Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Whatever happened to Bird Flu?

I have just watched a documentary about the top ten deadliest pathogens; it had all the usual suspects on there, Ebola, HIV, Malaria, Anthrax, Bubonic Plague, Smallpox, Cholera, etc, etc. As well as influenza; which got me thinking whatever happened to Bird Flu, everyone seemed so sure it was going to be one of the biggest disasters in history. I used to read everyday how the killer flu was spreading from birds to humans at an alarming rate, that the virus had one of the highest death rates, and was similar to the flu virus from 1918, commonly known as Spanish flu, which killed between 50 – 100 million people, far more than the First World War. I remember watching documentaries saying how the virus might move when it finally mutated into an airborne pathogen, and that the death rate could be as high as 500 million. Most alarmingly about the bird flu virus was that it was more harmful to the young, meaning it had the potential to wipe out the youth of the world. Yet none of this has happened, we had the Mexican flu scare or swine flu, the alarmist nonsense which terrified the world for a couple of months probably costing the economy billions of dollars. At the time I thought it was the calm before the storm, I thought that we are over reacting to Swine Flu and this would mean we might miss the potentially more deadly Bird Flu.

What does it all mean? Is it still a danger? Or was it over exaggerated; as we humans seem to do quite often, so we can create more apocalyptic nightmares for our children. I suppose there still is the potential for it to hit and devastate the world, but I do find it strange how it seems to have disappeared so quickly from the major alert it was causing less than 18 months ago to now.

I wish we as a species could be a bit more logical in our approach to the supposed critical, apocalyptic, doom scenarios some believe will happen to cause the end of our civilisation. We love to build them up, to make these possible global killers far more dangerous than they probably are. In fact I would say we cause more harm by this doom mongering than if we just were truthful and said yes there is a chance Bird Flu may hit, but it is small, and we are doing everything we can to prevent it. There is also a chance, a super volcano might explode, or an asteroid or comet may hit, the planet. Then of course (I had to mention it) to nasty global warming and badly named climate change, as well as nuclear bombs, earthquakes, oh let’s not forget Nostradamus’s bullshit prophecies. There is also the religious nut jobs, who seem to want the world to end, and I nearly forgot Tsunamis, they say the large slab of one of the Canary Islands may fall into the Atlantic and send a massive wave over 100 metres high across to hit the Eastern Seaboard of America. Aliens may come like Independence Day and blow us up, or like the X-files, and infiltrate us. I am being a bit facetious, but they are all as likely as one another, but as my mother used to say, you are more likely to be hit by a bus, so should we really worry about them all. Who knows?

Monday, 29 November 2010

When All

When all is said and done,

We are all just flesh and blood,

Full of emotions, surging continually,

Alive in our reality,

Part of the one.

When all is seen and completed,

The dust has settled on our lives,

The test is over,

The final hurdle of existence,

Forever forward we run.

When all is done and dusted,

All our moments passed one by one,

We lived our lives,

We’ve pushed the boundaries,

We wait for all, begun.

The Fog of Negativity

The heaviest shadow falls, slowly it covers everything; effortlessly it smothers you, envelopes you, sending you lower and lower, down further into oblivion. Moving gradually downwards, thick, and toxic, breathless are its clouds of gloom; the gaseous, hellish asphyxiation, choking, squeezing the life out of your soul. Damning everything to an eternity of nightmares, the blanket of malevolence, is all enclosing, full of lifeless death, full of emptiness, nothingness, meaningless. Wayward blindness, all consuming, deadliness, unnoticeable, total inconceivable, always thought improbable, but still it exists, and moves among its victims like a ghostly plague. Snaking its way, sniffing out its pray, lurking behind insignificance, prowling every corner, waiting for its chance to strike. The doom of existence is its nourishment, the life-force, the joy, the happiness, the excitement, and most of all the love. As it hangs above skulking, eyeing out the many victims below, balanced on the edge of time, always patient, never hurried it will take its time before finding its next sufferer, its next pray.

Shield yourself against its shadows, never become lost inside its darkness, hope you have the strength to fight back; pray you have the anchors to hold you in place. Notice when the blindness hits you, pay attention to the change; for it is subtle, it is faint, but it is always definite. Don’t get stuck within the glue of hellishness; don’t forget there is a way out, always remember the love around you, disregard the fog of negativity, the pessimistic thought, the blanket of toxicity, the cruel intention.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Why I love Tennis

If ever there was an example why tennis is one of the greatest sports to watch, one of the most exciting, thrilling, enthralling professional contests, today’s match between Rafa Nadal and Andy Murray showed this to perfection.  I mentioned earlier in the week the match between Nadal and Djokovic in Madrid, one of the greatest three set matches ever, this one matched it easily. 
Nadal won in a third set tiebreaker, 7-6, 6-3, 7-6, both played the best they could have played, Murray was sensational and should really have beaten the great Spaniard.  But the genius of Nadal, the shots he plays are quite incredible, he is the best example for any youngster wanting to better themselves; the guy just never gives up, never thinks he is defeated.  The amount of great matches he has been involved in, five or six, five set classics with Roger Federer, all in finals, he’s faced match points and come back to win and so many occasions it’s hard to believe.  In the Australian Open a few years ago, he played a five set classic against Verdasco in the semi’s, then played Federer in the final and beat him in five sets.  Who can forget the greatest match of all, the Wimbledon final against Fed.  Federer in my mind is still the greatest, but Nadal is just a smidge behind, he seems invincible when he is playing well, and he plays well in every big match.  Greg Rusedski has just called him superman.  And he is superman, at least he seems like he is, I hope Federer wins tonight, no disrespect to Djokovic, but Fed is playing well, and so is Nadal, it could be another classic, in the final.  I can’t wait.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Back to Earth

A shadow swooned across my heart then faded in the light,

The light it shone, the brightest beacon, glimmering with delight,

As it moved, and effortless flow, beaming ever brighter,

It warmed my soul, delicious glow; I floated like a feather,

The endless drift, the subtle journey, a fleeting glimpse of happiness,

Then back I surged, straight down to earth, forced down to ground forever.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

A World Government

This is a wacky idea about how to create a stable world government, where every country had equal share and equal vote, for everyone. Now I know this is a long shot but it sounds plausible to me, Imagine there is a time when all countries worked together, and they all decided to create a World Government, but how?

How could you create something that everyone trusts, everyone believes in, and everyone wants, and is proud of. Firstly I would separate the World Government from normal politics, and create a questionnaire to find the best candidates; these candidates would run for elections, to see which candidate is the most popular choice to be part of a world government. The winner would be part of the World Government, which would be made up of the one person in each country to have taken the questionnaire and won the election vote. These people would then be asked to form a world government; each position would be a lottery between all of the winners with each one having a chance to be the first World President. The others would form the other positions, and they would be monitored by old winners, for four years. If the old winners thought a candidate was incapable of keeping his position he would be sacked and sent home. That territory would then not have the opportunity to send another winner for two years. The losses for not having a winner on the World Government would be great; the area without a winner on the world government would be at the bottom of the pile for every major decision, for a year. Knowing this should stop any chance of rebellion because they know it is only a year with the sanctions, then they can begin the candidate search, and then as long as they chose the correct candidate to be a winner, then they are fine. They also know if they fail to choose a correct one this time they may have to face another year of sanctions; this should hopefully make the incentive to find the right candidate, instead of picking the easiest one or only one more advisable. Slowly as the World Government becomes better it will grow to manage the great world improvement projects, nothing political, more humanitarian. Initially all the winners would stay four years then become the leader of their particular area; they would lead for four years, then pass over to the next winner, and so on. If you have the correct people psychologically, and they all work well together positively, because this is the type of person we want, but they also respect authority and honour humanity, and they can do things for the benefit of everyone and not just themselves and their own area. Whether you could create a questionnaire to find a perfect leader is debatable, yet we know so much about the mind and the brain, at least we think we do. When you think about it, would that be so hard, could it be done, we use psychometric testing in the work place; we have many personality tests, IQ tests, the on the job learning, skills learning, and more. If you start with a few countries, and begin to create utopia, others will want to join, like the EC, but with different laws to rule. If you take the best from every country and put them together and help them to produce benefits for the Earth, don’t separate them make them all equal then you are building many friendships, many trusts and loyalties. These values they will take back to their area and hopefully start to change and reform, and improve for the good of everyone, not just the few.

This unfortunately has one major flaw, the biggest mistake, the largest error, which means my idea is worthless. The one thing I didn’t factor is that we are humans, incapable of trust, incapable of learning from our mistakes, incapable of even wanting to create somewhere decent for all, not just the lucky few. Maybe someone in the far distance may understand what I am saying, as it is total lunacy in this day and age, we are far, far, away from being capable of something so difficult. And we would still be corrupted by something, and so the deceiving would begin, the lying, to hide ones failings, ones fears. We are nowhere near ready, not even close. I know it sounds crazy but I think it would work; at least it might, when we finally grow up as a species. So it will stay crazy, until then.


When emotions run out and you become numb,

When all the sorrows, all the pain, are just too much to bear,

Your heart is broken and you are a lonely shell,

Adrift, a lost soul, bound by grief and darkness,

No clarity of thought, only ensuing madness do you see,

Blind in shadows, gone from all reality,

Nowhere to go, no one to see, only agony,

Down you fall, forgotten, never to be remembered,

Lie there broken, stay there broke, never try again,

Then you ask yourself the question,

A slow burn to the mind, and heart,

Can you rise, brush off the past,

Can you stand and feel proud once more,

Will you stand and feel the warmth around you,

Do you want to stand and fight some more.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010


I wish I could control my brain at times, I wish I could learn to say the right thing, to not react the way I do to situations. I wish I could see the bigger picture, and understand that what I believe maybe total nonsense. Unfortunately my mind always thinks it’s right and never seems to realise when it is wrong until it is too late. This works well for imagining weird concepts and ideas, but is crap when working out human emotion. I know I make many mistakes, but I keep making the same mistakes, I never learn from those mistakes, why is that? Then to make matters worse, I punish myself for making the same mistakes over and over again, until I am battered and bruised, lost and dishevelled. I hope that one day I will wake up and realise my mistakes but I am frightened I never will and I will continue to follow the same path.

Dark inside the deepest thought,

A whirling microcosm of hellish creation,

Digging deeper ever closer,

Eventually it causes distress,

How do you stop the knoring aggravation?

How do you deal with all the stress?

When can you finally end the cruelty?

When can you finally pass the test?

Monday, 22 November 2010

Mrs Meakins

I have always liked Agatha Christie, she has a unique way of writing, she loves to create conversation.  Now I would never say I am any good at copying her style but this is my attempt.  Not sure why I tried it, but it was fun thinking of it.  unfortunately it is a bit obvious, I am not at the criminal mastermind writing level yet.

Mrs Meakins lived alone, in the end house on Bridlington Terrace; she was a 58 year old widow, with a gammy leg. She enjoyed her weekly bingo game at the local, and going out with Doris on Fridays for lunch. Otherwise she lived a quiet life, she had no children, she had wanted kids but was unable to conceive, Burt her dead husband was infertile.

Now on Wednesday morning around half past ten, maybe it was nearer quarter to, she wasn’t sure, but around then she witnessed a murder.

Constable Evans was first on the scene; he had interviewed the whole street apart from number 83, as he knocked on the door, he saw a woman look through the blinds and gesture for him to go around the back. Constable Evans or Bill to his mates didn’t find this unusual, he followed the ladies suggestion and headed around the back. Mrs Meakins was waiting at the back door.

“Hello I am...”

“Shush!” Mrs Meakins had her finger to her mouth, she looked frightened.

“Are you ok madam?” whispered the constable.

Mrs Meakins gestured quickly for the officer to come inside. As he entered the house frantically Mrs Meakins looked around suspiciously and slammed the door shut. She breathed a sigh of relief, as she locked the back door and ushered the constable through to the living room.

“Are you alright madam?” the officer asked again.

“Are you hear about the incident?” Mrs Meakins whispered.

“If you are talking about the murder madam then yes I am.”

“Oh good that’s a relief,” she said thankfully. “Would you like a cup of tea, and a biscuit?”

“Cup of tea would be nice madam,” said the constable.

“Please call me Penelope, Penelope Meakins,” she said sounding more pleased.

Constable Evans sat down on the old fashioned velour chair and waited. As he sat there he heard a strange noise and a small Black Scottie dog rushed into the room and started barking uncontrollably at the officer. Mrs Meakins quickly entered the room at hearing the commotion.

“Cartland, behave leave the nice constable alone,” she said in a pathetic, I love you so much voice.

“It’s quite alright Mrs Meakins; we are used to every kind of animal when out on the beat.”

“Now come on my pretty little Carty baby. What has mummy got for you,” she said in a sacrin sweat googy woogy voice.

Finally after many moments in the kitchen, Mrs Meakins entered with a huge pot of tea and a plate of cakes and biscuits. The constable marvelled at the fact there was only two of them yet Mrs Meakins had brought out enough cakes for the whole street. There was fondant fancies, walnut cake, chocolate biscuits, hobnobs, fairy cakes, and some strange looking log thing, the constable didn’t like the look of.

“How do you like your tea Constable?”

“Eh a little milk, no sugar, thank you.”

Mrs Meakins poured the tea; the constable found it extremely unusual considering how flustered she had been only moments before.

“So Mrs Meakins, what can you tell me about this morning,” said the officer in his, I am a policeman voice. “Did you see the murder take place or who the culprit might be?”

“Well,” said Mrs Meakins, “I was out first thing, I had to go to the doctors, get my pills for my gammy leg. I was there at 8:30 sharp, Doctor Anderson saw me straight away, oh he’s such a nice doctor a lovely man, only young mind, must be just out of University.”

“Yes Mrs Meakins, when did you leave the doctors?”

“Well as I was saying, I was in there from 8:30, I must have been in there ten minutes, I left, and then I bumped into Agnes, she was in about her bunions, they were playing up. Oh what a time she’s had with them recently. She’s been to hospital six times and still no nearer to getting them removed.”

“Thank you Mrs Meakins but can we stick to the murder please,” Constable Evans was starting to think this was a wild goose chase, and that Mrs Meakins was just a lonely old woman wanting to talk to someone.

“Well as I was saying,” said Mrs Meakins again. “After talking to Agnes it must have been about nine O’clock, I left the surgery and headed to the shops, I wanted to get something nice for Cartland. He does love a nice bit of chicken on Wednesdays.”

“And after you left the shops, Mrs Meakins, did you come home?”

“Well as I was saying, I went to the shops must have been in there about thirty minutes, it wasn’t very busy for a Wednesday morning. I bought myself a nice cake and some brisket for tea. I then went to get the bus home.”

“And what time did you get home Mrs Meakins?”

“Umm well the bus journey took about forty five minutes I think, it was slow the traffic was terrible, plus the bus driver did not seem to know where he was going and he smelled really bad.”

“So you arrived home at approximately 10:15?” said the Constable trying to sound enthusiastic, and not too condescending.

“No, I got off the bus at around 10:15, then I had to walk home,” she said looking at her leg, “It’s not easy walking with a gammy leg. Plus I bumped onto Beryl Bullish, and we had a chat for a few minutes it must have been around 10:30. It had started to rain, but I managed to get inside before it came down really heavy.”

“This would be the time of the murder,” said the officer impatiently.

“Yes it was, I noticed a dark silhouetted figure across the street, I did not think anything of it at the time.”

“What was he wearing?”

“I could not tell in the rain, I think it was a long dark over coat, and a large hat, like a trilby. He was smoking a cigarette.”

“What happened next?” asked the Constable, thinking finally he was getting somewhere.

“Well as I said it was raining heavily, it was dark and hard to see outside properly. He must have been standing there a good ten minutes. I went to take my wet clothes off and say hello to Cartland, I put my slippers on and made a cup of tea. Then I heard a loud noise, and a scream, it came from down the street. I rushed to look out of the window and could see a dark figure, I presumed the man from across the street, standing over someone. He was bringing his arm down in a stabbing motion, at the figure on the floor.”

“Did you see what he looked like?” said the constable quickly, “Did he have any distinguishing features?”

“I’m sorry deary but I couldn’t tell he was quite a way away. I noticed he looked up as another woman screamed then he started to run.”

“Another woman, did you see who that was?”

“It could have been Beryl, or it might have been Mavis, but it could have been anyone in that rain,” she said disappointed.

“That’s Ok Mrs Meakins, is there anything else can tell us about the crime? Anything at all, however small.”

“No I am sorry, that is all I can remember.”

“Ok Mrs Meakins, you have been a great help, I am sure a detective will be around to ask you some more questions later, to follow up our enquiries, will you be contactable.”

“Oh yes.”

“May I ask, why were you so frightened earlier when I arrived?”

“Err no reason, didn’t recognise you thought it was a door to door salesman.”

As the constable sat there a little longer, he started to feel a little queasy, his head was killing him and he felt a bit faint.

“Do you mind if I use the bathroom please?” he asked.

“Oh you look a little peaky officer, it just up the stairs on the right.”

Constable Evans staggered out of the living room into the hallway, and started to climb the stairs, he felt nauseous, and his vision was becoming blurry. He grabbed the banister, and slowly climbed the stairs, forgetting which room Mrs Meakins had told him he staggered in to the spare room. With blurry vision, and swaying side to side, he noticed something terrible on the side table, but he could not focus on it properly.  He was unable to say for certain, but he was sure it looked like a bloody knife.

“Mrs Meakins,” he shouted, “Mrs Meakins,” his voice becoming fainter and fainter.

As he turned Mrs Meakins was standing behind him, with a large sinister smile on her face.

“Naughty naughty officer, you shouldn’t pry into a ladies bedroom,”

The officer swayed more and more, sweat pouring down his brow, “Mrs... Meak... ins...”

And then he collapsed to the floor, he could not move, he lay there a while, he could not think. Then he noticed another figure climbing the stairs, his vision was still blurred, but he knew it was not Mrs Meakins. The figure was tall, he was a man, he stood in front of the constable, all Evans could see were the black Brogue shoes he wore. The man lent down.

“Think you can pick on old women PIG?” he shouted.

Then the constable blacked out.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

The Reality of Existence

As motion slowly move the sands of time,

Every eventuality, every moment long lived,

Each consequence played out,

All actions and reactions, causing and effecting,

Changing the fabric of the Universe forever,

The perpetual loop of continuous existence,

The never ending line of fate,

The anomaly of reality, and ones unique perspective,

Forging new on new, yet always whole, always complete,

Unknowable, incomprehensible, never could one understand,

However created, no one could ever repeat.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

What’s Important?

Have you ever asked yourself that question, what’s important, to you personally.  What would you think of, what would you say? I can imagine everyone has their own versions of what is important, but what is truly important is in essence the same for everyone, as it should be I think. Continued good health must be the priority above all others in importance, because without this all other things that maybe seem more important, become far less so. Not enough people would put good health at the top of their importance list, but it should be everyone’s most important. Someone to love you and be in love with you, and you sharing that same love and feelings towards them, a soul mate, a best friend, a loyal companion.  Someone you would give your life for, someone you trust with everything, so much so you want to have children together and raise a family, a loving family, a strong family.  You want the best for them always; sharing of love, peace and happiness; sharing excitement and joy, sadness and pain, sharing a closeness, a bond. What’s important is feeling content, satisfied, fulfilled and proud of your achievements, aware of your success and your failings. To know the difference between right and wrong, to stand up for your beliefs and never betray a friend, to feel loyalty and friendship.

To me these are all what’s important, and I hope someday, I will have the chance to see them all come true.

Battle of the Galaxies

The stars of the Universe came out for a battle,

They gathered in their respective Galaxies,

Galaxy v Galaxy, for total supremacy,

The clusters they started to form.

Our own Milky Way formed its own local group,

And the group was joined by many more,

Alliances started, and the Star’s they all waited,

Which Galaxy would begin the war?

After billions of eons, expanding beyond,

Moving further and further away,

The respective collectives, lost total perspective,

And the Great War just never took sway.

And now the great Galaxies roam aimless and lost,

The reason for fighting was gone,

Not one star could understand it, or who was behind it,

So they drift around in spiral arms.

Thursday, 18 November 2010


Truth is the lie told for the wrong reasons,

Truth is the honest mans get out of jail card,

Truth is the justification to be nasty and mean,

Truth is always right but never easy,

Truth causes conceit, and superiority,

Truth can be good and can also be bad,

Truth never lies, but can still be dishonest,

Truth breeds hatred and contempt,

Truth can hide in an ocean of deceit,

Truth always finds a way,

Truth can be an inspiration,

Truth can end friendship,

Truth is an opinion,

Truth is never the whole truth and nothing but the truth,

Truth is the limitation of mankind.


Today at this moment I sit and I wait,

I wonder and ponder what will be my fate,

I mull over reasons, and consequences,

I hustle and bustle, and wrestle and tussle,

Confusion and conflict, inaccurate assumptions,

To many reactions, compounding presumptions,

Decisions go one way, and then they go t’other,

Working out answers a tedious bother,

I think of the costs, are they good are they bad?

I think of the answers will they make me sad,

I try to imagine how fine it can be,

I hope I am right and I will be happy.


What is fear? What is it like to be scared to death, to feel dreads awful grip tightening around your soul. What is terror? How does it feel to live inside the nightmare? Where can you go, what can you do? Do you see inside the dark places, can you see where fear lives? Does it dwell deep inside all of us, in the shadows, the blinding darkness. Fear is the uncontrollable urge, the enforcer, the dyer decision maker, the emotion that causes pain, and forces unnatural consequences. Fear sends the shiver up your spine, fear delivers you into the hands of evil, fear controls the weak. When you feel the trembling of your nerves, the racing of your heart, the surging desire to survive at all costs, then you are in the grips of fear.

The instinct to survive creates fear; the fight or flight, the live or die, the kill or be killed, but now when we are the supreme animals on this planet, the fear is not against the other animals that may want to kill you for food. It is against the other humans that are full of fear, fear of you and fear of others. We need fear, but need to feel afraid at times, because there are some who do not feel fear, they are never afraid. And now they are the ones you need to fear above all, for someone without fear is reckless, a risk taker, and maybe their lack of fear will ultimately be the reason for our doom.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

A Quiet Place

***NOTE***  I wrote this for a writing site I was a member of ages ago, but it wasn't very good so I changed most of it and ended up with this tale about being a French Nurse in the Second World War.  Well it could be anything really but that is the situation I created, I remember writing it because I was in a highly energetic time and this was written through the night.

A quiet place, I lonely spot, Nurse Girard sits calmly contemplating, thinking about her love and where he may be; her mind is full of dreadful images. Death, destruction, explosions all around, they keep her awake, never-ending, no rest bite, more will come tonight. Fearful nightmares, constant night raids, when will the bombing stop?

Nurse Girard works inside a shell, a ruined edifice, now used as a hospital.

It is July 1944; the allies have broken out of the beachhead at Normandy.

Nurse Girard, she does not care, her world is collapsing, and it is hard for her to bear. Blood covers the floor, a red slippery goo, from wall to wall, they are blood splattered too; from open wounds, and hellish screams, the smell of death, it takes your dreams. Death cries out from all around, nightmarish shrieks, tormented faces surround her, morning, noon and night.

"Please, please, please..." She whispers quietly, quivering lip, single tears role down her blood stained face. She touches it gently, she knows, yet does not know.

Nurse Girard is strong of heart, but now she feels so weak. So much pain, so much misery, and now her worst fears lie in her hands. The letter falls delicately from her right hand, it is a telegram. It is from the French army, she has not read it, she cannot read it. She does not want it to be true and maybe, just maybe, if she leaves it unopened it will not be true, and the nightmare will go away.

"I have to keep this hope inside; please do not tell me, my Pierre has died. No please, they must be wrong, how can I live if he is gone."

Pierre and Elise married in spring of 39, a beautiful day, plenty of singing and dancing, as well as good wine. So long ago it seems now, how much has changed, how much has been lost.

"He told me, he was mine forever, our love so strong, to overcome whatever."

He was tall, a gallant French Officer, Captain Pierre Girard of the French Army. She tries to remember his striking face, she finds an old picture, emotion breaks, my love, my Pierre, agony, and pain, etched, and ingrained.

"Please my love, be a mistake, come back to me now, it's not too late. How could you leave me in this mess, I need you my love, now more than ever."

She sits in silence, comatosed, a living wreck, a zombie host; her silent aguish gently cries, "I do not want to be alive," her screams inside, "I want to die ".

She prays a bomb will end her despair. Closing her eyes, she imagines with all her heart; that he is sitting by her side, to comfort her, and say she is special, caress her hair and kiss her gently on the lips. She reaches out, her left hand to feel his touch, then falls to the floor and kneels to pray.

"Oh please my lord," she cried out loud, "why did you take my love, please bring him back. I cannot live without him, please oh Lord, I beg, I pray. Let my sweet Pierre come back to stay."

Blood stained knees, on her nurse's frock, she slumps to her left, and lies on the blood soaked floor. Grief transfixes her fragile mind; she cannot move, she cannot think, numbness, emptiness, she feels as if she is blind.

Time goes by, but has no meaning. The sirens, the bombing, the shouting, the screaming, nurse's frantically running, hell is all around her. She does not hear, she does not see, her tunnel vision fixed on her 'Pepe'. Remembering his special name, the one she called him, that wonderful spring, a lingering brief happiness, a short-lived, sweet delusion, a lingering smile, she can still imagine through all this hellish confusion.

She remembers them running through cornfields in summer, and drinking champagne under a shady tree. More memories to savour, their last Christmas together, in front of the fire, she sees it so clearly, longing with desire. She knows now, it's impossible, and emotions build up - that was the last time she saw her true love. The last time she kissed him, the last time they touched, the last time she heard "I love you so much".

Finally, the goodbye, as he boarded the train, "It won't be long," he cries, "I'll see you in spring". They wrote to each other continuously, but no letter can replace, his loving embrace. Hitler's tanks had surprised them, going through the Ardennes, and now half a million soldiers surrounded at Dunkirk.

"Please live my love, don't ever leave me".

She remembers those feelings, not knowing his fate, she rejoiced when she found out, he was in Britain and safe, and now he was part of a new French Army, lead by Charles de Gaulle, France was still fighting she thought.

"My love is a war hero, he fought everywhere, North Africa, Sicily, and finally in France, for his heroics in Italy, he won the Legion d'honneur. I felt so proud, he was so brave, my Pepe, my husband, my soul mate, my love".

She picks up the letter, and opens the seal; the pain is incredible, her hands refuse to repeal.

Madam Girard,

With great sadness I write to you, your husband, Major Pierre Girard died of his wounds, fighting bravely outside of Caen.

In giving his life, he saved many more. He is a true hero of France will never forget, evermore.

Your husband was a great man and a great leader, I wish to convey our deepest sadness at his passing, and wish to tell you his last words. He said as he was lying in hospital, “please tell my beautiful wife Elise, I love her and that she will be with me forever and she will be my last thought, the love of my life.”

Tears fall from swollen eyes, she could not read anymore. Now, she knows she has to fight on, and not give in to her grief.

"I am a nurse," she tearfully cries, "I am here to help the sick and the wounded".

As she regains her composure, she walks back to the ward. The noise is still unbearable, it is impossible to take, but now she feels stronger, Pierre is beside her, always right next to her heart.

Taking a deep breath, she re-enters the bloody madness.

"Nurse, Nurse," the doctor shouted, "Can you look at that man."

Like many others, she will never give up and always fight on.

Goodbye Planet Earth it was nice knowing you!




Dear Everyone,

An invisible object orbits our beautiful blue planet; it is above the clouds, and the atmosphere, past all the satellites and junk. Way out there, as far as the moon. Something unknowable is spying, listening, learning, collecting information; studying our every move. We humans cannot observe or understand the mystery watching our planet. At this moment our technology and perspective have not matured enough to comprehend their existence. Unfortunately, due to circumstances we do not control, all this is about to change. In fact, our reality has already changed permanently; now, it is critical we change as well.

The reason for this is simple.

An accident occurred at 12:23pm today; the invisible objects, that should not exist; somehow managed to alter our reality. This reality change, though insignificant, inconsequential, and not even noticeable from their perspective, has, however caused a massive change for anyone living on our Planet, Planet Earth.

Information understandable to everything affected is being released by the Reality Changers, unless we all expand our Evolutionary Perspective to their level, our existence is terminal. A minimum of three quarters of the human population, have to read and understand the information, if we are unable to reach the minimum within seven days, we will all cease to exist.

At this time, there is no news regarding the causes of the accident.

Please take the matter seriously, and read everything. Try to relax your mind, you will find it easier to digest the information.

I have every hope we will succeed.

The Illuminator

After staring continuously at a large translucent screen, my eyes were aching, watery, and swollen. I felt trapped, a blurry vision, is this all real, I thought. Bowing my head, I rubbed them as hard as I could, I did not want to continue. I turned around to look directly at the silhouetted figure, sitting in the distance.

“I need a break,” I said, “I can’t take in anymore, why do I have to write this, why do I have to tell the world it’s over?”

“That is so,” said a deep hollow voice, “please continue.”

Closing my eyes tightly I wept a silent tear, now fully aware of facts, yet still, a selfish pity repelled me from facing the truth. I did not want to be the one. Turning to face the screen once more, I tried to recall how I ended up in this situation. How did I end up being the one man who has to tell the world it is going to end?

I was driving past Westlake View around lunchtime, when the heavens opened; a mini monsoon erupted from nowhere. No sooner had the deluge started, water was gushing through the streets, turbulent, torrents, flooding everywhere. Luckily, I was near the top of Sedgemoor Bank, when all around me went incredibly dark, occasionally illuminated by lightening scaring the sky. I had never witnessed weather like this before. Slowing down gradually, I switched my headlights on, it was nearly impossible to see anything further than a few metres, even with lights. I crawled along, instinctively hoping the car and some good luck, would keep me from going off the road. I switched from CD to radio, hoping to catch a weather report; there was no mention of this on the news earlier. No reception, only static, all channels dead, on all wavelengths, I should of realised this was not normal, instead I thought it must be the storm. Pulling over I tried calling my wife, I thought it best to tell her I was not going to be on time, she is a terrible worrier. I was still 30 miles from Greendale, at this rate it would take all day. No luck with my phone, only dead tone, I tried to call again, but still nothing. It must be the storm, I presumed, an electrical charge affecting reception. I was soon to learn, that the storm was not the cause, but a consequence of a change in our reality. The rain continued relentlessly, I made a decision to try to carry on. I turned the ignition, the car whined and moaned but would not start, I sensed it was not going to be my day. Banging my fists against the steering wheel, and gently hit my head against it as well, what was I to do? Closing my eyes, I wondered what to do next. I did not need to think long, a loud noise surprised me and I jumped back in my seat. In front of me, as if by magic, was a glimmering light. Effortlessly it danced across and around my car, like a ballerina pirouetting gracefully. It was amazing to watch, lightening must have struck my car. My heart raced, adrenaline rushed around me, then quiet screaming terror, enveloped my mind, as I witnessed a face, a blank expressionless face, staring at me. My heart pounding, my hands wet and clammy, the face covered my windscreen. I felt a heavy haze, then nothing, a blackout. I fell into non-existence.

I have no knowledge of the events that transpired, between then and now. All I know is after blacking out, my conscious thought, detached and separated from my body. Essentially meaning, I did not exist on Earth, I had briefly travelled to another reality.

An overwhelming sense of inadequacy scorched my mind, a realisation, an awful certainty that we are all meaningless. I slouched to the floor, dull pain, head of Morpheus, my eyes heavy, there was no point in going on, I concluded. Desolation was momentary, before returning to this reality, my reality, though not the reality I was expecting.

I did not move I had no mind, staring into the blackness.

For a while silence, then a sense I was not alone. I did not feel fear; I did not feel anything, though I sensed a presence. Closing my eyes, I resigned myself to wait; I did not have to wait long.

“Are you Maxwell Collins?” said a soft female voice.

“Yes,” I croaked, “but please, just Max.”

Appearing, as if out of thin air, a statuesque figure, a striking woman, tall and slender, she held out her hand and smiled.

“I am Diogenes the vessel of knowledge, holder of the light. You are the illuminator, to act as my scribe. You will tell your Collective Perspective, what it needs to know.”

“My wha...” I drooled, not of this world, head full of hazy blackness.

“Please relax,” she said so softly, like a purring cat.

“Who are you?” I stupidly asked.

“I have already told you,” she said, still so soft, so calm.

“Yes you told me your name, but who are you?”

“You are correct,” she said smiling, then as before she disappeared into thin air.

I must be dreaming. A lucid dream, a dream in reality, or was it something else I was not able to fathom or comprehend. The pitch-blackness pained my eyes; I wanted to see light but felt like drifting flotsam, floating effortlessly through space and time. How long had I been here, I was not sure, before I sensed another figure.

“Hello,” I whispered, “Is that you?”


“But...” I was confused, “you are a man.”

“I am no man or woman; I am Diogenes the vessel of knowledge, holder of the light,” said a deep hollow male voice. “You will now be prepared to increase your Evolutionary Perspective.”

“My what?” I said now even more confused. “You said Collective before?”

“Just listen, this is not going to be easy for you,” said the deep voice. “You will have to learn more than your present existence demands. This will happen in many ways, orally communicated, directly downloaded, visually stimulated and many other ways, you will not understand.”

My mind felt like a spinning top getting faster and faster, I thought of alien abduction. I thought of many things, I wished I did not think of, but I sensed goodness and truth, and this perplexed me.

“Please listen, relax, and confirm,” said the deep voice.

“Ok,” I squeaked.

“You are, from your perspective, an evolved biological species, inhabiting a rocky planet, orbiting a small star?”


“Let me finish, please.”

I thought he was finished, what could be next, I was not an astronomer or a physicist, surely, there were better people to save the planet. What were the consequences, if I did not know the answers? What if I was wrong or mistaken?

“Please, Max,” said the calm female voice, “We know you know the answers, but we need to hear it orally. Please just relax.”

“The small star, you call the Sun, is part of many stars, you call a Galaxy. Your Galaxy the Milky Way, is one of many Galaxies, you call a cluster. Your cluster the Local Group is part of larger clusters, which you call Super Clusters. Your Super Cluster is part of what you call the Cosmic Web, which you believe is down to gravity created by the mass of matter, and the invisible glue you call Dark Matter. All this you call the Known Universe, which you believe to be a tiny part of the whole Universe. Please confirm this is correct?”

“Err, I don’t know,” I spluttered confused, “I think so, but I’m no Astro-Physicist, I work in a bank.”

“Relax, Max, listen to what I told you,” said the soft calm female voice.

“Yes, it is correct,” I shouted assertively.

“Let your imagination run away with you now please. Sense this is the reality and flow with it.”

“Ok,” I said cautiously, I did not know what she meant.

“Imagine a Motorway, Freeway, Autobahn.”

“Yes, a motorway.”

“Imagine the motorway has an infinite amount of lanes, and it is infinitely long. Now imagine there are an infinite number of motorways, stacked one on top of the other infinitely. Can you imagine this?”


“Now, imagine a Russian doll,” said the deep voice. “Each layer of the doll is inside another layer infinitely, as well as outside a layer infinitely. Do you understand?”


“Now try to imagine, the dolls are placed on the motorway, side by side in all directions infinitely. On every motorway, and every lane, infinitely.”

“Wow, yes I do.”

“The Universe, the whole Universe you believe to exist in your reality is but one layer of one doll. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I believe I do.”

“Well done Max,” said the soft female voice, “you may save them.”

Them, the word rattled around my head like a timber built rollercoaster, round and round it went never stopping. Why did she use the word them, surely I am one of them?

Like a goldfish swimming in an aquarium, never realising, never knowing, why it continued to swim around, the memory span so small, the word disappeared, evaporated as though it never existed.

Before I realised what I was doing or thinking, a bright light filled the room, blinding white light, intense, intrusive, I covered my eyes it was unbearable. I shouted, I shouted as loud as I could, but no sounds left my lips, only emptiness, a hollow breathless nothingness, forced on me. Adrenaline, surged through my body, but it was not real, it was a creation, a delusion, my mind trying to compensate, unsure of its surroundings.

“Relax, Max, slow your mind, over ride your senses. You create your own reality, you decide,” said the voice, deep and slow, a cavernous droll, “what is real.”

The brightness slowly dimmed, a blurry, hazy canvas, was forming in front of me, I sensed, it felt like a watercolour, left out in the rain. Then a noise, a loud noise, I was sweating, soaking wet. I felt pain all over; shooting, agonizing, it covered my body. As the pain increased, the painting started to take shape, slowly changing colours, bright red, yellow, and blue. The bright light pierced my eyes.

“Sir,” I hear a voice, “Sir, can you hear me Sir, we are going to move you onto the stretcher, do you know your name.

My consciousness slowly returning, where am I? A man, a bright yellow man, was shouting at me, I felt confused, the pain was nearly intolerable, shooting all around my body; a continuous agony. Then I felt myself lifting, my mind was ebbing in and out of reality. My life force was continuously flowing, one way, then another. Tiredness, drowsy exhaustion, overcame me once more, finally I returned to blackness, and the emptiness of non-existence.

Even More Ramblings from a Crazy Man

There is a sense of wonder inside my soul, it wants to learn all there is to learn; to know all there is to know. I want this sense to grow, to nurture; to eventually breakout of the constricting barriers we set around ourselves in everyday life. Like the roots of a tree I want to find new ground, fresh soil to flourish, to produce something beyond my capabilities as a human. I still do not know if this is possible, if it is feasible, but if it is, I will find a way to achieve it, I will break free. This is my strongest desire, the one that overrides all others, a determination to find answers to what, why and how. Maybe it is lunacy to think this way, but it is the only way I know how to think, it is the way that drives me forwards, the way I feel right about. You always know when something is right; you can sense the ease of flow, that inner belief, the instinctive urge beyond the realms of normality.

I sense others have similar feelings and thoughts, that they are part of something greater than the common man comprehends or understands, and this feeling is growing and growing exponentially every day, every month, every year, every time we release conscious thought into words and tell the world what it is we are all striving for, what it is we can all offer each other, as well as all other things, with this powerful tool we have trapped inside our heads, brains and bodies. I have read many spiritualists and teachers who feel this time of flowering is upon us now. This conscious change in evolution, the conscious change towards something more positive and beneficial to existence, the move away from instinctive animal urges to composed, intelligent thought. How this will happen is anyone’s guess, and whether we will even notice it happening is highly unlikely especially for most people. The sharpest sword of existence is there in front of us, we have managed to travel along the hilt and now we stand on the beginning of the blade. Whether we are able to stay on the blade until the end, who knows, will we fall to either side or be crushed, we will find out soon enough.

Enlightenment and darkness surround us, we have the choice to make, but will we make the right choice, or will we be deceived into make the wrong selection. Time will tell.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010


There are so many things you would love to happen, I have many of them, too many I suppose.  I wish for many things and I hope that the things I wish for will be wished for by others, and if I am lucky the others will be the ones I want to be involved in the things I wish for.  I hope that makes sense; some people get most of their wishes, some get a few, some get some, and some get hardly any.  I would like to get some of my wishes and it would be even more amazing if some of the wishes I want, involve the people I would like to have those wishes with, wanted them too.  I can but dream, I can but want, I can but wish, and hope and one day, I will find someone who wants the same wishes I want and we can enjoy those wishes together.  I don’t expect much out of life but that is something I would really love and enjoy, to find that one person who feels the same way I do, and wants to same things I want, well is that too much to ask, is that too much to wish for – maybe.

Impact Post

I cannot remember when I wrote the short story below, I had the idea that it would be cool to see what would happen if the moon was hit by an asteroid instead of Earth.  I think it would make a cool film; the original idea is part 2.  The after affects to the planet, I might write that out later.  It is strange how from a small thought, an concept can grow.  I think I must have been watching documentary about how precious our moon is to life on Earth.  I think I need to add that my tenses change throughout the piece, I know it isn't good, but its started one way and then I changed it to another, I am still learning this writing malarkey, its still bloody difficult for me to do this. 

Two Hours to Impact

In two hours an amazing event will occur, it will be witnessed by the whole world and the world will never forget the experience and will be changed forever. Two hours until the world changes once more, two hours, until the beginning of the end. Two hours from the end of one age and the beginning of another.


These are the words from Thomas Kane, an extract from notes found many years after the disaster; they are the only account of the greatest disaster to hit Earth for millions of years.


For me personally it was a rough night which I will never forget, it’s traumatic to recall but I will try to recount the details as I remember them. My wife Claire, was in labour with our first child, she was one week late and I was trying desperately not to look nervous in front of her. At the time it was not widely known but many pregnant women were late. No one really understood what it meant then, or for that matter what was about to happen.

1:45hrs until impact. You may be wondering what impact I am talking about, as it has been written out of history. The whole sequence of events erased from time. The impact was an Asteroid, so large it’s incredible to think it was missed by every space agency. A massive hulk of rock, over one thousand kilometres in length was hurtling towards the inner solar system at an alarming rate. It had passed Mars without any fuss and now it was on course to pass Earth. How such a large rock had not been detected by the various satellites was never known by the population at large. It was very large, incredibly dense, and dark; these were the excuses given by NASA and the other space agencies.

Back on Earth, everyone continued their daily lives unaware of the disaster that was about to befall them. As I held my wife’s hand, I tried to comfort her tried to make her feel this was going to be a glorious event, our first child, the happiest day of my life. The doctor was now ready to induce her, although they did not seem concerned, this was normal procedure, I felt a little apprehensive.

1:30hrs until impact. Claire’s contractions are becoming closer and she was in a great deal of pain, I wanted to take the pain away. I wanted this to be over, she cried out for drugs to ease the passing of time, how much longer would we wait.

“I want it out!” She cried as the doctors started to show more concern. I felt her pain and suffering my helpless situation what could I do, how could I make this easier on her?

1:15hrs to impact. Alarms started to ring when she lost consciousness, she was bleeding badly, and the doctors wanted to operate immediately. They were prepping surgery, I remember my heart was beating faster than a humming bird; I was failing badly, trying to compose myself, and not to think terrible thoughts. I knew I needed to stay focused; I had to show her, how much I loved her, how much she and the baby meant to me, and that I was there for her and our unborn child.

The first warning of the asteroid was eventually picked up by governments and intelligence agencies around the world around this time. Although no-one knows this yet, crisis meetings were being held, trying to figure out how to stop a mass panic, the World was totally at the mercy of this giant Leviathan. No scientist, no Politian, not anybody, was going to be able to prepare for the impending doom.

1:00hrs to impact. Claire and unborn child were rushed straight into emergency surgery. I remember I prayed both would survive; I prayed as the tears ran down my cheeks, this was hard to take. Even now, I rack my brains thinking what I did wrong, what could I have done differently. The pain is still hard to bear, even now. Claire’s parents were there with me, they try to comfort me but they are feeling just as anxious, just as scared, they don’t want to think of what may happen. I try to stay positive, but they can see the desperation and pain in my eyes.

45 Minutes to impact. Claire went into surgery, we just had to hope.

30 Minutes to impact. We heard nothing from inside the surgery, I have a sinking feeling inside my stomach, I know something is wrong; surely it should not take this long. I try to find out what is happening but the doctors and nurses all have worried faces, they look terrified. Although I was not interested at this stage, I did notice the asteroid was headline news, they are saying it can be seen in the night sky. A glowing ball of rock in the sky, hurtling towards Earth, everyone is expecting it to hit Earth. Panic slowly starts to envelope the world, hospital staff frantically rush around preparing for the worst, but I did not care about any of this. I just wanted my beautiful wife and my unborn child, to live.

15 Minutes to impact. Joy at last, I have a son; I remember my heart leapt, I was so happy, the most amazing feeling. The nurse said he was healthy, I asked about Claire, but she did not seem so confident, she said I would have to wait and see. She had lost a lot of blood; the surgeons were trying desperately to save her.

7 Minutes to impact. Alarms started to ring everywhere; white clad assistants were running around the surgery, desperately trying to save her. Everything became a blur, so many alarm bells, sirens; I was confused lost in a trance. I could see through the surgery windows, my wife on the table, blood everywhere, as she slowly faded away. Everything happened at once, so quickly, my life changed at the same time as the lives of everyone on our planet.

5 Minutes to impact. I felt like my world ended, Claire was dead, lying on the operating table, too much blood loss, not enough oxygen to the brain. My love was dead, she meant everything to me, she was my whole world. My lover, my friend, my confidant, my everything. I ran, needing to be alone, I ignored cries, ignored everyone, I was lost in a trance, unable to focus or concentrate, I left I was in another world, a world where pain and misery are hammering me at every opportunity. Tears poured down my cheeks, and I walked slowly up to the roof. I sat down on the rooftop and look up at the sky; I could not control myself, so much grief, it was hard to cope, even now it is hard to write, I then noticed the bright flash heading across the sky, I did not care. I was trapped in nightmarish shadow, yet the sky is nearly on fire, as this huge bright light was heading faster and faster towards our planet. This meant nothing to me, I felt my life had ended before the impact.


As the tears rolled down my face, I watched the sky the bright light sped across at an amazing speed and then as if in slow motion, I watched it hit the moon. A brilliant blinding light, flashed brighter than anyone could imagine, it was night but now it was day, the sky was alive. The loudest, most thunderous roar hit Earth, a supersonic sound wave like no other, as if a million nuclear bombs detonated at once. I was thrown back to the floor, by the blast. I watched aghast in horror and disbelief at the amazing site before my eyes, the moon had changed into a massive ball of molten rock, burning bright, brilliant red, extreme heat as strong as the sun bearing down on us. A force greater than the power of the Earth; the surface of the moon was rapidly changing; it looked like a giant firework, molten rocks sprinkled around this massive glowing ball. Momentarily, I forgot my troubles, my beautiful dead wife Claire, and watch this spectacular site, but the heat was so extreme and I had to move inside. The city went black; all the lights were extinguished, as the shock wave beyond comprehension knocked out all communications on Earth. The most incredible site ever witnessed by man had just happened, yet all I can think about was Claire. It would be days, even months before the full extent of what we had all seen was understood, but by then it was too late.

Fear of an apocalyptic end to life spurs the ancient carnal instincts of man. A new clock is ticking and we are now 5 minutes into this new age. Little do we know the full damage caused by this asteroid hitting our moon, the affect is subtle but the evolutionary changes will be great.

Monday, 15 November 2010

The Pointless Poem

In my mind these have a purpose even if they do not to anyone else, it is my minds ways of taking the jigsaw pieces and forming them into something tangible, something that might make sense.  I believe I will one day take all of the rubbish poems and somehow make good ones from them.  But at the moment they say something to me that others probably will not understand. 

If life were simple what would that mean?

Would it be boring and dull?

If life is easy what does that say?

If it’s not difficult, where is the fun?

If life was a clear road, and not a tangled bush,

Would it end in disappointment?

I don’t know I cannot say,

It seems one way and then it isn’t,

It goes one way and then it doesn’t,

It moves this way and then moves that,

It’s bloody strange and that’s a fact,

Will it ever be easy even for a short time?

To help to cope to bring back in line,

To realise the point of all this mess,

To end confusion, to end regret.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Isn't it?

Isn’t it funny how strange life can be?

One minute you’re there and then you’re history,

Isn’t it amazing how quickly time flies,

In the blink of an eye it’s all gone by,

Isn’t it strange how it always ebbs and flows?

Why is that the case nobody knows,

Isn’t it weird how things play on your mind?

Suddenly there in front, and then far behind,

Isn’t it lucky how things can turn out?

Some may say yes, and some will have doubts,

Well isn’t it, or isn’t it, I dunno,

I suppose we will find out before the end of the show.

Remembrance Sunday

Today is the day we honour and remember all the past wars, primarily of the last century. Most notably the First World War and Second World War; in many countries around the world, wreaths are laid, the bugle sounds ‘The Last Post’, and then at 11:00 we stand for two minutes silence.

I am not sure how many countries follow this tradition, but it seems there is not enough, because we still have wars, we still have unnecessary death, and carnage. We never seem to learn from these wars do we, and every year we commemorate with sadness the lives lost, the honour and sacrifice of millions of young men and women throughout the world. The true heroes, who died, or were wounded, some still to this day haunted by the memory, living with the nightmare.

I have great respect for anyone who served in the armed forces, even more respect for anyone who fought for their country; it is the supreme sacrifice. But now in this day and age, with all we have been through, all we have witnessed, war should be ended stopped forever.

It is not honourable to die for nothing, because of hate, and prejudice, because of distrust, doubt and deceit, to die because of the greedy selfishness of the few.

So many people have died because of this, and we should try everything in our power as civilised human beings to end wars.

I used to think fighting for freedom and the safety of your country was a good enough reason to go to war, but most war isn’t fought because of that. Yes I know the Second World War was, but that is the exception to the rule. Approximately 100 million people died directly or indirectly because of war in the 20th century. Let’s not have the same happen in the 21st century.

Fate is sealed

As the papers were signed and his fate was sealed a wry smile crossed his face, his freedom was ended, the years of fighting were over. He found it difficult to take, he sighed with deep regret, the force of nature had finally been curtailed. How masterfully he had kept his secret, how stealthily he had wormed his way into a position of power, a position to take advantage of the change that had occurred. Now he was trapped, his options were limited, but he knew he would find a way to escape, at least he hoped he would. The series of events up to this moment had been beyond the unusual, bizarre in fact; a quite incredible circumstance, an amazing series of conditions leading to this point in time. As he stood waiting the end of the judges drawl; he was not listening, he was just imagining the beginning. The moment the decision had been made, the most significant decision of his whole life. He imagined making a different one, changing his mind, going back to that moment once more, reliving it, what if he had said no. What if, he had just ran there and then? He knew it was impossible, you cannot run away from fate, you cannot run from truth, love and honesty. He knew it was the only choice he could have made; making a different one would have been disastrous. Finally the Judge finished his speech, those final words etched in his mind.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Friday, 12 November 2010

When You

I sometimes wonder where this all comes from, how do I think of them?  Where do they  manufacture themselves from, inside the brain?  Who knows, who really cares; I like thinking of poems even if they are rubbish.  Though I do quite like this one. 
Good night...

When you wake up and see the world,

When you wake up and smell the air,

When you wake up and smile,

When you wake up and feel good inside,

When you wake up and life is great,

When you wake up and all is perfect,

When you wake up and you feel great,

When you wake up and wish it was forever.

When you try to sleep and you are restless,

When you try to sleep and its late,

When you try to sleep and its impossible,

When you try to sleep you are too awake,

When you try to sleep and your hungry,

When you try to sleep and you need a drink,

When you try to sleep because you have to,

When you try to sleep but all you do is think.

The Weather

Since the wind is blowing here is another one of my less than good poems.  Well at least its better than feeling like crap like I did at the beginning of the week.  What will the weekend bring.  It stops abruptly because I couldn't think what to add at the end, I know when I write a decent poem because it ends properly.  That is why I know most of my poems are rubbish because they don't, still that is not the purpose of them.

The weather it is funny,

And unpredictable,

Sometimes it can be sunny,

And others miserable,

Mostly it is cloudy,

Some white but often grey,

Occasionally it gets really hot,

And everyone says hey,

A lot of time it rains,

And rains and rains and rains,

And everyone is sick because it blocks the drains,

It can get really cold and snow,

A blanket of brilliant white,

But then its turns to slush,

What a depressing sight.

I have a Dream

Bloomin’ heck it was windy last night, the wind it roared and the windows rattled, I was convinced they were going to blow in. I know in Britain our ideas of windy are slightly different to other parts of the world, but still it’s been whistling and howling for hours now. I had to put my earphones in to get some sleep. In Britain anything that would be slight, insignificant weather in another parts of the world, is a catastrophe here; if it snows a couple of inches, the roads are nearly all closed, if the temperature gets below zero, the schools are closed and people are told to stay indoors. Even leaves on the railway tracks causes delays on the lines. We are a country without extremes, weather wise anyway, so we are always caught out, and make a big fuss over nothing, a bit like ‘Manflu’ I suppose. When our weather is windier, colder, hotter, wetter, whatever; it’s like Manflu weather, not really bad weather at all. Still it did take a while to get to sleep.

Mind when I did get to sleep what a strange dream I had. I woke up with Martin Luther King’s haunting words, ‘I have a dream’ playing in my mind, over and over again. The dream was even weirder, and though quite funny; you could say it was like a nightmare. A funny nightmare but still nightmarish; President Obama, had lost the presidential election and now a new man was in charge and he was a mafia boss, he was also blind; blind to the whole world. Every day he sat in the Oval Office and played draughts/checkers with the Vice President, who was his son, and he was deaf, he couldn’t hear anything. The referee was the Secretary of State who was his brother and he was dumb, so couldn’t speak to the world.

I found all this quite amusing in my dream but waking up hearing the wind howling, and the words, ‘I have a dream’ echoing in my mind. I now feel it’s quite haunting.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

The Whisperer

The whisperer, the quiet dreamer,

The calmer of thoughts,

Languishing beneath the waves,

Perishing in the cold,

The draft of wind,

The coolest touch,

He floats, awaits his fate.

The shallowness, returning blossom,

Colours the ground before the shore,

Slowly, the whisperer will arrive,

Majestically he will crash towards the sands,

Then out of the white horses,

A flash a brilliant light,

In front of all he stands.

God will save us from Climate change - NOT!

Ha-ha something to cheer me up on a dull miserable morning John Shimkus Republican Representative in the US says, God will save us from climate change. We should not be concerned about climate change because God has already promised not to destroy the Earth.

Excuse the pun but Christ Almighty how can a guy like that get elected to represent a state? And it’s not even one of the ‘bible bashing’ states of the south its Illinois. Now I may not believe humans are the primary cause of climate change but I am open mined enough to change my mind when someone finally has the balls to put everything together constructively without bias and shows us what is really happening. I certainly wouldn’t be best pleased to hear that this evangelical Christian wants to be the chairman of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. You see now the crazies have overall power in the US, this is the sort of thing you will start to hear more often.

What sets alarm bells ringing is he is already on the committee; how does a guy who spouts the bible as fact get into such a high position of power?

Here are some of his quotes.

First, he noted God’s post-Flood promise to Noah in Genesis 8:21-22.

“Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though all inclinations of his heart are evil from childhood and never again will I destroy all living creatures as I have done.

“As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, will never cease.”

“I believe that’s the infallible word of God, and that’s the way it’s going to be for his creation,” Shimkus said.

Then he quoted Matthew 24:31.

“And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds from one end of the heavens to the other.”

“The Earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. Man will not destroy this Earth. This Earth will not be destroyed by a Flood,” Shimkus asserted. “I do believe that God’s word is infallible, unchanging, perfect.”

So America now you have changed your allegiance to the right, this guy might end up with a powerful position in government. Shimkus thinks he is uniquely qualified to head the committee.

It is scary to think that people can be so blinded to believe such nonsense, when are we going to realise there is no socialist or capitalist, red or blue, rightwing or leftwing. There is just right and wrong, there is just commonsense and nonsense, there is just ingenuity and stupidity.

And electing a guy like that is just wrong, nonsense and stupid.

It is people like him that make the climate change argument so difficult to fathom, because there are people like him on both sides who are not interested the state of the planet they are only interested in themselves and their status.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

The World Our Mother

When the World stood waiting to take its last breath, it remembered its long and fruitful life, so many memories, so many days, yet only a few moments were left to treasure.  All the species they were extinct, every life form was gone, only one thing was left alive, the Planet Earth third rock from the Sun.  The waters had all dried up, the clouds had faded away, the mountains had disappeared, only barren planes as far as one could see.  The World was over 8 billion times around the Sun, it had seen so many life forms, it had seen so much joy and fun.  Her brother Mercury passed away first, quickly followed by her sister Venus, now it was Earths turn, and then brother Mars would follow shortly.  A last long sigh as the massive deep red Sun grew ever closer, ever hotter.  It was the way of the Universe; it was the way it was meant to be.  She knew this time would finally arrive, she cherished all the past, all her children from trees, to plants, from fish to animals, she gazed at the Sun and remembered everyone.  And then the Sun got closer, so close the World began to glow, a brilliant red radiance, a mini star, the last remnants started to melt.  The World she smiled her final smile, she said goodbye to one and all, she was now part of her mother, just as all the life forms were part of her, all one, all together, all ready to be part of something new.

The International Space Station

The International Space Station is one of the greatest achievements of Planet Earth and humanity as a whole. It is one of those times we will be able to look back on, as well as look forward, and say we all worked together for a better vision. We will hopefully continue to see a big future with its development, its ingenuity, and say the developed world worked in unison to create something special in years to come.

So what is so special about the International Space Station, is it the thousands of parts created here on Earth then transported into space to be reassembled? Is it the sheer size of the undertaking meaning every year it grows and grows? Is it the fact we are learning so much about how space works and how we are able to survive up there? Or the many experiments that happen, which may help humanity back on Earth? I think the greatest one is the fact so many countries have invested in this Space Station.

USA, Russia, Europe, Japan, Canada are all the main contributors in the building and design of the structure, and other countries want to get involved, China, Brazil, South Korea. Maybe space will be the frontier than joins us together after all.

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

A Dream

I had a strange dream last night, I dreamt I was in another dimension; it was exactly the same as our world only different. The differences were subtle, things you would never notice unless you really wanted to notice them. People were nice, they were friendly, and I seemed to fit in there, I was happy; is it right to be happier in a dream than in reality? It was mostly the colour white and there were lots of railways, the food seemed to be mostly soft like marshmallow, sweet, and sickly. The rooms they lived in were also white and long, it reminded me of Japan for some reason. They all had mini steam rooms, only big enough to stand in, like a shower only not a shower. The place was vibrant and happy, everyone smiled and everyone was pleasant. In the dream there was a woman, she had a soothing essence, she was calming to be around, yet she always seemed to be beyond my grasp. She would be there and I would sense her and talk to her, but then when I chanced a look she was gone. What could it all mean in my mind? What will it all mean? I hope it means something. I just want to sleep at the moment, to dream and hope I will have more dreams like that, because they are far better than being alive.

Oh well it was only a dream, gone forever, I like to think of dreams like that as the minds way of trying to repair damage, trying to bring back something you feel you have lost. Is it lost forever or will it return? I hope it will.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Last Drop of Hope

I feel no joy, I feel no love,

I feel a crushing of my soul,

Constricting me, suffocation me,

Squeezing every last drop of hope.

A sickness slowly fills me,

A deep excruciating pain,

A knife twists in my stomach,

My mind is empty again.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

The Game of Life

When the world has left you broken hearted,

When you feel so low and glum,

When life does not seem worth it,

And you want to get out and run,

It seems easier to give up,

It is easier not to fight,

But is it easier to live with regret,

And the shame deep in your heart,

Will that make you a better human?

Will it give you strength inside?

Unfortunately it never will,

As that is the game of life.

Friday, 5 November 2010

Not Perfect After All

I’m always trying to think of simpler ways to explain my Universe, Infinitiverse; Perspective based thoughts on what the Universe is? Can we define the Universe? Can there be a simple conclusion, a simple answer, instead of what we presently use, with its impossibilities, its anomalies, its parts that cannot be explained.

My idea was not complex; I just expanded the Evolutionary Theory to include everything in the Universe. Could it be that simple, that the Universe is an evolutionary entity, which has through time; changed, mutated, recreated, copied itself constantly and every time this procedure would bring a change in the essence of the Universe. The mutations, or evolutionary change, happen because of an environmental shift, so change and environmental shifting, work hand in hand, one precedes the other always, because the mutation or change is unlikely to be useful in the standard type of normal environment of the time. Not many entities have it, and when the shift is triggered, massive environmental changes will kill most of the present entities, but the ones with the unused mutation, can now use this advantage to survive when entities without the mutation died in their millions.

The amazing thing I find about the Universe is the fact it always finds an answer, it always finds away, it is close to perfect, but not totally perfect. I think that is one of the reasons I do not believe in god, is the fact if we were created in his imagine, why didn’t he make us perfect? Why did he make it painful to give birth? Why did he make a perfect planet then surround us with millions of deadly Near Earth Objects, even the large asteroids, of over 1km number in the several thousands. If we were created why make us so paranoid distrustful of change and other humans, suffer painful physical illness, and maddening mental illness. Why allow us to destroy our planet, with all of the pollutants, poisons, toxic waste, chemical waste, oil spills, Nuclear waste, if we were really a chosen one above everything else in intellect, and self awareness, why are we so stupid as to make these mistakes in the pursuit of wealth accumulation. As a race, us humans would sooner destroy a village, drive out the inhabitants, make them homeless, flatten the ground, to make a profit making plants like tobacco, or Opium. You could say we try to gloss over these inhumane atrocities, basically the difference between Cigarettes, and Heroine, is one is illegal the other is not. They both can kill you; they are both highly addictive, and filled with hundreds of toxins and carcinogens. If we were perfect, would you imagine anyone wanting to grow a planet that causes massive death rates in the world, or the other one that turns humans into walking zombies? I could add alcohol which of course is the biggest legal killer around, alcoholism causes marriage breakups, imprisonment, massive debt, loss of job. Yet we allow this madness to continue we do not realise the implications, it makes me laugh to think what is legal and what is illegal. And mostly it’s the legal ones that are the worst, painkillers have added codeine, not to help you with pain, but to soothe you and make you feel a sense of warming wellness. So it’s a powerful drug, part of the same plant as Heroine, millions of women are addicted to painkillers because of codeine, yet you never hear that one mentioned as a dangerous drug. There is addiction to sleeping pills, addiction to stimulants, addiction to anti-depressants, though after being on various different versions I find it hard to believe you could become addicted to anti-depressants. Others more subtle and yet well known, caffeine, a large Starbucks to start the day, I cannot imagine it is healthy for a human to have excessive caffeine in their systems. We promote eating more and more, for less and less, getting fatter and fatter, unhealthier, we are slowly killing ourselves through our own weaknesses and compromises, we find all too easy to justify.

Finally we need to realise that without our knowing it, time is already changing us daily, making each new version a better adapted human than the one before, even if only slightly different. As the environment changes we change with it, without even realising it. We have such an amazing opportunity to move humanity to the next level. And the present day human, is not the roadblock to continuous evolution, we are not the top we are just the next step. Something will always come to along to take our place, depending on the environment shift.

Will it End this Way?

When life is hard it gets you down,

With no immediate end in sight,

When all the wrongs, and all the heartache,

Turn you ever closer to despair and misery,

When all those years feel like nightmares,

When all those memories seem so cruel,

We try to forget the pain, but know it’s there,

We try to say it’s ok, but know it’s not,

We hope that one day all will be alright,

But realise we are damaged, passed redemption,

So deeply, so emotionally, gone drifting alone in the bleakness,

Will it end this way?


I have been thinking about the whole looting, kidnapping, lawlessness, and general anarchy witnessed at the beginning of the Iraq war again. Hypothetically let’s say they were invading Holland, and the plan was to take out all the hash bars, and pot heads of the Netherlands. Let’s pretend the US and British forces have stormed into Amsterdam and Rotterdam. The crowds are cheering, and smashing up hash bars, destroying every last special cake, burning every stash of weed. Would you expect this to happen in Holland? Would you expect the people of Holland to become lawless and loot and pillage, kidnap women and children off the streets and hold them to ransom before killing? Raping and killing anyone, because they have not been allowed to think for themselves for twenty years, and this lack of use has turned them back to barbaric beasts. Somehow I doubt any of this would happen and that civilised society would continue unchanged. There would be intelligent communication between occupiers and the general population. I doubt suicide bombers would want to blow up buildings or murder innocent victims. I doubt the fans of Ajax would start a bloody war with the fans of Feyenoord, just because they are rival football fans.

Why would you think that is?

Two main reasons spring to mind.

1. Holland lives in a free democracy, it is one of the most advanced societies on the planet, who are not told what to do every day, they are allowed to think for themselves, come to their own conclusions. They are not forced to fear everything. They are allowed to go about their business in peace and privacy. There is no dictator or secret police, no republican guard, there is not much of an army all together.

2. Holland is not caught up in a religious hotbed; it does not have extreme factions of religion wanting to take control of the country. It is probably one of the most atheist countries in the world, as well as being one of the highest standards of living. Holland is ranked in the top 10.

Maybe this is why the US government screwed up their initial occupation; they just did not expect people to act in that way. Well we should learn a great deal from this, if you subjugate, and control societies with a iron rod of intimidation and fear, they may come back and bite you badly.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Unite Connect

When everything is forgotten,

And the past is long gone,

Only glimpses, deepest memories,

An emotion, long lost below,

When the legends have passed away,

When the myths and stories fade,

When the villains have been slain,

And the heroes have disappeared,

We will all unite together,

And connect with all at once.

I Do Not Know

What is this life we lead?

What does it mean?

Where does it go?

Can we understand its complexity?

Or it is just too difficult?

Where will the never ending path take me?

Will I want to go there?

Will I like what I find?

How hard a road is it to take?

Will it be cruel?

Will it be kind?

Can I see the eternal horizon?

Will it shine like a beacon?

Or disappear into darkness?

Will I find answers to my questions?

Will they help?

Will they hinder?

Will I lose the will to continue?

Will I lose the flow?

I do not know.

Never Allowed to Experience Freedom

One thing I did not talk about when discussing the documentary ‘No End in Sight’ and should be a lesson to all. Is how quickly a repressed, controlled, fearful, society, can turn to barbaric, savage, uncontrolled mayhem, once the shackles are released.

The more you imprison a human being, the more you take away freedom, and control their lives; the more you add fear, and oppression, and take away their rights. The more likely they will turn into deranged, psychotic beasts, because you have all this pent up emotion, this dreadful terror, finding its way to the surface.

It’s the dilemma of humanity, the urges of freedom against the hidden desires, and lusts, freedom allows us to explore. We need a mild form of control, but this control is increasing far too rapidly, it is invading our lives, and we are sick of it.

The first month after the Iraq War is a vile example of what can happen to civilised societies when they have not been allowed to ever experience freedom.


Alone; lonely, loneliness, always with ones thoughts,

Silent; silence, whispers, is all that I can hear,

Calm; calmness, calming, a pacifying peace,

Hide; hidden, hiding, my eyes are locked away,

Try; tried, trying, to sort the jigsaw puzzle,

Hope; hopeful, hopefully, it will come to me one day.

Autumn Trees

On Monday to help me calm down and remove some of my hyperactivity, I went for a walk, and whilst out on that walk, I snapped some photos of trees. Yes I know it sounds boring but there was something special about the moment. It was a beautiful day, especially for November, the sun was shining low in the sky, the sky was clear pale blue, the trees were changing colour, and the leaves feel like a golden red snow fall.

Here are some of them, some are enhanced others are not.

The War to End all Wars

And so the two great worlds stood face to face, the awe and majesty of each worlds army, each worlds wealth, each worlds destructive capability, was set out before us. The raging hell, the burning hatred, the desire to annihilate every living thing on their enemies plane, leave nothing alive, kill, slaughter, exterminate everything. The collision was to be absolute. The winner would be the victor for all eternity; the stakes could not be higher. As the billions waited, tension building, silence piercing the air like a blinding blade of malice, the great generals waited for the moment. Who would start the bloodlust? Who would be the decider of infinite death? Who would be the one?

Hours passed, time seemed to stand still, the wait, an excruciating agony, restless conscripts, prayed for life. Veteran mercenaries prayed for death, the blood was boiling they knew glory was not far away. Slowly from the far reaches, a sound started to rumble, it grew slowly, until it was a roar, the deadly roar, as loud as hell itself. Then chanting, and screaming, and venomous evil, a cacophony of wicked sounds, impatient movement, the troops wanted to begin the last nightmare.

The sky went dark, a blackness never witness by any being, lightening then lit up the sky, brilliant scars of death, the immortals were watching from above. Then deadly silence and the arm fell, the signal went out at the speed of light. The war to end all wars, the battle for supremacy was about to begin.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

The Reckoning

When retribution has its day,

Justice and judgment lay bare,

When the people rise and have their say,

The reckoning will begin,

The guilty should beware.

When fires burn and streets in chaos,

Where shall we point the blame?

Who caused this mess?

Who forced distress?

Whose head will hang in shame?

Bring Me Back To Peace

Today is a day like any other day, but today is not the same as every other day, because today I feel despair, I feel lost, I feel full of panic and sadness.  I keep thinking that when I haven’t had days like today for long periods of time, they will never come back and I am free of them.  Then out of nowhere like a ninja assassin, it strikes, and I am dead.  I feel rotten, I have a splitting headache, I want to curl up and die.  I am not physically ill yet my body is suffering tension, and panic, and I don’t know why.  At least now I know not to question it, not to ask the questions, just hope it passes and passes soon.

The cruel despair of life,
A pervading force, the nemesis,
The destroyer of my world,

The wicked lurker,

The devious beast,

The nasty brew.

Calm is my mind whilst the body rages,

Clear are the thoughts,

Subtle is the change,

Heart is racing,

Blood is boiling,

Tears are ready to fall.

Deep breathes to ease the suffering,

Closed eyes to hide the fear,

Willing, hoping, wishing, please,

Slow down the tension,

Alleviate the pain,

Bring me back to peace.

No End in Sight

I deliberated on whether to write this post, it is based on another documentary I watched this morning called, No End in Sight. The reason I have deliberated is because I seem to have criticised America quite a number of times recently. It is not because I am anti-American; it is because I am anti-selfishness, anti-greed, and anti-stupidity, that I write these posts. I hold my own country Britain equally responsible in the matters I write about below. It is distasteful, and abhorrent, it is hard to believe that in this day and age, we can still act like this.

No End in Sight catalogues the early months after the invasion of Iraq, and the end of the official war, it begins with the victory, when the Iraqis, were so pleased to see the end of a most hated dictator. Little did they know that there was something far worse about to take its place.

The first fledgling weeks without the dictator, saw unprecedented carnage, chaos, confusion, death, looting, the destruction of the infrastructure of Iraq. And the poor US Army stationed there were told not to act in any way to stop it. They were told not to get involved, hell raged around them, and they could not act, because of a bunch of idiots in the White House. Then when a team finally was sent to take control, they had nothing; they were left to sort out a dreadful catastrophe, of insurmountable proportions, without even a chair to sit on or a table. They started to make a difference, but they were short term, and the American government, or the four biggest criminals in the last ten years, Dopey Dubya, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz, decided to play a real life game of Monopoly and Risk at the same time, with the lives of millions of Iraqis and hundreds of thousands of Military Personnel.

They sent over Paul Bremer, who can only be described as similar to a Nazi Gauleiter, stationed in Poland, and in a way, what they did in Iraq between 2003-2004, in the name of freedom, in today’s modern society with higher morals and ethics; is just as bad, only more inept.

The documentary says after neglecting the Iraqis and letting them create hell; Bremer stepped in and made it worse. First he stopped the initial formation of an interim Iraqi government, then he banned the Ba’ath Party, which was called de-Ba'athification, and finally the biggest of gargantuan mistakes, he disbanded the Iraqi army, making hundreds of thousands of military men unemployed.

This of course over time, caused an insurgence, and turned Iraq into the hellish battlefield it has been for many years. The one part of the doc that sticks in my mind, and is one of the most horrific things I have seen that did not show blood and guts. Is the video of some crazed private security force driving through the streets of Baghdad, firing assault rifles and machine guns at innocent civilians in cars and on the street? Some sicko sadist had videoed it, and put an Elvis track over the top, it was beyond disturbing.

In my mind the four stooges mentioned above are no different than the Nazi War Criminals of WWII, or Slobodan Milosevic, or Pol Pot, or any of the other perpetrators of genocide we have seen in history. To allow such a thing to happen is criminal, and justice should be served on the leaders who instigated the war, and the continuous nightmare.

I will end by saying remember those Tea Party activists saying why is there no jobs or money in America, well one of the reasons is the $1.8 trillion, the war in Iraq has cost the American Tax Payer. When the Republican loony’s were in charge, the Tea Parties America. I will add another note, I bet a large portion of that $1.8 Trillion went to defence contracts, and companies owned by the one percent, the billionaires of America.

Watch this documentary it will open your eyes.