to go through this agony.  However, James recognised Jack’s second wife Larul, she was in her sixties and seemed to be the calmest out of all the kidnap victims.  James did not want to choose, he felt he could not choose.  Whatever heinous crime, whatever cruel aspiration, the significance of the boxes was to show he did not want to see, but he knew he must see, he had to know what was there and this terrible decision was too much to bear.  Weasties realised this, held out a hand, and chose a box.

A middle-aged woman tied to a chair in a dilapidated room, terror on her face.  It was Jack’s fourth wife Alisia, and the most beautiful of his wives, she was an ex model and only in her early forties.  A huge man entered the room, went over and untied one hand, her left hand.  The camera zoomed in towards Alisia; her eyes were bulging out of her face in absolute fear and dread.  She still had a gag in her mouth, black mascara covered her upper face and around her eyes from obvious crying.  Her face reddened from severe blows; blood stained forehead and dried blood in her dyed blonde hair.  The huge beast of a man turned around and spoke slowly with a synthesised voice.

“This is your forth wife Alisia, nod if this is correct.”

The terrified woman nodded quickly, short jerky nods of fear and despair.

The man turned around and showed he was wearing a mask with a skull with blood red eyes on the front.  He stared into the camera.

“This is for your encouragement.  50 days, remember.”

Then the huge masked man grabbed Alisia’s hand drew out a long blade and cut off her little finger.  It was a quick swipe and the finger dropped to the ground.  Alisia began to scream and flail around in agony.  Then video stopped.

James sat in his chair frozen, unable to move, staring at the screen, seeing the other boxes, seeing his children, his wife, the other children, one only looked about six years old.  He then bent over and vomited into a wastebasket.  He fell to the floor weeping; the empathy violently connecting him with the dreadful act was so extremely intense to make him inconsolable for a few moments.  Weasties then used his immense powers of psychological control to bring him back to some kind of normality.  However even with Weasties help, James was like a useless vegetable, stunned into a comatosed state.  He lay on the floor, he did not see anyone, he did not want think of the pain and considerable agony his family were suffering.  Moreover, he knew it was his fault; he had been trying to harness Neutronic Energy, now his sideline hobby was going to get his family tortured and eventually murdered. 

Suddenly as if a blazing light had opened his mind he realised he must know the answer, and so he would do everything in his power to work out dimensional time travel.  Working with his estranged father, and the unusual Mesanic Weasties, they would figure this out and he would now use it to wreck revenge on this Pravai Dorka.

He stood up and looked at both.

“I presume,” he said trying desperately to control his emotions, “I presume this happens in every clip?”

“It saddens me to say it son, but yes it does,” said Lord Jack, bowing his head down.

For the first time, James actually saw emotion on his father’s face.

“So where is this Diad Gloxal, that fucker thinks you have.”

“I don’t have it.  We could not find it.  Still we think it is on Sacria, in the foothills near an ancient temple.”

“Ah you mean Destroia Collatius.”

“Yes the temple of death.”

James knew Weasties was keeping him calm and focused, and he did not mind this, if keeping Weasties did nothing else on this quest, this journey into the unknown, than keeping James focused, then he was a worthy companion.  He just worried how well he would get on with his fucking father.

“So how do we get to Sacria?  And when do we leave?”

Surprise Meeting 2

“Bullshit, my wife and kids are on Indrousia visiting the mother-in-law, I talked to Selena this morning.  This is one of your bloody games.”

“I wish it were so, Mr Elliot,” said the blue creature Weasties.  “They with everyone else were kidnapped at exactly the same time.  The kidnappers sent a mail to Lord Jack stating he had to contact you and that you both had to work together to achieve dimensional travel or they would all be killed.”

James was not the type of man to overreact, in fact, the Earth could be under attack and James would calmly assess the situation before doing anything.  Yet to James seeing this selfish, brash, old man tell him as if he was some kind of door to door sales that his family, his family had been kidnapped, because of this disgrace of the father was too much for even him to take.  Red mist and a wild fury surged through him like a charging bull.

He lunged at his father, James was just as tall and just as powerfully built as his father, and he hit him in the stomach like a defensive lineman sacking a quarterback.  The two hit the ground and James full of fury started hitting his father as if all the pent up emotion from years of neglect, started thrusting out of him.  His father did nothing to stop the beating.  However suddenly James was unable to punch anymore, his reddened fists covered in blood, and swollen stopped in mid-air, suspended unable to continue the barrage.  James roared before something pulled him backwards from his father.  He could feel himself rising off the ground, and then gently placed at the opposite side of the room.  James looked around in horror, what was happening to him?

“I cannot let you harm Lord Jackson, Mr Elliot,” said the small blue creature named Weasties.

“How dare you, he has been responsible…”

His voice suddenly silenced, and he now found he could not speak, no sounds left his mouth.  Some kind of hidden force field trapped him, and he was unable to move forwards.

“Sit down, Mr Elliot,” said the blue creature.

“Who are you?” said James though not through speech, but through thought.

James did not know how he had said what he said, and he was even more surprised when he heard an answer straight, directly into his mind.

“I am the one who is going to help you and your father save your family.  And I do this for no other reason than I know your father and yourself will find the answer to dimensional travel.”

James did not say anything else via thought or mouth.  However his father spoke.

“James, I know I have not been a father or anything to you, but… but…” there was a long sigh as if the great explorer was finding it difficult to put in to words his true feelings.  “But, finding out your whole family, everyone you have ever loved and cared for…”

“Cared for.  Loved!  What utter rubbish!  You never loved anyone but yourself.”  James suddenly realising he was able to speak again.

His heart was racing and he could not contain his fears for his family, against the rage and hatred he had towards his father.  Yet now the rage had taken its toll and he was feeling more sedate as if someone was calming him down.  Was this blue creature tampering with his mind?

“I am not a man who can sit around idly, playing happy families, I am an adventurer and explorer; you were all given every advantage, even my illegitimate children, even children I did not sire.”

“Did not sire, you sound like you are talking about us as if we were bloody horses, given out for stud.”

The old man wanted lash out at his son, but the strange small blue creature seemed to stop him.  Who was this alien, called Weasties?  He seemed to have a calming effect on the old bastard.  James was desperate; he did not see any point in any more conflict.  Was this creature controlling both of us?

“Say you are right,” said James still feeling increasing fear and agitation, as well as terrible knowledge he had no idea what to do.  “Should we not go straight to the galactic police?  Surely we need to get them involved.”

“Useless James,” said Lord Jack, “they have been taken to Hadronia.”

“Hadronia!  Are you kidding me?”

Hadronia was one of the only worlds in the Commantium that they classified as uncivilised 2.  Commantium was the name given to the local group cluster of galaxies that included the Milky Way and Andromeda.  They had classified planets or worlds for 500 stellar years; one stellar year was equal to ten Earth years.  Classification fell into six categories, First Class Civilised; planets with highest level Unispace advancement (Unispace level was a level where they could travel between galaxies in the Commantium and in recent years beyond).  They did not have any war, had one world government and were member worlds to the Inter Commantorium as well as being part of the full council of the Local Group Cluster Commantium.  Second Class Civilised; planets with the ability of hyperspace travel yet still had divided powers controlling the planet, with different ideologies but they were advanced enough work together without any need for war or deceit.  These planets were members of the Inter Commantorium, but could not hold a seat on the full council.  They had to delegate ambassadors to speak on their behalf and they had to align themselves with full council planets.  Third Class Civilised had various nations, but were still not near to resolving planetary disputes.  They had the ability for hyperspace travel and were not in any way dangerous for travellers from other worlds, but they were not ready to progress any further.  They did not have any membership to the Inter Commantorium.  Uncivilised 1, was a planet that had some nations with advanced levels of civilisation and others nations that were not, depots and dictators still ruled on parts of these worlds.  Uncivilised 2, no part of the planet met the high standards of advance or civility.  There were generally planets for outlaws and degenerates, perverts and undesirables.  The final classification were planets that were still uninhabited or in the process of terraforming, or being colonised for the first time.

Hadronia was one of the worst planets in the whole of Commantium.  It was controlled by one of the most dangerous and evil criminal organisations in the whole Local Group, the Pravai Dorka.

James held his head in his hands, he wanted to scream, shout, and throw things and what, what could he do?  He was starting to panic.  The most evil band of cutthroats and devils imaginable had his family.  The fucking father, the bastard who he had not seen in over fifteen years, the selfish, fuckwit, James wanted to kill him, since he knew his family were all but dead.  No one ever came back from Hadronia, not when the fucking Pravai Dorka and their evil leader, Dor Lor Mada, held them.

“You selfish bastard, you have sentenced my fucking family to death.  Probably a tortured death!”

“Not if we give them what they want,” said Weasties.

“And how do we do that, can you tell me that blue man?”

“You must have an idea of what the answer might be,” said Lord Jack.

“How!” demanded James.

“They did not take you as a captive, Mr Elliot,” said the blue creature.  “Lord Jack was told to bring you here.  This means you are important to solving the dimensional time travel dilemma.”

Friday, 28 December 2012

Surprise Meeting

Called but not summoned James Elliot made his way to see his father.  He was not looking forward to this meeting; James had not spoken to the great explorer for over fifteen years.  As he walked the long hallways of his father’s stately home, a massive house that was generally unoccupied, James wondered why his father after all this time wanted to see him.  At first, he had ignored his father’s requests, but Lord Jackson Elliot, known to all as Lord Jack, was very demanding and persistent.  James had always thought he was more like his mother, Lord Jack’s first wife, than his father; the great explorer had been through four marriages, and it seemed to James a bit of a miracle.  How he ever had the time to explore the galaxy and get married, and have sired six children, James being the oldest was quite unbelievable.  Still over his long life, he had managed to perform all these tasks effortlessly and in doing so made many women both very happy and extremely mad and angry at the same time.  His children,  three males and three females, he had never really took any interest in, as soon as he knew of conception, he would be off on another adventure to some part of the galaxy, or wherever else he went.  Then there would be a divorce and that would be it until the next helpless woman came into his sights.

Now though for some unknowable reason he wanted to see James, and this perturbed him immensely.  James was an academic, he had never been interested in adventure, he had studied the galaxy and you could say was an armchair version of his father, or that is how James always described himself.  To be precise he was an eminent professor, and the academic version of his infamous father.  However, James was a creature of habit and did not want to leave his conformable life with his wife Selena, and their two children Mark and Harry.  They had never met their grandfather, though they showed signs of wanting to be like him especially Harry, who was at that age where going on adventures seemed cool and exciting.  James’s wife Selena also worked at the same University as James, she was a biologist and a real beauty, she had dark coffee coloured skin and a fantastic figure for her age.  James knew he was a lucky man, he had everything he ever could want, the job he always wanted, the family he loved, a beautiful house, no money issues even the family dog a chocolate Labrador was perfect.  Now his father’s demand to see him left a sour taste in his mouth. 

What on earth did he want?

Eventually after walking along many hallways following Jenkins the Butler, he reached the study room of his father.  James took a large breath, he felt apprehensive, what was he going to say; the last time his father had seen him, he was in his late twenties.  Jenkins knocked on the door then opened it and James was ushered into the large library come study.

Lord Jackson Elliot was sitting behind his desk.  He did not look up.  To James’s surprise a small blue creature, no larger than a child, gestured to James to sit down.

“Hello sir,” said the little blue creature.  “Please will you take a seat?”

James walked over and sat on the seat provided, his father had still not looked up from his digital screen.

“Your father is finishing important business,” said the creature.  “He is nearly finished.”

“Do not call me bloody father Weasties, and do not tell anyone when I will be bloody finished,” bellowed the old man with a white beard, full head of white hair, and a strong yet weathered face.

“Yes my Lord.”

“So are you going to just ignore me then pop,” said James sardonically.

Lord Jack looked up and smiled.

“Of course not James, but I did not bring you here for a touching family reunion,” he barked without any sign of emotion.

“Then why am I here, so I can make this meeting brief.”

Lord Jack smiled, and then stood up and walked around to the other side of his massive ornate wooden desk.  He was a tall, powerful, imposing, figure.  He sat on the table right next to James; his imposing presence hovered over James like a giant beast about to devour its prey.  It made James feel very uncomfortable.

“You are here son, for a reason and this reason might be the making of you and get you out of your sad existence, living here on this planet.  It is life or death it is the here and now, and the past and present.  It is an adventure into another dimension.”

James rose out of his seat, leaning back from his imposing father.

“I have no interest in your stupid adventures, Lord Jack.  Now say your piece and I will be off, but I will have nothing to do with them.”

Jack sighed, “You have no choice my boy.  You will come and you will help me.”

“Excuse me!  Are you kidnapping me?”

“No, but unfortunately, your brothers and sisters have all been kidnapped…”


“I have not finished, they have my ex-wives, my bloody various long term girlfriends even my illegitimate children.”
He did not say any of this with any hint of emotion; this was more a principle, there was just apathy and lack of empathy for this adventurer, than any fear of harm to his kin.

“You have more children, I have more siblings?”

“That is not important.  I need your help otherwise they will all be terminated.”

“Terminated, is that the best way you can describe death,” said James horrified.

“They think I have an answer to a secret that has been long lost.  They think that when I was on Sordoria, I found the key to dimensional travel.”

“What has this to do with me?”

“You know about the history of the explored worlds of the galaxy, you can speak the many languages, you have studied the customs and the legends of the main worlds.  I find this hard to say but I need your help to compete this task.  It is the only way to save our family.”

 “Our family, our family, what family, you left my mother when I was only a child.  You never cared about family.  Why should I help you?  I have never even met any of my other family, my mother is dead, I have no affiliation to these people whose lives you have tainted by your selfishness.  I am not an adventure like you Lord Jack; I am an academic I work in a University for god sakes.”
“You will help me!” demanded Jack and he slammed his fist onto the desk.

“No I won’t,” and James started to walk towards the door.

“They have your wife and children also.”

Thursday, 27 December 2012

Moon Disappearing Thoughts

Nearly a year ago I wrote a piece about the moon disappearing.  It was the end of January and at the time it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen.  It was inspiring at the time and I will never forget the feelings it gave me.  In my time of stress, or anxiety, or if I feel low, I close my eyes and relive that experience trying to capture the emotional energy I felt as I watched in amazement, the joyous excitement and overwhelming childlike wonder that went through me.  It was a significant moment in my life and I will never forget it.

Since then I have noticed with interest how many others seem to have also noticed the moon disappearing, and to my astonishment some people have even left comments, not many but some have described their experiences of seeing the moon disappear.

In saying that, I have noticed a pattern to when people seem to experience the disappearance of the moon.  Every month between roughly the 17th to the 25th, I get a large spike in hits when someone is looking on the internet for the moon disappearing in the sky.  It happens as regular as a moon cycle, and perhaps it has something to do with the fact at this time of the month the moon is always at its new moon phase.  I have just looked it up; at a certain time of the month when the moon has gone through its cycle, it is nearly nothing, a tiny slither.  Obviously, when the moon is at this minute slither, it can seem to disappear.

This conclusion seems plausible.  However, this does not explain at least to me and to my experience, the way the light from the moon wax and waned, then moved around the circumference of the tiny slither.  It was as if a light was shining behind the moon moving up and down causing the main glow to move accordingly.  I have just realised, how stupid of me, of course there is a light behind the moon it is the sun.  Obviously, when in the new moon phase the sun hitting the back of the moon and only showing a tiny slither causes an optical illusion.  Then air pollution, and perhaps cloud cover or a myriad of things, add to the illusion.  Yet I remember as clearly, as if I was seeing it now, an amazing surge of energy through my body as I watched.  I remember seeing the star slightly above the moon, appear and disappear and I will never forget it.  Surely that was not because of the sun, and it was definitely not cloud cover.

Still it is strange how every month at around the same time as I witnessed my moon disappearing experience, many other witness roughly the same thing and I hope they get the same emotion sensations as I felt.  I love to watch the sky at night, unfortunately, I live in a built up area and it is not easy to see the stars.  There is no greater feeling than being in the middle of a totally dark place on a clear night and to look up and the amazing sight we get to see for nothing, and to gaze in awe at our incredible satellite the moon.

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

First Memories

Pain.  Pain is something you learn over time, it shocks you, it causes distress and misery, it grows inside you like a cancer, pain is life and life is pain.  Yet what is worse the physical pain, the agony of bodily harm, or the psychological pain, the long lingering, never-ending suffering, the sleepless nights, the cold sweats, the fear and the terror.  Festering inside your mind, it changes you, it breaks you, it tears you apart, leaving a lonely shell.  The more times you feel its grasp, the strangle hold of pain, the more it tightens its grip and forces you to recognise how small and irrelevant you are in the grand scheme of life.  I have felt the pain, it has been with me all my life, I have hidden from it, I have shunned existence to try to find some kind of reason for my pain.  Now as I reach the end of my life I can write about my life and the pain and sometimes the happiness that comes before the pain.

It all started when I was very young, barely old enough to realise I was alive, still an adolescent child, still innocent, unknowing of what was to unfold.  I remember the day as if was yesterday, as if I was there on that beach.  It was a cold winters day, sometime before Christmas, I believe I was four or five, perhaps I was older or younger, who knows now, it was so long ago.  I knew I was not at school, I think it was the Christmas holidays or perhaps a weekend.  The memory is full of the emotion of the experience, and not the specifics of time and place.  A brisk wind blew from the sea, the waves crashed like rolling avalanches of snow.  The sound, the smell, as I write I can feel how wonderful it all was.  That smell of the sea, the invigorating feeling of being alive, that freshness, as the breeze of the sea energises you.

I remember this day, my last day of innocence; the last time I can remember when I did not feel pain.  I was with my father and grandparents; I was running and laughing, throwing pebbles into the crashing waves to see if they would skim.  I drew pictures in the sand; I found magical shells and precious stones, as my young mind perceived them.  It was wonderful.  My brother Jack was less enthusiastic, he did not want to go to the beach, he wanted to stay home and play on his computer.  My sister Jane, she was my older sister, my guardian, my saviour, yet she did not know it yet.

Playing on the sand dunes, jumping down, seeing how far we could launch ourselves.  Slowly as always Jack began to enjoy himself he was the oldest by three years, he would jump the furthest, run the fastest, I loved my brother but I was closer to my sister, Jane was kind, gentle, and always willing to listen and to help.  However, on this day she was unable to help, unable to save me from my first trip inside the dark side of life.  I was very young to realise the agony of what life was truly going to be like.  Happiness, pleasure, joy, comes at a price, and for me it was a high price.

As we played, we moved further and further away from my father and grandparents, they plodded slowly with a cautious eye on where we were.  Yet, the long beach curved and we were nearing our favourite destination, the rocks that lead off to an old lighthouse.  We were now out of sight, and nearing the rocks.  I am not sure if they had a name or what the name of the lighthouse was but we called it Rapunzel’s castle, and when we reached the rocks, Jack would call out, mimicking the fairy tale “Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair.”  When I was young, I was innocent enough to believe that she was inside and I always wanted to see her long golden hair.

The rocks to the lighthouse were very dangerous and even though I had clambered over them a million times, I was still very hesitant.  Jack was full of confidence; he glided over them as if they were not even there, as if he was a light as a feather.  Jane was always terrified of crossing, and would not leave the safety of the sand.  I was also scared but I loved my brother and if he could get across the rocks, then so could I, yet I had only ever crossed in the summer, when it was less windy, much warmer and with the guidance of my father or an adult friend.  This would be my first crossing by myself.  I could see Jack skipping merrily; he was laughing and singing his Rapunzel song over and over again, as if he was taunting me, as he was daring me to take the chance.

“Come on Chris,” he shouted.  Come on you want to see Rapunzel don’t you?”

“I’m trying.”

“Be careful,” shouted Jane from behind, I could sense the fear in her words.

I slowly made my way across the first part of the rocks, I could see small crabs and tiny fish in the rocks pools.  The wind was now getting stronger; I carefully took step after step, occasionally slipping my little heart was pumping fast, the wind increased, and my hat blew off my head.  I heard behind me my sister scream; as I turned, I slipped and fell into a rock pool.  For a second I was convinced I would drown or some horrid creature would come out from below a rock and take my leg, crabs might gang up and attack me snipping at my feet.  I could see my brother gliding over the rocks towards me.  I was breathing fast yet I was fine, the water was only a few inches deep, it did not even come over my bright blue Wellies.  Still I was small I was only four, how could I get out of the pool of water, the rocks were slippery, long strands of smelly seaweed, and a greenish moss covered most of the rocks.  I was still terrified; convinced something would attack me from beneath the tiny amount of water.  I could hear my sister calling to Jack to get me, then he was there smiling.

“You look like Rupert Bear,” he announced when he reached me laughing.

“I do not,” I proclaimed, ashamed at being in such a desperate situation, unable to climb out of the rock pool by myself. 

He now started singing, “Rupert, Rupert the bear everyone knows his name.”

I started to cry, and held my hands high pleading with him to get me out.  Finally, he pulled me to safety and I was so relieved when I was standing on a firm solid rock.

“Come on little Rupert Bear. Let’s see if Rapunzel is there.”

My tears had stopped, and I held my brother’s hand all the way to the lighthouse, fear and trepidation turned into excitement and when I reached the base, I turned and shouted to Jane.

“I’m here, I made it,” my hands waving, I was jumping up and down, in my white winter coat.

The door to the lighthouse was old and rotten, the lighthouse had not been in use for many years.  Jack had pulled the rotten door open ajar.

“Are you coming inside?” he asked trying to make his voice sound as creepy as possible.  “Rapunzel might be upstairs, but then again the evil wicked witch might be there also.”

Intense excitement and exhilaration masked my fear, I was with my brother he was strong and brave in my eyes, I would be safe from any wicked witch.  The smell of the sea was invigorating, but inside the lighthouse, the smell was stale and foetid, the putrid musty smell of decay overwhelmed me and I was reluctant to go further inside the lighthouse.  Jack gave me a look that calmed me and said without words come on let us explore and see what upstairs is like.  Slowly we walked up the solid stone steps, round and round the lighthouse.  This was not a manned lighthouse; it had no rooms, just endless stairs.  Being so small I was tired, the fresh air and the sea was catching up on me, as I walked I felt dizzy I did not want to look down.

Finally, we reached the top and Jack pushed his way into the light itself.  We could see for miles, I had to stand on my tiptoes to see properly but I could see my father and grandparents in the distance.  I could see my sister Jane she was waving.  I could see ships far away on the horizon.  Further along the shore, I could see a man playing with a very large dog that looked like a cow, it seemed huge.

We only stayed there a short while yet it seemed like a lifetime, I created a magical world and imagined going on a fantastic journey.  Jack chased me around the great light; I had never seen a bulb so large.  I wondered if the light still worked and if it would blind me; would it magically come to life, whilst we were still there.  Then we started back down the stairs and out back into the cold wind, it was strong and brisk, it was biting my face, and turning me cheeks red.  This time my brother held my hand as we negotiated the rocks.  It fascinated me how he would jump over large distances, distances that seemed beyond my reach.  Nothing scared him, he never slipped he was always sure of himself.  He helped me over them and finally we reached the shore and my sister Jane once more.  Jack was laughing, calling me a scaredy Rupert Bear.  Jane just smiled and hugged me and we immediately headed back up towards the sand dunes.  I ran out in front of my two siblings, the dunes were steep and I rushed as fast I could run up towards the thick needle like grass, I always hated that pointy thick dune grass.  As I reached the top, the dune descended down immediately and I ran head long into a great black beast.

My speed was such that I was lurching forward and my head hit the great beast in the stomach.  I fell to the ground and the huge black dog from hell turned and looked at me then growled, a growl so deep and menacing I will never forget it.  The next few moments, they could have been seconds they could have been minutes I was unaware of time or space.  The great beast attacked, it massive jaw and huge teeth grabbed my head, and wrestled me to the ground.  I started to scream, I screamed as loud as I had ever done or have ever done since.  I felt no pain, I just felt helpless, unable to free myself from jaws of death.  As the massive dog threw me around like a rag doll, I noticed my brother and sister standing frozen still and helpless at the top of the dunes looking on shocked, unable to comprehend what was happening to me.  My screams were so loud within moments my father arrived and smashed something large against the dog, but it would not let go of my head.  I knew in my young undeveloped mind that I was going to die; I could feel the teeth tearing into my skull.  Still I did not feel any pain; it was as if my body, my mind overwhelmed by shock, by the terrible situation, because of the inevitability of death, it had switched off my pain receptors.  After what seemed like an eternity, the dog, the great beast, finally let go and ran off.

My screaming did not desist, I now started to feel the pain, it surged through like an avalanche of agony, blood poured from my shredded skull.  My white coat was blood red.  I was lying in the sand dune looking up at the grey cloudy sky, blood in my eyes, tears pouring, screaming without any knowledge of whether I was alive or dead.  I could not sense anything around me; I was numb to all but the agonising pain of what had happened. 

I felt as if I left this world for a brief time and lived as a ghost or a spirit, perhaps my soul outside my broken body.  I was seeing the pain from a distance, trying to disassociate myself from the body, my broken body, my scared face.  It would haunt me all my life.

They rushed me to the nearest hospital but it was not capable of looking after a young child near death, my forehead ripped to pieces, the skull showing through my shredded head, the horrific bite marks from the hell beast.  My mother arrived and this caused me to cry more and she held me and comforted me but I was still in a state of shock.  As if a ghost, disconnected from my body, disassociated from the suffering, and the agony and pain, the physical and now soon the psychological.  I remember they rushed me to another hospital in an ambulance, my head rapped in a thick bandage as the blood still poured, it would not stop, the blood continued to gush like a river that had burst its banks.  I looked on from a distance as a ghost, staring numb, at myself disfigured face, knowing I would never be the same again.  I was now a deformed freak, I wondered if I was better dying.  Would it not be better if I died, so I could not feel the pain I would have for the rest of my life.

I arrived at the large hospital and they immediately rushed me to intensive care.  I remember the nurse, my mother was there trying to hold back the tears fear and dread that covered her face, she was holding my hand, as the nurse tried desperately to stitch my shredded head.  I felt every stitch one after the other, yet to me I did not feel anything, my mind was in extreme survival mode.  I still felt numb, still disassociated from my body and reality.  It was a strange sensation knowing it is you that is in this mess, the catastrophe, yet still feeling like you are a watcher looking on, not able to comprehend the disaster that has befallen you.

However now at four, I had felt the hand of life’s agonising trail, my young mind had felt pain, physical pain and soon over time psychological agony.  I do not remember much of what happened next, I was in hospital for some weeks.  I do not know for how long, I was lucky though, I was one of the first children ever to have plastic surgery in my country.  It meant the scars though bad were not as bad as they could have been.  I did not look like Frankenstein’s monster, but I felt I was.  Still over my life especially my younger life, it changed me, it robbed me of confidence, it took away my innocence I realise how cruel life can be.  I always felt I was a deformed freak.  In time the scars heeled, I had been lucky, the dog had missed my eyes by millimetres, had missed ripping my ears off by the same margin.  I now had two large curved scars across my forehead through my hairline; it looked like a weird smile from one side to the other.  Though others said they did not notice my scars, I noticed them, every day when I looked in the mirror I would see the scars and remember the day, the pain the agony, the change in my life.

This was my first taste of pain, real pain, deep never forgotten pain and it would affect me for the rest of my life.  Unfortunately, it would not be my last and I am sad to say it would not be the worst either.

Thursday, 20 December 2012

End of the World – tomorrow – perhaps???

Some people believe this is the last day of Earth.  For whatever reason they have taken the Mayan calendar literally, and think this is it, the world is going to end.  Somehow, I think I will be still here tomorrow.  Others believe it is the end of one period in history, or an era, and the beginning of another.  They believe that a seismic shift in the consciousness of mankind is about to happen, it’s a wonderful thought if it were true, it might be true, though I don’t think that is how evolution works on a conscious or subconscious level. 

I know I will be pleased when the day has passed and the charlatans can stop making money off useless prophecies, though no doubt they have already thought that the date is wrong, and that another in the near future is the actual date they were meaning.  You can never put a good charlatan down for long; they are like a bad smell that lingers around.  Moreover, the worse the charlatan bizarrely the more likely they will linger.

The one thing this date has done recently it has galvanised many doomsayers, and allowed them to infect our minds with dire consequences of our despicable lives (if they are to be believed).  They prey on our fear and guilt; they accentuate our inherent need for redemption, in a similar way to religion.

December 21st 2012 is a date used to increase guilt, shame, and fear in the masses who want a reason beyond religion to hate themselves.  It is there to tell us we are weak and feeble minded, unable to see beyond the closed in emptiness of our lives.  I would not be surprised if most of the terrible problems, our world faces at present are somehow subconsciously down to this one date.  The financial meltdown, the increasingly dire situation in the Middle East, and all the other miseries we have had to witness over the last ten years, since people started to take seriously the world ending tomorrow.

As a species, we seem to love doom and gloom, we revel in it, we want it so much we subconsciously plaster it all over the world like a Jackson Pollock painting.  Pain, misery, war, hunger, death, disease, famine, murder, slaughter, hatred, carnage, fear, greed, jealousy, rage;  I am sure I could think of a hundred more words that seem to be the way we are as humans.  Yes, there are times when we can love, feel free, find peace, desire hope, and I wish that after tomorrow passes, more time will be spent on those words.  The feelings and thoughts, the emotions, the way it makes us all want to think positive and better of ourselves, and the rest of humanity.  I wish a big wonderful festive wish, of love, peace, freedom, and hope, so that the true meaning of the significant day will be to move us away from one type of planet and move us onwards into another.