Acceptance

I sense a deafening silence as it blends eloquently with a distant wind of my forgotten dreams,

Memories I have lost forever, fallen down the deepest shaft of ill fate, not used only thought of,

Doomed, a needless throwaway like the daily garbage of life, wanted, needed, yet never succeeded,

Bled from every part of my soul, seeping away my pleasure of existence,

Though, thou, thee, does sometimes like a burst of golden hatred, feel the force of one such torture remembered,

It hits me like a rumination rocket from hell, a recollection I would rather never rise again,

Yet when it does, it sometimes has the lingering hope that perhaps there was a reason for the failure to connect,

Perhaps there was a deserving reason why this time it did not work; perhaps it will work in the future,

However there comes a time when it feels as if there are less futures, and too many pasts,

Reasons not to try, reasons to deny, reasons to sigh and say no, why bother, why put myself through the pain,

How much pain does one have to endure before one feels happiness, peace, harmony, and joy,

Keep trying and eventually one time it will work, if you fire enough arrows at the board one will eventually hit the bulls-eye,

C'est la vie is that not what they say, go on don’t give up, keeping on trying until you are dying,

Accept the pain, accept your failures, accept, accept, accept, you will never be anything of note,

I accept and I forgive, I will try and I will live, but it is fucking hard to continue in this vain, when most of the time all I can feel is pain!!!

I wanna die!!!

Oh my, oh my, oh my,

I feel like I wanna die,

Life is just passing me by,

Inside all I do is cry.

I want to get out of this mess,

I feel guilty like I wanna confess,

Just act normal and be like the rest,

Do something exciting and bring back the zest.

Yet still I sit and I wait,

Perhaps want day the dream, but its late,

It’s hard and I really do hate,

Myself because I can’t walk through life’s happy gate.

Decisions, decisions, decisions,

My mind fractured and on a collision,

I have no focus, and no precision,

I know I need to make a positive incision.

Time it is fast running out,

Like a prizefighter, it is my last bout,

I am screaming for help yet can’t shout,

Will I ever finally sort myself out.

Ways and Means

There is a place I go when I’m low,

Deep inside my mind, I take it slow,

Try to understand the reasons for,

Melancholic dreams they haunt me more.

There is a place I go its way out west,

I just drive and drive; I feel its best,

When I reach the sea, I take a test,

Try the citrus fruit of life to taste the zest.

There is a place I go when I’m high,

Fire up the rocket head to the sky,

Time flies to quick it is by the by,

Just hope when it ends I haven’t died.

There is a place I go when life is dull,

When the mind is always bored, I have to mull,

This is the time I want to cull,

Wipe away everything and wait until I’m full.

The Sun

I see the sun is shining,

Hurting my eyes,

Burning my skin,

Searing the land,

Wasting everythin’.

Up there in the sky,

Great ball ablazin’,

Isn’t it amazin’,

White thru the squint,

So hot the Earth needs savin’.

Billions and billions,

Of lives will have past,

Until we see the last,

Will we lay down pray aghast,

At the Sun on man’s last task.