Thursday, 23 December 2010


Today since its nearing Christmas they are showing great tennis matches from the near past, today’s match was Nadal Soderling, in the final of the French this year. At the time Nadal was going for his fifth French title in six years, he had only ever lost once at Roland Garros, and that was against his final opponent Soderling. But Nadal knew this year was not going to be like the year previous, and Nadal annihilated Soderling in straight sets. Nadal was now the only player to go a full clay season without losing, quite incredible. And so it got me thinking what must it feel like to know you are invincible, so far above everyone else, that it seems like you are from a different planet. How does Nadal feel knowing this, knowing when he plays his best, he is likely not to lose. Is this how Federer felt before Nadal burst on the scene, no one could beat him, and it took another fantastic genius it brings him back down to Earth.

What does it feel like to be Michael Jordan, 30 seconds on the clock in final game of a best of seven series to win the NBA? How does it feel to be Maradona as he dribbled his way past the whole English football team and into the history books, with one of the greatest goals ever scored. Or Donald Bradman when he hit 300 runs in a day, or Shane Warne bowled that ball at Mike Gatting. Then there is Tiger Woods winning his first major, The Masters, in his first major, at Augusta, Georgia. And finally Usain Bolt, obliterating every sprint record by miles.

What does it feel like to be invincible, to know categorically that no one is your equal; you are so far above everyone, virtually untouchable at least for a few short years. Certain sportsmen and women, transcend their sports, they are the special ones, the ones above all others we try in some small way to emulate.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Natalie Portman – One of the greatest performances ever

As I updated in my fav films of the year post, I watched Black Swan today, what an amazing film.  In my opinion, Natalie’s performance was one of the greatest ever.  How effortlessly she makes us feel we are living her life, and feeling her pains, and emotions, it is an incredible performance of acting skill.  She looks so innocent, and elf like, but underneath is a surging, mentally ill, behemoth.  To play a role of such beauty and grace, full of majestic delight, it was a joy to watch and I definitely want to see it more.  Natalie was always a stunningly beautiful actress, but with this she moves to another realm in acting.  If she does not win every acting award for a female lead from every major awarder, then something is wrong with the world.

A Word

If I was a word,

What would that word be?

I know some may say,

That word is crazy.

But that’s not the word,

That springs in my mind,

Maybe it’s too shallow,

And a little unkind.

The word might be foolish,

Or it could be irrational,

Just as likely delusional,

Or nearer to confusion.

No, none of these,

Are the words I would use,

The word that is me,

Well, that word is unique.

Monday, 20 December 2010

We Remember, We Never Forget, Yet Still We Never Learn

I have just watched an episode from the excellent documentary series about the First World War; the episode begins in March 1918, when the Germans launch a massive attack against the British and French lines on the Western Front. The Germans advance deep into France, further than at any time since the first few months of the war, they can now send bombs into Paris. Yet at home in Germany, they are starving, sick of the war, wanting it to end, they feel they are living in a military dictatorship, socialism was rising.

Watching that episode just made me laugh, in 1918 the Germans knew who their enemy was, it wasn’t the British or the French, it was the German Army, and forced slave labour, due to having no food, no resources whatsoever, because everything including men, were in the war fighting and dying. Yet by 1939, only twenty one years later, they felt the exact opposite. Or at least a warped version of the opposite, twisted and manipulated, by clever, deceitful, controlling, violent, people. So the worst war of all wars, the Great War, as it was called. The War to end all Wars, in itself created a far more dangerous beast, and this beast then hypnotised a nation into believing a total falsehood, he inveigled his ignorant subjects; he made them fantasise about a nation that did not actually exist.

I then thought further, even now, with the knowledge of the First and Second World Wars, and the devastation they caused throughout the world, we still fight wars. Yes you could say they are not in the same league as the big two, but then I bet they would be if we did not have the overwhelming fear that it would be a nuclear war, which would destroy everything. If we did not have these extremely dangerous restraints, then I would bet World War Three would have started by now. When I was a child, everyone talked about how long it would be until WW3 started, it just seemed definite inevitability, we all waited with a sense of foreboding. Yet finally, the memories from the First dreadful war took they toll, and communism ended, the fat lady started to sing. The final act seemed to be played out, ironically in the same setting as its birth, Serbia, Bosnia, and Croatia.

Were we finally to learn from our terrible century, as the century drew to a close? NO!

Once one dangerous threat was extinguished, another quickly raised its head and now instead of the killing fields of Europe and the Far East; now the new death match was being played in the Middle East and central Asia. Yet the same situations show themselves, we are in a depression, there is not a great amount of money, we are fighting wars, we cannot afford to fight. We are losing value resources fighting these pointless wars, people are disenchanted, we have been deceived into thinking we were something we are not anymore. There is too much poverty, considering the standards of living we should appreciate now in the 21st Century. We may feel we are not in the same situation as one hundred years ago, but we are.

Still we never learn; we always remember, and we never ever forget, but when will we finally realise it is meaningless, until we figure out how to learn from it.

Friday, 17 December 2010

The True Heroes of the World

If ever you feel low and depressed unable to pull yourself out of the doldrums, then there is one thing that will definitely help you to put your situation into perspective, to put how you are feeling, and with a loud crash force it into context. I have not felt great these last few days, various silly things that have gotten the better of me; I have felt low, and full of anxiety.

Tonight I watched a celebration of military heroes from my country Britain. After watching how incredibly brave, these true heroes of the world have been, the ones that gave their lives, risk their lives, or save lives, and sacrifice themselves so we can live in peace and safety; it warms the heart that such people exist, it makes me feel better. It brings my pitiful situation glaringly into perspective; there are many men and women around the world in the service of many military forces, helping to save lives and end tyranny. I really wish they did not have to risk their lives, trying to rid the world of so many depots, evil lunatics, tyrannical leaders and groups, but I am relieved to say that there are so many of these true heroes blessing us every day.

I will end by saying it would be good to see a day when we don’t need to have so many heroes, but I don’t see that day coming soon unfortunately. At least we honour them, maybe we don’t honour them enough. They deserve so much more.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

The Fine Line

The agony and the ecstasy,

The failure and success,

The finest line, between the two,

Which one will come out best?

How much does luck play its part?

How much is perseverance?

How much is skill, and natural talent,

Who knows, who can tell?

Saturday, 11 December 2010

The Devils Wish

I can't sleep so I have written this creepy poem, its based on the Devil after watching the film the Devil last week. I really liked it but then I love simple films with simple settings and plots, like 12 Angry Men, and Phone Booth, which are two other examples.  12 Angry Men one of the greatest films ever made, but it is so simple, just set in one room, with a long table, no air conditioning, boiling hot day, and 12 Angry Men.  I am digressing again.  Anyway here is the creepy poem I will call the Devils Wish.

When the Devil wants what’s inside that door,

Don’t reside on the other side,

When he slammin’ and beaten, and hurling abuse,

Just remember you got pride,

Don’t ever resist or play his games,

It’ll only end in your demise,

Keep your head down man,

Just as far as you can,

For he may have a plan,

And in the blink of an eye,

You’re trapped in a web like a fly,

Tormented and tortured before you die,

Your chance came by then it was gone,

Time to atone for all your wrongs,

Or live in constant pain for evermore,

And never knowing what’s next in store.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Strong Desire

To wonder wondrous that initial desire,

To sense the longing and the want,

Muse about, what her name might be,

Urge yourself to find it out,

Will the emotion, to move ever closer,

Gaze at heaven, a hypnotic beauty,

Imagine togetherness, exciting, passionate,

Don’t waste a second; she could be your soul mate.

A Strange Question

I thought of a strange question and I asked some friends what their answers would be. The question was; you are 80 years of age with terminal cancer, you only have a few months to live. This is only a few decades in the future; the doctor gives you the patient a choice, you can let the cancer take you and die, or you can have your consciousness, mind memories, all of you, placed into a virtual world. Where you never died, you just constantly lived out many lives, one after the other.

They all said they would accept the latter offer, and carry on living in a virtual world unaware you are actually dead. Living life after life, never realising your situation as a consciousness, never knowing you are trapped inside a machine.

I said to them what if part of our evolutionary development; we need to die in our physical form, so the consciousness can move on to another realm of reality. They looked puzzled at me; I did not mean my soul going to heaven or any such thing, I just creatively imagined that it is probable for a conscious mind and energy from a body, to have the ability to progress to another level. I think they looked even more confused after that explanation, but it did get me thinking, are we meant to use our minds to evolve ways to keep our memories, mind and consciousness, in the now, in the moment, even if the moment in a false reality. Or do we have minds as a consequence of evolution, and that they naturally move on after the host they inhabit dies, and they would prefer to not be locked up and a electronic box, or when we die is that it the mind dies with you, and you would have been better taking option B, like my friends suggested. To me, it is a big puzzle, hence the strange question.

Friday, 3 December 2010

Snow Poem

Winter freezing cold,

A snow white chaos,

Slippery commotion,

Traffic pile up,

Dirt stained blizzard drifts.

Everything at a standstill,

Caution, fear and confusion,

Deadly black ice,

Howling frozen winds,

When will it ever end?

Delicate muffled silence,

Flake likes stars fall all around,

Brilliant crispness,

Icy whispers,

No one hears a sound.

Cognitive Dissonance

With all this bad weather we’ve experienced these last few weeks, has to be some kind of record breaker, I bet it is a long time since we experienced such a start to a winter. Add to that, the fact we in Britain are so crap at dealing with severe weather, especially the national and local government I have been reading some articles about the bad weather situation, here in the good old UK. Is it as bad everywhere in Europe? Probably, but they know how to handle it; they don’t get weather manflu like we do here in Britannia. As I read more and more about the catastrophic, frozen, doom, covering our great land, I eventually stumbled onto James Delingpole’s blog on the Telegraph online website. James is the champion of the Climate Change Sceptic, and although I don’t agree with all his views especially the ones about the Right Wing Tea Party of America, I like to read his views on Climate Change. At present he is having a field day and in one of his blogs he writes about cognitive dissonance, which I had never heard of before so I found it interesting; here is a definition, I nicked from Wikipedia. You learn something new every day.

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying. It is one of the most influential and extensively studied theories in social psychology.

As I read it, what it basically means is, you are blinded to the obvious truth, because it differs from their actual beliefs; you could also use the argument in the opposite direction just as well. The example James uses, is from the Met Office spokeswoman when speaking about the severe weather we are experiencing and the fact they didn’t expect it to happen when every other source did. If you believe James, he states that the Met Office said it would be a mild dry winter. How they could ever think this is beyond me, I am no meteorologists but it seemed highly likely this year would be another year with a bad winter. As I have mentioned before the Iceland volcano alone makes it more likely. Anyway I will end with a paragraph from James which I think sums up the whole situation rather well.

“Cognitive dissonance is when all the evidence of your senses and intellect tell you one thing; but your brain stubbornly insists the truth is otherwise.

So, for example, it’s snowing heavily outside; the country is in chaos; independent weather forecasters are predicting dreadful winters for many years to come; global warming stopped in 1998 even as CO2 emissions continued to rise; the Climategate emails reveal the scientists at the very heart of the IPCC to be corrupt and mendacious; wind farms and solar farms are an exceedingly inefficient way of producing energy and have wreaked serious economic damage on all countries (Denmark, Spain, Germany) that have tried introducing them on a massive scale.

Yet still you go on insisting that: the snow is a temporary blip (”weather not climate”), AGW remains a serious threat – as the majority of the most distinguished and reliable scientific “experts” testify; green jobs are the future and the drive for renewables can only do Britain the power of good.

Well, cognitive dissonance is the polite way of putting it. I’d call it sheer and utter bloody madness.”

Exactly; sheer and utter bloody madness, but what do we know, I wonder how certain people sleep at night. I know it should not be the case, but I find now that anything a climate scientist says is going to be bogus, incorrect or made up, and hard to believe. And if man made global warming is as real a threat as they suggest, then they need to start to be honest, a total open book. To categorise what is used throughout the world to create the global temperatures we see as the highest in the last 150 years. The fact they seem to be alarmist, deceitful, greedy, worst possible scenario freaks, and unfortunately they have been crying wolf for so long now, we are sick of hearing it. If you go by the figures quoted in the early 90’s we shouldn’t have any more snow in Britain, as one climatologist suggested. The picture they created made our future look grim, apocalyptic even. Yet none of these extreme scenarios have manifested, the temperature rise expected has been grossly exaggerated. The fact that mere logic, shows their argument to be BS, as well as the wonderful Climategate emails, which show those supposed scientists to be nothing more than selfish greedy egotists, revelling in their power. If you have read those emails and can honestly see them any differently then I would definitely say you were suffering from cognitive dissonance.


All this snow must really be starting to annoy anyone who has to travel as part of their job, last night there were massive traffic jams along the main roads near where I live still after 10:00 – 10:30. This morning it looks whiter than ever, I found a cool image from space of the snow over Europe, it looked amazing from space and the one below is of Britain. Supposedly it is not going to snow today, let’s wait and see.

I have just reread my ‘Big Bang’ rant from last night, maybe I overreacted with it, but it does piss me off when supposed science shows, especially ones aimed at children (which I presume that one must have been) claim exacts.  When you watch the brilliant documentary series ‘The Universe’ or ‘How the Universe Works’ they say it is the likely chain of events, they make the distinction, and tell the audience it is not a proven fact. If you read any books or watch any lectures on the subject, they always tell you it is only a description or a model of likely events, not proof. And it is this disturbing dumbing down of facts, of telling kids this is definite, I find most alarming. We have to fight extremist views on what is science and what is not in this day and age. We should not make their incredulous arguments easier by creating programmes that state ideas that are not proven and sell them as so.  In the vain hope that if you dumb it down to such a level, make it so easy and simple that people may want to watch it and enjoy it. The really disappointing thing, this documentary was on the BBC and looked like it was created by the BBC. They do this quite often these days, the BBC is supposed to be a leading light as far as documentaries and science, but they sometimes make some big faux pas in judgement when creating their science programming.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Shine A Light

I shine a light for what is right,

And banish what is wrong,

I distinguish the difference,

The truest reason,

I fight for all so we can belong,

I wonder about the positives,

I think and fear the negatives,

I cease to imagine good from bad,

In a hope I create some peace,

In a thought I want to create happiness.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

The Human Virus

Just watched a documentary called the ‘Obama Deception’, it is by the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, and if I am honest I quite enjoy watching these docs. I am not sure whether I believe all they say but they are very interesting material. This one talks about the Bilderberg Group, about how these guys rule the world with the help of the major banks. Especially the ones in Britain and the US, the ones we have just bailed out. I remember watching a similar doc a few years ago before Obama became President of America saying he was no different to Bush, he was just a puppet. A bit the same as this one; they both say the government of America is run by the power men behind the scenes the Bilderberg Group. Or you could say a bunch of dumb ass rich guys with large egos who want to control everything. The problem with conspiracy documentaries is they can be just as biased as the main stream ones telling us the exact opposite, you never know what is real and what is not real. We never know who is really telling the truth, like I have said in an earlier post called ‘Chaos and Confusion’, we haven’t a clue what is going on, but the dangerous thing is now anyone who wants can find out information, and they can if they chose believe that information. Me, now, I am writing information which if you read it you can chose to believe it or not. At this moment in time, millions of people on the internet for good or bad are doing the same thing. How do you tell the ones trying to help the world and the ones trying to help themselves? It is difficult, what do you believe? I bet the Bilderberg toadies laugh their heads off at the rest of us, thinking they know they are in control and everyone else is just cannon fodder or sheep awaiting slaughter. The thing is one of these days something really bad will happen, worse than 911 something on a gargantuan proportion and all the money in the world won’t save you. We as a species won’t be ready for it, and like Britain today, a country not ready for a bit of snow, we will be over run and before you know it all hell is breaking lose. But will we learn from it, like hell we will.

You see I need to learn myself, I’ve done it again wrote about a documentary before it finishes. I should be ashamed of myself because now I have seen it all; I wonder to myself what the point of it is. Now that I have seen it all, it seems to me that there is as much BS in this doc as in the supposed ideologies it is trying to expose. It is basically a hate campaign against President Obama, they mention the Bilderberg Group, they mention the big banks, then they talk about gun laws and health care, this makes me sceptical about its true motives. Maybe some of it is true but it is trying to scare people to death in the same way the other groups do. They talk about civil security forces and an America’s right to carry guns. I think it is something they should ban personally, I prefer to walk down a street without the fear someone out there, may have a gun and want to shot it at me. I may slag off the NHS in Britain but I know it is better than nothing. It is better than no care what so ever. So a doc that started as interesting petered out like a wet fart. I now feel I have wasted two hours of my time watching this crap. You see that is exactly the problem with the world, so much nonsense so much BS, how can we ever know the truth.

Maybe Alex Jones wants to help America and the world, maybe he is doing it for noble reasons, but I am sceptical of some of his attitudes towards things. Maybe President Obama is a puppet, and is controlled, but how we go about solving this dreadful situation is still unclear. We humans can be such a despicable species, who perpetrate heinous acts continuously. Getting rid of the powerful banks is a good thing, stopping the few controlling the masses is also a good thing, but using force including weapons to start civil unrest, and stopping the poor from having healthcare is wrong. The ‘Obama Conspiracy’ might say it is not right wing or left wing but it is definitely wrong wing on some of its ideas thoughts and outcomes. We need to think beyond the normal parameters of conscious thought here to solve this terrible predicament. Unfortunately I feel if things continue the only way out of it will be by catastrophe and misery; which is generally the only way we humans learn anything.

The film the Matrix got it right when the Agent Smith described us a like a virus, invading a host and destroying it entirely until it is dead, and worthless, before moving onto another host. I’ll end with the immortal words of Agent Smith.

“I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague and we are the cure.”

The Circle

To move within the circle,

The never ending loop,

Perpetual and continuous,

Forever good incessant turning.

Entwining all existence,

Encompassing everything,

Unmasking the reality,

Never knowing always unknown.

The circle in always perfect,

The purest form one can understand,

Uninterrupted and continual,

It winds on and on forever more.

If the circle was ever broken,

The ceaseless journey stopped,

An incredulous end to everything,

The unending reign then lost.

Beyond Belief

A few years ago I found a series of lectures called ‘Beyond Belief’, the first one back in 2006 I think at the Salk Institute, in San Diego, California (I nice place to have a three day lecture in November). The first event covered the threat of religion on the world, as well as looking at science, I found it fascinating; to hear some of the greatest scientists alive today talking at the same event was inspiring. There were Nobel Prize winners, and more professors than at Hogwarts from Harry Potter. Now I know originally the focus was on the rise of religion and its attempts to force a change, a negative change in their eyes on the world as a whole. But the Beyond Belief’s held later in 07 and 08 concentrated on other topics as well. One I especially enjoyed was about neurology, and how the brain works, and of course the one about sound and music which showed how Beethoven created his 9th Symphony. I found the whole series excellent, and was looking forward to seeing the next event, but they stopped them after 08. Some of the great scientists to grace the event were the likes of Richard Dawkins, Paul Davies, Sam Harris, Sir Harold Kroto, Lawrence Krauss, VS Ramachandran, Michael Shermer, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Steven Weinberg, Daniel Dennett, Anthony Grayling, and many, many more.

The lectures that I still remember and stand out were by Paul Davies, Sam Harris, Sir Harold Kroto, and VS Ramachandran. I could go into details but you can get the Beyond Belief DVD’s which I would recommend to anyone who is interested in science or the threat religion has on the world. When I first started this blog, and was a bit deluded into thinking my ideas might actually be true, I sent an email to Sir Harold Kroto and he kindly replied. The other scientists I sent one too didn’t reply and I thought that was particularly nice thing for Sir Harry to do considering how busy these guys are. Watching the lectures helped me to formulate my concepts and ideas about the world and reality as well as other things. VS Ramachandran’s lecture about amputee victims and their phantom limb pain was fascinating.

I will leave by saying I wish they would do more lecture series like Beyond Belief; I loved them and found them extremely educational.

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Whatever happened to Bird Flu?

I have just watched a documentary about the top ten deadliest pathogens; it had all the usual suspects on there, Ebola, HIV, Malaria, Anthrax, Bubonic Plague, Smallpox, Cholera, etc, etc. As well as influenza; which got me thinking whatever happened to Bird Flu, everyone seemed so sure it was going to be one of the biggest disasters in history. I used to read everyday how the killer flu was spreading from birds to humans at an alarming rate, that the virus had one of the highest death rates, and was similar to the flu virus from 1918, commonly known as Spanish flu, which killed between 50 – 100 million people, far more than the First World War. I remember watching documentaries saying how the virus might move when it finally mutated into an airborne pathogen, and that the death rate could be as high as 500 million. Most alarmingly about the bird flu virus was that it was more harmful to the young, meaning it had the potential to wipe out the youth of the world. Yet none of this has happened, we had the Mexican flu scare or swine flu, the alarmist nonsense which terrified the world for a couple of months probably costing the economy billions of dollars. At the time I thought it was the calm before the storm, I thought that we are over reacting to Swine Flu and this would mean we might miss the potentially more deadly Bird Flu.

What does it all mean? Is it still a danger? Or was it over exaggerated; as we humans seem to do quite often, so we can create more apocalyptic nightmares for our children. I suppose there still is the potential for it to hit and devastate the world, but I do find it strange how it seems to have disappeared so quickly from the major alert it was causing less than 18 months ago to now.

I wish we as a species could be a bit more logical in our approach to the supposed critical, apocalyptic, doom scenarios some believe will happen to cause the end of our civilisation. We love to build them up, to make these possible global killers far more dangerous than they probably are. In fact I would say we cause more harm by this doom mongering than if we just were truthful and said yes there is a chance Bird Flu may hit, but it is small, and we are doing everything we can to prevent it. There is also a chance, a super volcano might explode, or an asteroid or comet may hit, the planet. Then of course (I had to mention it) to nasty global warming and badly named climate change, as well as nuclear bombs, earthquakes, oh let’s not forget Nostradamus’s bullshit prophecies. There is also the religious nut jobs, who seem to want the world to end, and I nearly forgot Tsunamis, they say the large slab of one of the Canary Islands may fall into the Atlantic and send a massive wave over 100 metres high across to hit the Eastern Seaboard of America. Aliens may come like Independence Day and blow us up, or like the X-files, and infiltrate us. I am being a bit facetious, but they are all as likely as one another, but as my mother used to say, you are more likely to be hit by a bus, so should we really worry about them all. Who knows?

Monday, 29 November 2010

When All

When all is said and done,

We are all just flesh and blood,

Full of emotions, surging continually,

Alive in our reality,

Part of the one.

When all is seen and completed,

The dust has settled on our lives,

The test is over,

The final hurdle of existence,

Forever forward we run.

When all is done and dusted,

All our moments passed one by one,

We lived our lives,

We’ve pushed the boundaries,

We wait for all, begun.

The Fog of Negativity

The heaviest shadow falls, slowly it covers everything; effortlessly it smothers you, envelopes you, sending you lower and lower, down further into oblivion. Moving gradually downwards, thick, and toxic, breathless are its clouds of gloom; the gaseous, hellish asphyxiation, choking, squeezing the life out of your soul. Damning everything to an eternity of nightmares, the blanket of malevolence, is all enclosing, full of lifeless death, full of emptiness, nothingness, meaningless. Wayward blindness, all consuming, deadliness, unnoticeable, total inconceivable, always thought improbable, but still it exists, and moves among its victims like a ghostly plague. Snaking its way, sniffing out its pray, lurking behind insignificance, prowling every corner, waiting for its chance to strike. The doom of existence is its nourishment, the life-force, the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and most of all the love. As it hangs above skulking, eyeing out the many victims below, balanced on the edge of time, always patient, never hurried it will take its time before finding its next sufferer, its next pray.

Shield yourself against its shadows, never become lost inside its darkness, hope you have the strength to fight back; pray you have the anchors to hold you in place. Notice when the blindness hits you, pay attention to the change; for it is subtle, it is faint, but it is always definite. Don’t get stuck within the glue of hellishness; don’t forget there is a way out, always remember the love around you, disregard the fog of negativity, the pessimistic thought, the blanket of toxicity, the cruel intention.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Why I love Tennis

If ever there was an example why tennis is one of the greatest sports to watch, one of the most exciting, thrilling, enthralling professional contests, today’s match between Rafa Nadal and Andy Murray showed this to perfection.  I mentioned earlier in the week the match between Nadal and Djokovic in Madrid, one of the greatest three set matches ever, this one matched it easily. 
Nadal won in a third set tiebreaker, 7-6, 6-3, 7-6, both played the best they could have played, Murray was sensational and should really have beaten the great Spaniard.  But the genius of Nadal, the shots he plays are quite incredible, he is the best example for any youngster wanting to better themselves; the guy just never gives up, never thinks he is defeated.  The amount of great matches he has been involved in, five or six, five set classics with Roger Federer, all in finals, he’s faced match points and come back to win and so many occasions it’s hard to believe.  In the Australian Open a few years ago, he played a five set classic against Verdasco in the semi’s, then played Federer in the final and beat him in five sets.  Who can forget the greatest match of all, the Wimbledon final against Fed.  Federer in my mind is still the greatest, but Nadal is just a smidge behind, he seems invincible when he is playing well, and he plays well in every big match.  Greg Rusedski has just called him superman.  And he is superman, at least he seems like he is, I hope Federer wins tonight, no disrespect to Djokovic, but Fed is playing well, and so is Nadal, it could be another classic, in the final.  I can’t wait.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Back to Earth

A shadow swooned across my heart then faded in the light,

The light it shone, the brightest beacon, glimmering with delight,

As it moved, and effortless flow, beaming ever brighter,

It warmed my soul, delicious glow; I floated like a feather,

The endless drift, the subtle journey, a fleeting glimpse of happiness,

Then back I surged, straight down to earth, forced down to ground forever.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

A World Government

This is a wacky idea about how to create a stable world government, where every country had equal share and equal vote, for everyone. Now I know this is a long shot but it sounds plausible to me, Imagine there is a time when all countries worked together, and they all decided to create a World Government, but how?

How could you create something that everyone trusts, everyone believes in, and everyone wants, and is proud of. Firstly I would separate the World Government from normal politics, and create a questionnaire to find the best candidates; these candidates would run for elections, to see which candidate is the most popular choice to be part of a world government. The winner would be part of the World Government, which would be made up of the one person in each country to have taken the questionnaire and won the election vote. These people would then be asked to form a world government; each position would be a lottery between all of the winners with each one having a chance to be the first World President. The others would form the other positions, and they would be monitored by old winners, for four years. If the old winners thought a candidate was incapable of keeping his position he would be sacked and sent home. That territory would then not have the opportunity to send another winner for two years. The losses for not having a winner on the World Government would be great; the area without a winner on the world government would be at the bottom of the pile for every major decision, for a year. Knowing this should stop any chance of rebellion because they know it is only a year with the sanctions, then they can begin the candidate search, and then as long as they chose the correct candidate to be a winner, then they are fine. They also know if they fail to choose a correct one this time they may have to face another year of sanctions; this should hopefully make the incentive to find the right candidate, instead of picking the easiest one or only one more advisable. Slowly as the World Government becomes better it will grow to manage the great world improvement projects, nothing political, more humanitarian. Initially all the winners would stay four years then become the leader of their particular area; they would lead for four years, then pass over to the next winner, and so on. If you have the correct people psychologically, and they all work well together positively, because this is the type of person we want, but they also respect authority and honour humanity, and they can do things for the benefit of everyone and not just themselves and their own area. Whether you could create a questionnaire to find a perfect leader is debatable, yet we know so much about the mind and the brain, at least we think we do. When you think about it, would that be so hard, could it be done, we use psychometric testing in the work place; we have many personality tests, IQ tests, the on the job learning, skills learning, and more. If you start with a few countries, and begin to create utopia, others will want to join, like the EC, but with different laws to rule. If you take the best from every country and put them together and help them to produce benefits for the Earth, don’t separate them make them all equal then you are building many friendships, many trusts and loyalties. These values they will take back to their area and hopefully start to change and reform, and improve for the good of everyone, not just the few.

This unfortunately has one major flaw, the biggest mistake, the largest error, which means my idea is worthless. The one thing I didn’t factor is that we are humans, incapable of trust, incapable of learning from our mistakes, incapable of even wanting to create somewhere decent for all, not just the lucky few. Maybe someone in the far distance may understand what I am saying, as it is total lunacy in this day and age, we are far, far, away from being capable of something so difficult. And we would still be corrupted by something, and so the deceiving would begin, the lying, to hide ones failings, ones fears. We are nowhere near ready, not even close. I know it sounds crazy but I think it would work; at least it might, when we finally grow up as a species. So it will stay crazy, until then.


When emotions run out and you become numb,

When all the sorrows, all the pain, are just too much to bear,

Your heart is broken and you are a lonely shell,

Adrift, a lost soul, bound by grief and darkness,

No clarity of thought, only ensuing madness do you see,

Blind in shadows, gone from all reality,

Nowhere to go, no one to see, only agony,

Down you fall, forgotten, never to be remembered,

Lie there broken, stay there broke, never try again,

Then you ask yourself the question,

A slow burn to the mind, and heart,

Can you rise, brush off the past,

Can you stand and feel proud once more,

Will you stand and feel the warmth around you,

Do you want to stand and fight some more.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010


I wish I could control my brain at times, I wish I could learn to say the right thing, to not react the way I do to situations. I wish I could see the bigger picture, and understand that what I believe maybe total nonsense. Unfortunately my mind always thinks it’s right and never seems to realise when it is wrong until it is too late. This works well for imagining weird concepts and ideas, but is crap when working out human emotion. I know I make many mistakes, but I keep making the same mistakes, I never learn from those mistakes, why is that? Then to make matters worse, I punish myself for making the same mistakes over and over again, until I am battered and bruised, lost and dishevelled. I hope that one day I will wake up and realise my mistakes but I am frightened I never will and I will continue to follow the same path.

Dark inside the deepest thought,

A whirling microcosm of hellish creation,

Digging deeper ever closer,

Eventually it causes distress,

How do you stop the knoring aggravation?

How do you deal with all the stress?

When can you finally end the cruelty?

When can you finally pass the test?

Monday, 22 November 2010

Mrs Meakins

I have always liked Agatha Christie, she has a unique way of writing, she loves to create conversation.  Now I would never say I am any good at copying her style but this is my attempt.  Not sure why I tried it, but it was fun thinking of it.  unfortunately it is a bit obvious, I am not at the criminal mastermind writing level yet.

Mrs Meakins lived alone, in the end house on Bridlington Terrace; she was a 58 year old widow, with a gammy leg. She enjoyed her weekly bingo game at the local, and going out with Doris on Fridays for lunch. Otherwise she lived a quiet life, she had no children, she had wanted kids but was unable to conceive, Burt her dead husband was infertile.

Now on Wednesday morning around half past ten, maybe it was nearer quarter to, she wasn’t sure, but around then she witnessed a murder.

Constable Evans was first on the scene; he had interviewed the whole street apart from number 83, as he knocked on the door, he saw a woman look through the blinds and gesture for him to go around the back. Constable Evans or Bill to his mates didn’t find this unusual, he followed the ladies suggestion and headed around the back. Mrs Meakins was waiting at the back door.

“Hello I am...”

“Shush!” Mrs Meakins had her finger to her mouth, she looked frightened.

“Are you ok madam?” whispered the constable.

Mrs Meakins gestured quickly for the officer to come inside. As he entered the house frantically Mrs Meakins looked around suspiciously and slammed the door shut. She breathed a sigh of relief, as she locked the back door and ushered the constable through to the living room.

“Are you alright madam?” the officer asked again.

“Are you hear about the incident?” Mrs Meakins whispered.

“If you are talking about the murder madam then yes I am.”

“Oh good that’s a relief,” she said thankfully. “Would you like a cup of tea, and a biscuit?”

“Cup of tea would be nice madam,” said the constable.

“Please call me Penelope, Penelope Meakins,” she said sounding more pleased.

Constable Evans sat down on the old fashioned velour chair and waited. As he sat there he heard a strange noise and a small Black Scottie dog rushed into the room and started barking uncontrollably at the officer. Mrs Meakins quickly entered the room at hearing the commotion.

“Cartland, behave leave the nice constable alone,” she said in a pathetic, I love you so much voice.

“It’s quite alright Mrs Meakins; we are used to every kind of animal when out on the beat.”

“Now come on my pretty little Carty baby. What has mummy got for you,” she said in a sacrin sweat googy woogy voice.

Finally after many moments in the kitchen, Mrs Meakins entered with a huge pot of tea and a plate of cakes and biscuits. The constable marvelled at the fact there was only two of them yet Mrs Meakins had brought out enough cakes for the whole street. There was fondant fancies, walnut cake, chocolate biscuits, hobnobs, fairy cakes, and some strange looking log thing, the constable didn’t like the look of.

“How do you like your tea Constable?”

“Eh a little milk, no sugar, thank you.”

Mrs Meakins poured the tea; the constable found it extremely unusual considering how flustered she had been only moments before.

“So Mrs Meakins, what can you tell me about this morning,” said the officer in his, I am a policeman voice. “Did you see the murder take place or who the culprit might be?”

“Well,” said Mrs Meakins, “I was out first thing, I had to go to the doctors, get my pills for my gammy leg. I was there at 8:30 sharp, Doctor Anderson saw me straight away, oh he’s such a nice doctor a lovely man, only young mind, must be just out of University.”

“Yes Mrs Meakins, when did you leave the doctors?”

“Well as I was saying, I was in there from 8:30, I must have been in there ten minutes, I left, and then I bumped into Agnes, she was in about her bunions, they were playing up. Oh what a time she’s had with them recently. She’s been to hospital six times and still no nearer to getting them removed.”

“Thank you Mrs Meakins but can we stick to the murder please,” Constable Evans was starting to think this was a wild goose chase, and that Mrs Meakins was just a lonely old woman wanting to talk to someone.

“Well as I was saying,” said Mrs Meakins again. “After talking to Agnes it must have been about nine O’clock, I left the surgery and headed to the shops, I wanted to get something nice for Cartland. He does love a nice bit of chicken on Wednesdays.”

“And after you left the shops, Mrs Meakins, did you come home?”

“Well as I was saying, I went to the shops must have been in there about thirty minutes, it wasn’t very busy for a Wednesday morning. I bought myself a nice cake and some brisket for tea. I then went to get the bus home.”

“And what time did you get home Mrs Meakins?”

“Umm well the bus journey took about forty five minutes I think, it was slow the traffic was terrible, plus the bus driver did not seem to know where he was going and he smelled really bad.”

“So you arrived home at approximately 10:15?” said the Constable trying to sound enthusiastic, and not too condescending.

“No, I got off the bus at around 10:15, then I had to walk home,” she said looking at her leg, “It’s not easy walking with a gammy leg. Plus I bumped onto Beryl Bullish, and we had a chat for a few minutes it must have been around 10:30. It had started to rain, but I managed to get inside before it came down really heavy.”

“This would be the time of the murder,” said the officer impatiently.

“Yes it was, I noticed a dark silhouetted figure across the street, I did not think anything of it at the time.”

“What was he wearing?”

“I could not tell in the rain, I think it was a long dark over coat, and a large hat, like a trilby. He was smoking a cigarette.”

“What happened next?” asked the Constable, thinking finally he was getting somewhere.

“Well as I said it was raining heavily, it was dark and hard to see outside properly. He must have been standing there a good ten minutes. I went to take my wet clothes off and say hello to Cartland, I put my slippers on and made a cup of tea. Then I heard a loud noise, and a scream, it came from down the street. I rushed to look out of the window and could see a dark figure, I presumed the man from across the street, standing over someone. He was bringing his arm down in a stabbing motion, at the figure on the floor.”

“Did you see what he looked like?” said the constable quickly, “Did he have any distinguishing features?”

“I’m sorry deary but I couldn’t tell he was quite a way away. I noticed he looked up as another woman screamed then he started to run.”

“Another woman, did you see who that was?”

“It could have been Beryl, or it might have been Mavis, but it could have been anyone in that rain,” she said disappointed.

“That’s Ok Mrs Meakins, is there anything else can tell us about the crime? Anything at all, however small.”

“No I am sorry, that is all I can remember.”

“Ok Mrs Meakins, you have been a great help, I am sure a detective will be around to ask you some more questions later, to follow up our enquiries, will you be contactable.”

“Oh yes.”

“May I ask, why were you so frightened earlier when I arrived?”

“Err no reason, didn’t recognise you thought it was a door to door salesman.”

As the constable sat there a little longer, he started to feel a little queasy, his head was killing him and he felt a bit faint.

“Do you mind if I use the bathroom please?” he asked.

“Oh you look a little peaky officer, it just up the stairs on the right.”

Constable Evans staggered out of the living room into the hallway, and started to climb the stairs, he felt nauseous, and his vision was becoming blurry. He grabbed the banister, and slowly climbed the stairs, forgetting which room Mrs Meakins had told him he staggered in to the spare room. With blurry vision, and swaying side to side, he noticed something terrible on the side table, but he could not focus on it properly.  He was unable to say for certain, but he was sure it looked like a bloody knife.

“Mrs Meakins,” he shouted, “Mrs Meakins,” his voice becoming fainter and fainter.

As he turned Mrs Meakins was standing behind him, with a large sinister smile on her face.

“Naughty naughty officer, you shouldn’t pry into a ladies bedroom,”

The officer swayed more and more, sweat pouring down his brow, “Mrs... Meak... ins...”

And then he collapsed to the floor, he could not move, he lay there a while, he could not think. Then he noticed another figure climbing the stairs, his vision was still blurred, but he knew it was not Mrs Meakins. The figure was tall, he was a man, he stood in front of the constable, all Evans could see were the black Brogue shoes he wore. The man lent down.

“Think you can pick on old women PIG?” he shouted.

Then the constable blacked out.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

The Reality of Existence

As motion slowly move the sands of time,

Every eventuality, every moment long lived,

Each consequence played out,

All actions and reactions, causing and effecting,

Changing the fabric of the Universe forever,

The perpetual loop of continuous existence,

The never ending line of fate,

The anomaly of reality, and ones unique perspective,

Forging new on new, yet always whole, always complete,

Unknowable, incomprehensible, never could one understand,

However created, no one could ever repeat.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

What’s Important?

Have you ever asked yourself that question, what’s important, to you personally.  What would you think of, what would you say? I can imagine everyone has their own versions of what is important, but what is truly important is in essence the same for everyone, as it should be I think. Continued good health must be the priority above all others in importance, because without this all other things that maybe seem more important, become far less so. Not enough people would put good health at the top of their importance list, but it should be everyone’s most important. Someone to love you and be in love with you, and you sharing that same love and feelings towards them, a soul mate, a best friend, a loyal companion.  Someone you would give your life for, someone you trust with everything, so much so you want to have children together and raise a family, a loving family, a strong family.  You want the best for them always; sharing of love, peace and happiness; sharing excitement and joy, sadness and pain, sharing a closeness, a bond. What’s important is feeling content, satisfied, fulfilled and proud of your achievements, aware of your success and your failings. To know the difference between right and wrong, to stand up for your beliefs and never betray a friend, to feel loyalty and friendship.

To me these are all what’s important, and I hope someday, I will have the chance to see them all come true.

Battle of the Galaxies

The stars of the Universe came out for a battle,

They gathered in their respective Galaxies,

Galaxy v Galaxy, for total supremacy,

The clusters they started to form.

Our own Milky Way formed its own local group,

And the group was joined by many more,

Alliances started, and the Star’s they all waited,

Which Galaxy would begin the war?

After billions of eons, expanding beyond,

Moving further and further away,

The respective collectives, lost total perspective,

And the Great War just never took sway.

And now the great Galaxies roam aimless and lost,

The reason for fighting was gone,

Not one star could understand it, or who was behind it,

So they drift around in spiral arms.

Thursday, 18 November 2010


Truth is the lie told for the wrong reasons,

Truth is the honest mans get out of jail card,

Truth is the justification to be nasty and mean,

Truth is always right but never easy,

Truth causes conceit, and superiority,

Truth can be good and can also be bad,

Truth never lies, but can still be dishonest,

Truth breeds hatred and contempt,

Truth can hide in an ocean of deceit,

Truth always finds a way,

Truth can be an inspiration,

Truth can end friendship,

Truth is an opinion,

Truth is never the whole truth and nothing but the truth,

Truth is the limitation of mankind.


Today at this moment I sit and I wait,

I wonder and ponder what will be my fate,

I mull over reasons, and consequences,

I hustle and bustle, and wrestle and tussle,

Confusion and conflict, inaccurate assumptions,

To many reactions, compounding presumptions,

Decisions go one way, and then they go t’other,

Working out answers a tedious bother,

I think of the costs, are they good are they bad?

I think of the answers will they make me sad,

I try to imagine how fine it can be,

I hope I am right and I will be happy.


What is fear? What is it like to be scared to death, to feel dreads awful grip tightening around your soul. What is terror? How does it feel to live inside the nightmare? Where can you go, what can you do? Do you see inside the dark places, can you see where fear lives? Does it dwell deep inside all of us, in the shadows, the blinding darkness. Fear is the uncontrollable urge, the enforcer, the dyer decision maker, the emotion that causes pain, and forces unnatural consequences. Fear sends the shiver up your spine, fear delivers you into the hands of evil, fear controls the weak. When you feel the trembling of your nerves, the racing of your heart, the surging desire to survive at all costs, then you are in the grips of fear.

The instinct to survive creates fear; the fight or flight, the live or die, the kill or be killed, but now when we are the supreme animals on this planet, the fear is not against the other animals that may want to kill you for food. It is against the other humans that are full of fear, fear of you and fear of others. We need fear, but need to feel afraid at times, because there are some who do not feel fear, they are never afraid. And now they are the ones you need to fear above all, for someone without fear is reckless, a risk taker, and maybe their lack of fear will ultimately be the reason for our doom.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

A Quiet Place

***NOTE***  I wrote this for a writing site I was a member of ages ago, but it wasn't very good so I changed most of it and ended up with this tale about being a French Nurse in the Second World War.  Well it could be anything really but that is the situation I created, I remember writing it because I was in a highly energetic time and this was written through the night.

A quiet place, I lonely spot, Nurse Girard sits calmly contemplating, thinking about her love and where he may be; her mind is full of dreadful images. Death, destruction, explosions all around, they keep her awake, never-ending, no rest bite, more will come tonight. Fearful nightmares, constant night raids, when will the bombing stop?

Nurse Girard works inside a shell, a ruined edifice, now used as a hospital.

It is July 1944; the allies have broken out of the beachhead at Normandy.

Nurse Girard, she does not care, her world is collapsing, and it is hard for her to bear. Blood covers the floor, a red slippery goo, from wall to wall, they are blood splattered too; from open wounds, and hellish screams, the smell of death, it takes your dreams. Death cries out from all around, nightmarish shrieks, tormented faces surround her, morning, noon and night.

"Please, please, please..." She whispers quietly, quivering lip, single tears role down her blood stained face. She touches it gently, she knows, yet does not know.

Nurse Girard is strong of heart, but now she feels so weak. So much pain, so much misery, and now her worst fears lie in her hands. The letter falls delicately from her right hand, it is a telegram. It is from the French army, she has not read it, she cannot read it. She does not want it to be true and maybe, just maybe, if she leaves it unopened it will not be true, and the nightmare will go away.

"I have to keep this hope inside; please do not tell me, my Pierre has died. No please, they must be wrong, how can I live if he is gone."

Pierre and Elise married in spring of 39, a beautiful day, plenty of singing and dancing, as well as good wine. So long ago it seems now, how much has changed, how much has been lost.

"He told me, he was mine forever, our love so strong, to overcome whatever."

He was tall, a gallant French Officer, Captain Pierre Girard of the French Army. She tries to remember his striking face, she finds an old picture, emotion breaks, my love, my Pierre, agony, and pain, etched, and ingrained.

"Please my love, be a mistake, come back to me now, it's not too late. How could you leave me in this mess, I need you my love, now more than ever."

She sits in silence, comatosed, a living wreck, a zombie host; her silent aguish gently cries, "I do not want to be alive," her screams inside, "I want to die ".

She prays a bomb will end her despair. Closing her eyes, she imagines with all her heart; that he is sitting by her side, to comfort her, and say she is special, caress her hair and kiss her gently on the lips. She reaches out, her left hand to feel his touch, then falls to the floor and kneels to pray.

"Oh please my lord," she cried out loud, "why did you take my love, please bring him back. I cannot live without him, please oh Lord, I beg, I pray. Let my sweet Pierre come back to stay."

Blood stained knees, on her nurse's frock, she slumps to her left, and lies on the blood soaked floor. Grief transfixes her fragile mind; she cannot move, she cannot think, numbness, emptiness, she feels as if she is blind.

Time goes by, but has no meaning. The sirens, the bombing, the shouting, the screaming, nurse's frantically running, hell is all around her. She does not hear, she does not see, her tunnel vision fixed on her 'Pepe'. Remembering his special name, the one she called him, that wonderful spring, a lingering brief happiness, a short-lived, sweet delusion, a lingering smile, she can still imagine through all this hellish confusion.

She remembers them running through cornfields in summer, and drinking champagne under a shady tree. More memories to savour, their last Christmas together, in front of the fire, she sees it so clearly, longing with desire. She knows now, it's impossible, and emotions build up - that was the last time she saw her true love. The last time she kissed him, the last time they touched, the last time she heard "I love you so much".

Finally, the goodbye, as he boarded the train, "It won't be long," he cries, "I'll see you in spring". They wrote to each other continuously, but no letter can replace, his loving embrace. Hitler's tanks had surprised them, going through the Ardennes, and now half a million soldiers surrounded at Dunkirk.

"Please live my love, don't ever leave me".

She remembers those feelings, not knowing his fate, she rejoiced when she found out, he was in Britain and safe, and now he was part of a new French Army, lead by Charles de Gaulle, France was still fighting she thought.

"My love is a war hero, he fought everywhere, North Africa, Sicily, and finally in France, for his heroics in Italy, he won the Legion d'honneur. I felt so proud, he was so brave, my Pepe, my husband, my soul mate, my love".

She picks up the letter, and opens the seal; the pain is incredible, her hands refuse to repeal.

Madam Girard,

With great sadness I write to you, your husband, Major Pierre Girard died of his wounds, fighting bravely outside of Caen.

In giving his life, he saved many more. He is a true hero of France will never forget, evermore.

Your husband was a great man and a great leader, I wish to convey our deepest sadness at his passing, and wish to tell you his last words. He said as he was lying in hospital, “please tell my beautiful wife Elise, I love her and that she will be with me forever and she will be my last thought, the love of my life.”

Tears fall from swollen eyes, she could not read anymore. Now, she knows she has to fight on, and not give in to her grief.

"I am a nurse," she tearfully cries, "I am here to help the sick and the wounded".

As she regains her composure, she walks back to the ward. The noise is still unbearable, it is impossible to take, but now she feels stronger, Pierre is beside her, always right next to her heart.

Taking a deep breath, she re-enters the bloody madness.

"Nurse, Nurse," the doctor shouted, "Can you look at that man."

Like many others, she will never give up and always fight on.

Goodbye Planet Earth it was nice knowing you!




Dear Everyone,

An invisible object orbits our beautiful blue planet; it is above the clouds, and the atmosphere, past all the satellites and junk. Way out there, as far as the moon. Something unknowable is spying, listening, learning, collecting information; studying our every move. We humans cannot observe or understand the mystery watching our planet. At this moment our technology and perspective have not matured enough to comprehend their existence. Unfortunately, due to circumstances we do not control, all this is about to change. In fact, our reality has already changed permanently; now, it is critical we change as well.

The reason for this is simple.

An accident occurred at 12:23pm today; the invisible objects, that should not exist; somehow managed to alter our reality. This reality change, though insignificant, inconsequential, and not even noticeable from their perspective, has, however caused a massive change for anyone living on our Planet, Planet Earth.

Information understandable to everything affected is being released by the Reality Changers, unless we all expand our Evolutionary Perspective to their level, our existence is terminal. A minimum of three quarters of the human population, have to read and understand the information, if we are unable to reach the minimum within seven days, we will all cease to exist.

At this time, there is no news regarding the causes of the accident.

Please take the matter seriously, and read everything. Try to relax your mind, you will find it easier to digest the information.

I have every hope we will succeed.

The Illuminator

After staring continuously at a large translucent screen, my eyes were aching, watery, and swollen. I felt trapped, a blurry vision, is this all real, I thought. Bowing my head, I rubbed them as hard as I could, I did not want to continue. I turned around to look directly at the silhouetted figure, sitting in the distance.

“I need a break,” I said, “I can’t take in anymore, why do I have to write this, why do I have to tell the world it’s over?”

“That is so,” said a deep hollow voice, “please continue.”

Closing my eyes tightly I wept a silent tear, now fully aware of facts, yet still, a selfish pity repelled me from facing the truth. I did not want to be the one. Turning to face the screen once more, I tried to recall how I ended up in this situation. How did I end up being the one man who has to tell the world it is going to end?

I was driving past Westlake View around lunchtime, when the heavens opened; a mini monsoon erupted from nowhere. No sooner had the deluge started, water was gushing through the streets, turbulent, torrents, flooding everywhere. Luckily, I was near the top of Sedgemoor Bank, when all around me went incredibly dark, occasionally illuminated by lightening scaring the sky. I had never witnessed weather like this before. Slowing down gradually, I switched my headlights on, it was nearly impossible to see anything further than a few metres, even with lights. I crawled along, instinctively hoping the car and some good luck, would keep me from going off the road. I switched from CD to radio, hoping to catch a weather report; there was no mention of this on the news earlier. No reception, only static, all channels dead, on all wavelengths, I should of realised this was not normal, instead I thought it must be the storm. Pulling over I tried calling my wife, I thought it best to tell her I was not going to be on time, she is a terrible worrier. I was still 30 miles from Greendale, at this rate it would take all day. No luck with my phone, only dead tone, I tried to call again, but still nothing. It must be the storm, I presumed, an electrical charge affecting reception. I was soon to learn, that the storm was not the cause, but a consequence of a change in our reality. The rain continued relentlessly, I made a decision to try to carry on. I turned the ignition, the car whined and moaned but would not start, I sensed it was not going to be my day. Banging my fists against the steering wheel, and gently hit my head against it as well, what was I to do? Closing my eyes, I wondered what to do next. I did not need to think long, a loud noise surprised me and I jumped back in my seat. In front of me, as if by magic, was a glimmering light. Effortlessly it danced across and around my car, like a ballerina pirouetting gracefully. It was amazing to watch, lightening must have struck my car. My heart raced, adrenaline rushed around me, then quiet screaming terror, enveloped my mind, as I witnessed a face, a blank expressionless face, staring at me. My heart pounding, my hands wet and clammy, the face covered my windscreen. I felt a heavy haze, then nothing, a blackout. I fell into non-existence.

I have no knowledge of the events that transpired, between then and now. All I know is after blacking out, my conscious thought, detached and separated from my body. Essentially meaning, I did not exist on Earth, I had briefly travelled to another reality.

An overwhelming sense of inadequacy scorched my mind, a realisation, an awful certainty that we are all meaningless. I slouched to the floor, dull pain, head of Morpheus, my eyes heavy, there was no point in going on, I concluded. Desolation was momentary, before returning to this reality, my reality, though not the reality I was expecting.

I did not move I had no mind, staring into the blackness.

For a while silence, then a sense I was not alone. I did not feel fear; I did not feel anything, though I sensed a presence. Closing my eyes, I resigned myself to wait; I did not have to wait long.

“Are you Maxwell Collins?” said a soft female voice.

“Yes,” I croaked, “but please, just Max.”

Appearing, as if out of thin air, a statuesque figure, a striking woman, tall and slender, she held out her hand and smiled.

“I am Diogenes the vessel of knowledge, holder of the light. You are the illuminator, to act as my scribe. You will tell your Collective Perspective, what it needs to know.”

“My wha...” I drooled, not of this world, head full of hazy blackness.

“Please relax,” she said so softly, like a purring cat.

“Who are you?” I stupidly asked.

“I have already told you,” she said, still so soft, so calm.

“Yes you told me your name, but who are you?”

“You are correct,” she said smiling, then as before she disappeared into thin air.

I must be dreaming. A lucid dream, a dream in reality, or was it something else I was not able to fathom or comprehend. The pitch-blackness pained my eyes; I wanted to see light but felt like drifting flotsam, floating effortlessly through space and time. How long had I been here, I was not sure, before I sensed another figure.

“Hello,” I whispered, “Is that you?”


“But...” I was confused, “you are a man.”

“I am no man or woman; I am Diogenes the vessel of knowledge, holder of the light,” said a deep hollow male voice. “You will now be prepared to increase your Evolutionary Perspective.”

“My what?” I said now even more confused. “You said Collective before?”

“Just listen, this is not going to be easy for you,” said the deep voice. “You will have to learn more than your present existence demands. This will happen in many ways, orally communicated, directly downloaded, visually stimulated and many other ways, you will not understand.”

My mind felt like a spinning top getting faster and faster, I thought of alien abduction. I thought of many things, I wished I did not think of, but I sensed goodness and truth, and this perplexed me.

“Please listen, relax, and confirm,” said the deep voice.

“Ok,” I squeaked.

“You are, from your perspective, an evolved biological species, inhabiting a rocky planet, orbiting a small star?”


“Let me finish, please.”

I thought he was finished, what could be next, I was not an astronomer or a physicist, surely, there were better people to save the planet. What were the consequences, if I did not know the answers? What if I was wrong or mistaken?

“Please, Max,” said the calm female voice, “We know you know the answers, but we need to hear it orally. Please just relax.”

“The small star, you call the Sun, is part of many stars, you call a Galaxy. Your Galaxy the Milky Way, is one of many Galaxies, you call a cluster. Your cluster the Local Group is part of larger clusters, which you call Super Clusters. Your Super Cluster is part of what you call the Cosmic Web, which you believe is down to gravity created by the mass of matter, and the invisible glue you call Dark Matter. All this you call the Known Universe, which you believe to be a tiny part of the whole Universe. Please confirm this is correct?”

“Err, I don’t know,” I spluttered confused, “I think so, but I’m no Astro-Physicist, I work in a bank.”

“Relax, Max, listen to what I told you,” said the soft calm female voice.

“Yes, it is correct,” I shouted assertively.

“Let your imagination run away with you now please. Sense this is the reality and flow with it.”

“Ok,” I said cautiously, I did not know what she meant.

“Imagine a Motorway, Freeway, Autobahn.”

“Yes, a motorway.”

“Imagine the motorway has an infinite amount of lanes, and it is infinitely long. Now imagine there are an infinite number of motorways, stacked one on top of the other infinitely. Can you imagine this?”


“Now, imagine a Russian doll,” said the deep voice. “Each layer of the doll is inside another layer infinitely, as well as outside a layer infinitely. Do you understand?”


“Now try to imagine, the dolls are placed on the motorway, side by side in all directions infinitely. On every motorway, and every lane, infinitely.”

“Wow, yes I do.”

“The Universe, the whole Universe you believe to exist in your reality is but one layer of one doll. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I believe I do.”

“Well done Max,” said the soft female voice, “you may save them.”

Them, the word rattled around my head like a timber built rollercoaster, round and round it went never stopping. Why did she use the word them, surely I am one of them?

Like a goldfish swimming in an aquarium, never realising, never knowing, why it continued to swim around, the memory span so small, the word disappeared, evaporated as though it never existed.

Before I realised what I was doing or thinking, a bright light filled the room, blinding white light, intense, intrusive, I covered my eyes it was unbearable. I shouted, I shouted as loud as I could, but no sounds left my lips, only emptiness, a hollow breathless nothingness, forced on me. Adrenaline, surged through my body, but it was not real, it was a creation, a delusion, my mind trying to compensate, unsure of its surroundings.

“Relax, Max, slow your mind, over ride your senses. You create your own reality, you decide,” said the voice, deep and slow, a cavernous droll, “what is real.”

The brightness slowly dimmed, a blurry, hazy canvas, was forming in front of me, I sensed, it felt like a watercolour, left out in the rain. Then a noise, a loud noise, I was sweating, soaking wet. I felt pain all over; shooting, agonizing, it covered my body. As the pain increased, the painting started to take shape, slowly changing colours, bright red, yellow, and blue. The bright light pierced my eyes.

“Sir,” I hear a voice, “Sir, can you hear me Sir, we are going to move you onto the stretcher, do you know your name.

My consciousness slowly returning, where am I? A man, a bright yellow man, was shouting at me, I felt confused, the pain was nearly intolerable, shooting all around my body; a continuous agony. Then I felt myself lifting, my mind was ebbing in and out of reality. My life force was continuously flowing, one way, then another. Tiredness, drowsy exhaustion, overcame me once more, finally I returned to blackness, and the emptiness of non-existence.

Even More Ramblings from a Crazy Man

There is a sense of wonder inside my soul, it wants to learn all there is to learn; to know all there is to know. I want this sense to grow, to nurture; to eventually breakout of the constricting barriers we set around ourselves in everyday life. Like the roots of a tree I want to find new ground, fresh soil to flourish, to produce something beyond my capabilities as a human. I still do not know if this is possible, if it is feasible, but if it is, I will find a way to achieve it, I will break free. This is my strongest desire, the one that overrides all others, a determination to find answers to what, why and how. Maybe it is lunacy to think this way, but it is the only way I know how to think, it is the way that drives me forwards, the way I feel right about. You always know when something is right; you can sense the ease of flow, that inner belief, the instinctive urge beyond the realms of normality.

I sense others have similar feelings and thoughts, that they are part of something greater than the common man comprehends or understands, and this feeling is growing and growing exponentially every day, every month, every year, every time we release conscious thought into words and tell the world what it is we are all striving for, what it is we can all offer each other, as well as all other things, with this powerful tool we have trapped inside our heads, brains and bodies. I have read many spiritualists and teachers who feel this time of flowering is upon us now. This conscious change in evolution, the conscious change towards something more positive and beneficial to existence, the move away from instinctive animal urges to composed, intelligent thought. How this will happen is anyone’s guess, and whether we will even notice it happening is highly unlikely especially for most people. The sharpest sword of existence is there in front of us, we have managed to travel along the hilt and now we stand on the beginning of the blade. Whether we are able to stay on the blade until the end, who knows, will we fall to either side or be crushed, we will find out soon enough.

Enlightenment and darkness surround us, we have the choice to make, but will we make the right choice, or will we be deceived into make the wrong selection. Time will tell.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010


There are so many things you would love to happen, I have many of them, too many I suppose.  I wish for many things and I hope that the things I wish for will be wished for by others, and if I am lucky the others will be the ones I want to be involved in the things I wish for.  I hope that makes sense; some people get most of their wishes, some get a few, some get some, and some get hardly any.  I would like to get some of my wishes and it would be even more amazing if some of the wishes I want, involve the people I would like to have those wishes with, wanted them too.  I can but dream, I can but want, I can but wish, and hope and one day, I will find someone who wants the same wishes I want and we can enjoy those wishes together.  I don’t expect much out of life but that is something I would really love and enjoy, to find that one person who feels the same way I do, and wants to same things I want, well is that too much to ask, is that too much to wish for – maybe.

Impact Post

I cannot remember when I wrote the short story below, I had the idea that it would be cool to see what would happen if the moon was hit by an asteroid instead of Earth.  I think it would make a cool film; the original idea is part 2.  The after affects to the planet, I might write that out later.  It is strange how from a small thought, an concept can grow.  I think I must have been watching documentary about how precious our moon is to life on Earth.  I think I need to add that my tenses change throughout the piece, I know it isn't good, but its started one way and then I changed it to another, I am still learning this writing malarkey, its still bloody difficult for me to do this. 

Two Hours to Impact

In two hours an amazing event will occur, it will be witnessed by the whole world and the world will never forget the experience and will be changed forever. Two hours until the world changes once more, two hours, until the beginning of the end. Two hours from the end of one age and the beginning of another.


These are the words from Thomas Kane, an extract from notes found many years after the disaster; they are the only account of the greatest disaster to hit Earth for millions of years.


For me personally it was a rough night which I will never forget, it’s traumatic to recall but I will try to recount the details as I remember them. My wife Claire, was in labour with our first child, she was one week late and I was trying desperately not to look nervous in front of her. At the time it was not widely known but many pregnant women were late. No one really understood what it meant then, or for that matter what was about to happen.

1:45hrs until impact. You may be wondering what impact I am talking about, as it has been written out of history. The whole sequence of events erased from time. The impact was an Asteroid, so large it’s incredible to think it was missed by every space agency. A massive hulk of rock, over one thousand kilometres in length was hurtling towards the inner solar system at an alarming rate. It had passed Mars without any fuss and now it was on course to pass Earth. How such a large rock had not been detected by the various satellites was never known by the population at large. It was very large, incredibly dense, and dark; these were the excuses given by NASA and the other space agencies.

Back on Earth, everyone continued their daily lives unaware of the disaster that was about to befall them. As I held my wife’s hand, I tried to comfort her tried to make her feel this was going to be a glorious event, our first child, the happiest day of my life. The doctor was now ready to induce her, although they did not seem concerned, this was normal procedure, I felt a little apprehensive.

1:30hrs until impact. Claire’s contractions are becoming closer and she was in a great deal of pain, I wanted to take the pain away. I wanted this to be over, she cried out for drugs to ease the passing of time, how much longer would we wait.

“I want it out!” She cried as the doctors started to show more concern. I felt her pain and suffering my helpless situation what could I do, how could I make this easier on her?

1:15hrs to impact. Alarms started to ring when she lost consciousness, she was bleeding badly, and the doctors wanted to operate immediately. They were prepping surgery, I remember my heart was beating faster than a humming bird; I was failing badly, trying to compose myself, and not to think terrible thoughts. I knew I needed to stay focused; I had to show her, how much I loved her, how much she and the baby meant to me, and that I was there for her and our unborn child.

The first warning of the asteroid was eventually picked up by governments and intelligence agencies around the world around this time. Although no-one knows this yet, crisis meetings were being held, trying to figure out how to stop a mass panic, the World was totally at the mercy of this giant Leviathan. No scientist, no Politian, not anybody, was going to be able to prepare for the impending doom.

1:00hrs to impact. Claire and unborn child were rushed straight into emergency surgery. I remember I prayed both would survive; I prayed as the tears ran down my cheeks, this was hard to take. Even now, I rack my brains thinking what I did wrong, what could I have done differently. The pain is still hard to bear, even now. Claire’s parents were there with me, they try to comfort me but they are feeling just as anxious, just as scared, they don’t want to think of what may happen. I try to stay positive, but they can see the desperation and pain in my eyes.

45 Minutes to impact. Claire went into surgery, we just had to hope.

30 Minutes to impact. We heard nothing from inside the surgery, I have a sinking feeling inside my stomach, I know something is wrong; surely it should not take this long. I try to find out what is happening but the doctors and nurses all have worried faces, they look terrified. Although I was not interested at this stage, I did notice the asteroid was headline news, they are saying it can be seen in the night sky. A glowing ball of rock in the sky, hurtling towards Earth, everyone is expecting it to hit Earth. Panic slowly starts to envelope the world, hospital staff frantically rush around preparing for the worst, but I did not care about any of this. I just wanted my beautiful wife and my unborn child, to live.

15 Minutes to impact. Joy at last, I have a son; I remember my heart leapt, I was so happy, the most amazing feeling. The nurse said he was healthy, I asked about Claire, but she did not seem so confident, she said I would have to wait and see. She had lost a lot of blood; the surgeons were trying desperately to save her.

7 Minutes to impact. Alarms started to ring everywhere; white clad assistants were running around the surgery, desperately trying to save her. Everything became a blur, so many alarm bells, sirens; I was confused lost in a trance. I could see through the surgery windows, my wife on the table, blood everywhere, as she slowly faded away. Everything happened at once, so quickly, my life changed at the same time as the lives of everyone on our planet.

5 Minutes to impact. I felt like my world ended, Claire was dead, lying on the operating table, too much blood loss, not enough oxygen to the brain. My love was dead, she meant everything to me, she was my whole world. My lover, my friend, my confidant, my everything. I ran, needing to be alone, I ignored cries, ignored everyone, I was lost in a trance, unable to focus or concentrate, I left I was in another world, a world where pain and misery are hammering me at every opportunity. Tears poured down my cheeks, and I walked slowly up to the roof. I sat down on the rooftop and look up at the sky; I could not control myself, so much grief, it was hard to cope, even now it is hard to write, I then noticed the bright flash heading across the sky, I did not care. I was trapped in nightmarish shadow, yet the sky is nearly on fire, as this huge bright light was heading faster and faster towards our planet. This meant nothing to me, I felt my life had ended before the impact.


As the tears rolled down my face, I watched the sky the bright light sped across at an amazing speed and then as if in slow motion, I watched it hit the moon. A brilliant blinding light, flashed brighter than anyone could imagine, it was night but now it was day, the sky was alive. The loudest, most thunderous roar hit Earth, a supersonic sound wave like no other, as if a million nuclear bombs detonated at once. I was thrown back to the floor, by the blast. I watched aghast in horror and disbelief at the amazing site before my eyes, the moon had changed into a massive ball of molten rock, burning bright, brilliant red, extreme heat as strong as the sun bearing down on us. A force greater than the power of the Earth; the surface of the moon was rapidly changing; it looked like a giant firework, molten rocks sprinkled around this massive glowing ball. Momentarily, I forgot my troubles, my beautiful dead wife Claire, and watch this spectacular site, but the heat was so extreme and I had to move inside. The city went black; all the lights were extinguished, as the shock wave beyond comprehension knocked out all communications on Earth. The most incredible site ever witnessed by man had just happened, yet all I can think about was Claire. It would be days, even months before the full extent of what we had all seen was understood, but by then it was too late.

Fear of an apocalyptic end to life spurs the ancient carnal instincts of man. A new clock is ticking and we are now 5 minutes into this new age. Little do we know the full damage caused by this asteroid hitting our moon, the affect is subtle but the evolutionary changes will be great.

Monday, 15 November 2010

The Pointless Poem

In my mind these have a purpose even if they do not to anyone else, it is my minds ways of taking the jigsaw pieces and forming them into something tangible, something that might make sense.  I believe I will one day take all of the rubbish poems and somehow make good ones from them.  But at the moment they say something to me that others probably will not understand. 

If life were simple what would that mean?

Would it be boring and dull?

If life is easy what does that say?

If it’s not difficult, where is the fun?

If life was a clear road, and not a tangled bush,

Would it end in disappointment?

I don’t know I cannot say,

It seems one way and then it isn’t,

It goes one way and then it doesn’t,

It moves this way and then moves that,

It’s bloody strange and that’s a fact,

Will it ever be easy even for a short time?

To help to cope to bring back in line,

To realise the point of all this mess,

To end confusion, to end regret.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Isn't it?

Isn’t it funny how strange life can be?

One minute you’re there and then you’re history,

Isn’t it amazing how quickly time flies,

In the blink of an eye it’s all gone by,

Isn’t it strange how it always ebbs and flows?

Why is that the case nobody knows,

Isn’t it weird how things play on your mind?

Suddenly there in front, and then far behind,

Isn’t it lucky how things can turn out?

Some may say yes, and some will have doubts,

Well isn’t it, or isn’t it, I dunno,

I suppose we will find out before the end of the show.

Remembrance Sunday

Today is the day we honour and remember all the past wars, primarily of the last century. Most notably the First World War and Second World War; in many countries around the world, wreaths are laid, the bugle sounds ‘The Last Post’, and then at 11:00 we stand for two minutes silence.

I am not sure how many countries follow this tradition, but it seems there is not enough, because we still have wars, we still have unnecessary death, and carnage. We never seem to learn from these wars do we, and every year we commemorate with sadness the lives lost, the honour and sacrifice of millions of young men and women throughout the world. The true heroes, who died, or were wounded, some still to this day haunted by the memory, living with the nightmare.

I have great respect for anyone who served in the armed forces, even more respect for anyone who fought for their country; it is the supreme sacrifice. But now in this day and age, with all we have been through, all we have witnessed, war should be ended stopped forever.

It is not honourable to die for nothing, because of hate, and prejudice, because of distrust, doubt and deceit, to die because of the greedy selfishness of the few.

So many people have died because of this, and we should try everything in our power as civilised human beings to end wars.

I used to think fighting for freedom and the safety of your country was a good enough reason to go to war, but most war isn’t fought because of that. Yes I know the Second World War was, but that is the exception to the rule. Approximately 100 million people died directly or indirectly because of war in the 20th century. Let’s not have the same happen in the 21st century.

Fate is sealed

As the papers were signed and his fate was sealed a wry smile crossed his face, his freedom was ended, the years of fighting were over. He found it difficult to take, he sighed with deep regret, the force of nature had finally been curtailed. How masterfully he had kept his secret, how stealthily he had wormed his way into a position of power, a position to take advantage of the change that had occurred. Now he was trapped, his options were limited, but he knew he would find a way to escape, at least he hoped he would. The series of events up to this moment had been beyond the unusual, bizarre in fact; a quite incredible circumstance, an amazing series of conditions leading to this point in time. As he stood waiting the end of the judges drawl; he was not listening, he was just imagining the beginning. The moment the decision had been made, the most significant decision of his whole life. He imagined making a different one, changing his mind, going back to that moment once more, reliving it, what if he had said no. What if, he had just ran there and then? He knew it was impossible, you cannot run away from fate, you cannot run from truth, love and honesty. He knew it was the only choice he could have made; making a different one would have been disastrous. Finally the Judge finished his speech, those final words etched in his mind.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Friday, 12 November 2010

When You

I sometimes wonder where this all comes from, how do I think of them?  Where do they  manufacture themselves from, inside the brain?  Who knows, who really cares; I like thinking of poems even if they are rubbish.  Though I do quite like this one. 
Good night...

When you wake up and see the world,

When you wake up and smell the air,

When you wake up and smile,

When you wake up and feel good inside,

When you wake up and life is great,

When you wake up and all is perfect,

When you wake up and you feel great,

When you wake up and wish it was forever.

When you try to sleep and you are restless,

When you try to sleep and its late,

When you try to sleep and its impossible,

When you try to sleep you are too awake,

When you try to sleep and your hungry,

When you try to sleep and you need a drink,

When you try to sleep because you have to,

When you try to sleep but all you do is think.

The Weather

Since the wind is blowing here is another one of my less than good poems.  Well at least its better than feeling like crap like I did at the beginning of the week.  What will the weekend bring.  It stops abruptly because I couldn't think what to add at the end, I know when I write a decent poem because it ends properly.  That is why I know most of my poems are rubbish because they don't, still that is not the purpose of them.

The weather it is funny,

And unpredictable,

Sometimes it can be sunny,

And others miserable,

Mostly it is cloudy,

Some white but often grey,

Occasionally it gets really hot,

And everyone says hey,

A lot of time it rains,

And rains and rains and rains,

And everyone is sick because it blocks the drains,

It can get really cold and snow,

A blanket of brilliant white,

But then its turns to slush,

What a depressing sight.

I have a Dream

Bloomin’ heck it was windy last night, the wind it roared and the windows rattled, I was convinced they were going to blow in. I know in Britain our ideas of windy are slightly different to other parts of the world, but still it’s been whistling and howling for hours now. I had to put my earphones in to get some sleep. In Britain anything that would be slight, insignificant weather in another parts of the world, is a catastrophe here; if it snows a couple of inches, the roads are nearly all closed, if the temperature gets below zero, the schools are closed and people are told to stay indoors. Even leaves on the railway tracks causes delays on the lines. We are a country without extremes, weather wise anyway, so we are always caught out, and make a big fuss over nothing, a bit like ‘Manflu’ I suppose. When our weather is windier, colder, hotter, wetter, whatever; it’s like Manflu weather, not really bad weather at all. Still it did take a while to get to sleep.

Mind when I did get to sleep what a strange dream I had. I woke up with Martin Luther King’s haunting words, ‘I have a dream’ playing in my mind, over and over again. The dream was even weirder, and though quite funny; you could say it was like a nightmare. A funny nightmare but still nightmarish; President Obama, had lost the presidential election and now a new man was in charge and he was a mafia boss, he was also blind; blind to the whole world. Every day he sat in the Oval Office and played draughts/checkers with the Vice President, who was his son, and he was deaf, he couldn’t hear anything. The referee was the Secretary of State who was his brother and he was dumb, so couldn’t speak to the world.

I found all this quite amusing in my dream but waking up hearing the wind howling, and the words, ‘I have a dream’ echoing in my mind. I now feel it’s quite haunting.