Thursday, 26 December 2013


I am numb with pain that will never leave me,
Yet to all others I am a dark reflection,
I keep to myself to myself I keep my pain,
I will never trust a soul with my heart,
For they know how to break it,
Shatter it into smithereens.

I feel nothing good; I feel nothing at all,
What is the point in fighting a losing battle,
Happiness gone, blasted from me,
Like meaningful honesty,
The surge of someone’s truth,
An indignant lie I do not want to hear.

Sunlight happiness lamp, does not take away the sadness,
The rush inside my soul to push forward,
The pleasure from a feeling of success,
Slowly fading, the nightmarish battles that rage in my head,
Are now staring right at me,
Mirrored by the darkness that holds me ever tighter.

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Dead and Forgotten

Therefore, it is with great regret,
That I should fall down on my sword,
It was an accident they said,
I was just playing cos I was bored.

They packed me in a big red box,
I did not realise at the time,
For I was dead, alone and lost,
How come, I did not see the signs.

When finally it dawned on me,
I was by then, oh, 6 feet under,
A feeling of anxiety,
Rushed over me like light and thunder.

Holy shit, damn blast and hell,
How will I ever leave this place,
For I am trapped inside this cell,
Forever more without a trace.

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Light – Philosophically it is God!!!

I have finally found out how light moves and why it travels so fast, the easiest explanation I found was this.  

“Light is, essentially, a self-propagating pulse of information that tells us that the state of some electromagnetic field has been altered somewhere in space.”

Essentially, white light is the disturbance that our brains can use to see, as well as being the essential part of life, especially for plants.  Infrared light gives us warmth; radio waves mean we can communicate over distances, and so on and so forth.  To put it basic terms, light or the electromagnetic field, is a quirky disturbance in the Universe that we know very little about, but from this amazing disturbance through universal evolution, we came to exist, and without it, we would not.

I suppose the question or perhaps questions I would ask.  We know we need this disturbance to exist.  Is it essential for everything to exist?  Can things exist without an electromagnetic disturbance?  Can they exist with only the disturbance?  Do they need water and Oxygen (though you could argue that we would not have water or Oxygen without the disturbance)?

Did the disturbance start the big bang?  Did it happen after the big bang?  I suppose it is one of those chicken and egg situations.  I believe the disturbance has been there for eternity, even before the big bang.  Perhaps not as we know it now, then through some sort of evolutionary change, similar to a change in environment we know assists in our evolutionary timeline, the big bang started what we know as the known universe.

You could make an argument that in our reality, light, or the electromagnetic field, the disturbance, is the nearest thing to God, if you were so inclined to think that way.  It created us over time, it gives us life, and without it, we would not exist. 

Over time, I believe if people still want to believe in a creator, if they still need the concept and the thought of some almighty being giving us life and looking out for us.  A benevolent, omnipresent, omnipotent entity, then you can look no further than Light, the disturbance in our reality.  In fact, if you think back well before religion to the beginning of initial human thinking of why we exist, we thought of light as god, the sun was one of the first deities and what is the sun from our perspective back then, but light.

Monday, 30 September 2013

Show me the way

I am falling slowly, gradually gaining speed,
I can feel the air rush passed me,
It feels like my life is rushing passed me too,
What is the point of happy thoughts, when one has no one to share them with,
The reason to laugh and enjoy, does not feel within me,
I feel more and more alienated, destitute, alone, surrounded by nothingness,
What a mess, life can be shit at times, and yet it must be so easy to push ones way out of this mire,
 How though, when one feels so alien, so lost, beyond help,
Show me the way, the hidden way, the illuminated light, that only the illuminated see,
Through the thorns, through the pain, the constant doubt,
Show me the way; oh please show me the way,
I cannot delay, it must be soon, the black hood and cloak is following.

Monday, 23 September 2013

Being Happy

Why does it matter when life does its thing,
Its cruel and its demented, as well as inspiring,
Moment by moment, a continuous flow of realty,
Straining the boundaries of sanity,
I cannot go, I wish I could, it is far too difficult,
Yes I am a shame, am I unable to move
Onwards forwards and hopefully a place,
Where I can be just a little bit happy.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Complexity of Life

I am sure there is an easier way to describe the creation of life, but this is my attempt to understand why we are here and how we came to be.  It seems obvious that we exist because of a sequence of events that have gradually moved the stuff of the Universe, with a little help from external forces like the Sun, the Moon, and the large gas giants.  These factors have somehow created the most intelligent self-aware beings, ever known in the Universe as far as we are concerned.

From our perspective, at present, the only way to create intelligent self-aware life forms is through the process of evolution.  Evolution in our perspective uses complexity and creates variety, which eventually ends up with us, human beings.

The world we live on, through its history has caused a ferocious fight for supremacy in an ever-diversifying planet, the need to continue, to never die out and become extinct.  Could this formula be the formula for intelligent life?  The more ingredients you add to the soup the better it will taste, and if you add enough ingredients, you end up with a human being.  What if we added more ingredients, would this make a more intelligent, more self-aware, life form or entity, which is higher on the food chain than we are.  Alternatively, is there a level, which is as good as it gets, before it turns into a strange brew, which tastes awful? Is a human being the best the Universe can make, or can it make a better living entity than us, we know it can make plenty that are not as intelligent, or self-aware, we have a planet full of them, we are the best we know of at present in our perspective.

I am no good at math, but I am sure there must be an equation for the evolution of the Universe that gives the answer as us.  I know this is different to other ideas and concepts I have thought of in the past, but hey, you have to let your brain and mind just spin around, to flow in a direction until an idea pops out.  Moreover, since this is the first decent thought I have had in a while I thought I had better type it down for good or bad.

Back to reality, intelligent self-aware life forms from our perspective in our known Universe need, a number of external objects to create the right conditions on a planet, that is in the goldilocks zone, needing liquid water (or perhaps any liquid, we needed water but other life-forms might use another compound altogether).  The planet needs stability – our own planet has many factors that stabilise the environment; factors are the stabilising forces, objects, shields, or whatever it is, create an environment ready for life to flourish. 

I suppose using another analogy we could be raising an animal, let us say horses, as I do not want to be a pig, or cow. Centuries ago, horses were wild animals and then man tamed them, we raised them and over time and created the variety of horses we see today.  We were the major force that made a better horse.  One major external factor. 

I am still not flowing, I do not know what has happened to my brain, it is not working as it normally does, hence the terrible poems I have been writing, I sit and I wait, until the mind decides to work again.  Still at least I did something even if it is only a page.

Monday, 19 August 2013

Fear of Fear

They crawl the depths do unknown fears,
They seep inside the cracks,
Lurking behind corners,
Searching the mind for what it lacks,
Fear oh fear, so irrational,
Alive inside thee, cesspit eternal,
Its rapes the body and burns the soul,
So many fears we cannot control,
Yet fears we have, there is nothing to do,
Accept the fate that has befallen you,
For we shall never live without them here,
For if we did, we’d have nothing to fear.

Saturday, 10 August 2013


Why is it I feel guilty, guilty as sin,
Where do I begin, feelin’ guilty as sin,
It’s all happenin’ always nightmares anxiety,
Deep inside my soul, what the hell can it be?

Oh please take away this mess,
Oh yes, please take away this mess,
Perhaps if I confess, the feelin’ it will go,
Release and let it flow, I really hope so.

It tightens and it constricts,
I think it gets some kicks,
It wants me to feel unhappy,
Sad and melancholy,
Fuck that its sheer folly,
The guilt for nothin’s stupid,
Only a fool would be so daft,
Perhaps that is the problem,
Perhaps it is a fact!

Ah does the realisation, a knowing of the issue,
Release this terrible tension,
Before it grows and starts a festerin’
A twistin’ and a crushin’, beneath my heart is burnin’,

Calm down a take some time,
Close my eyes and count to nine,
Right open and see the light,
And pray the guilt is out of sight.

Monday, 29 July 2013


I sense a deafening silence as it blends eloquently with a distant wind of my forgotten dreams,
Memories I have lost forever, fallen down the deepest shaft of ill fate, not used only thought of,
Doomed, a needless throwaway like the daily garbage of life, wanted, needed, yet never succeeded,
Bled from every part of my soul, seeping away my pleasure of existence,
Though, thou, thee, does sometimes like a burst of golden hatred, feel the force of one such torture remembered,
It hits me like a rumination rocket from hell, a recollection I would rather never rise again,
Yet when it does, it sometimes has the lingering hope that perhaps there was a reason for the failure to connect,
Perhaps there was a deserving reason why this time it did not work; perhaps it will work in the future,
However there comes a time when it feels as if there are less futures, and too many pasts,
Reasons not to try, reasons to deny, reasons to sigh and say no, why bother, why put myself through the pain,
How much pain does one have to endure before one feels happiness, peace, harmony, and joy,
Keep trying and eventually one time it will work, if you fire enough arrows at the board one will eventually hit the bulls-eye,
C'est la vie is that not what they say, go on don’t give up, keeping on trying until you are dying,
Accept the pain, accept your failures, accept, accept, accept, you will never be anything of note,
I accept and I forgive, I will try and I will live, but it is fucking hard to continue in this vain, when most of the time all I can feel is pain!!!

Friday, 26 July 2013

I wanna die!!!

Oh my, oh my, oh my,
I feel like I wanna die,
Life is just passing me by,
Inside all I do is cry.

I want to get out of this mess,
I feel guilty like I wanna confess,
Just act normal and be like the rest,
Do something exciting and bring back the zest.

Yet still I sit and I wait,
Perhaps want day the dream, but its late,
It’s hard and I really do hate,
Myself because I can’t walk through life’s happy gate.

Decisions, decisions, decisions,
My mind fractured and on a collision,
I have no focus, and no precision,
I know I need to make a positive incision.

Time it is fast running out,
Like a prizefighter, it is my last bout,
I am screaming for help yet can’t shout,
Will I ever finally sort myself out.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Ways and Means

There is a place I go when I’m low,
Deep inside my mind, I take it slow,
Try to understand the reasons for,
Melancholic dreams they haunt me more.

There is a place I go its way out west,
I just drive and drive; I feel its best,
When I reach the sea, I take a test,
Try the citrus fruit of life to taste the zest.

There is a place I go when I’m high,
Fire up the rocket head to the sky,
Time flies to quick it is by the by,
Just hope when it ends I haven’t died.

There is a place I go when life is dull,
When the mind is always bored, I have to mull,
This is the time I want to cull,
Wipe away everything and wait until I’m full.

Friday, 5 July 2013

The Sun

I see the sun is shining,
Hurting my eyes,
Burning my skin,
Searing the land,
Wasting everythin’.

Up there in the sky,
Great ball ablazin’,
Isn’t it amazin’,
White thru the squint,
So hot the Earth needs savin’.

Billions and billions,
Of lives will have past,
Until we see the last,
Will we lay down pray aghast,
At the Sun on man’s last task.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Who knows! What the hell! Never sell snake oil to a con man!

Dead head!  Not alive he said,
Fed a fool full of empty promises,
Considered whether it was right,
Never understood why it could be wrong,
Is this a true actuality, a reasonable definite reality?
However brief the stay, cannot delay the inevitable,
Ha, you might say to that, was it the decision you could undertake,
As a black cat running right under a speeding car, how bizarre,
A penance of sorts, settled out of the courts, got any thoughts,
Whatever this might all mean, who knows perhaps it is just quaintly obscene! 

Successful self-pity and moping!!!

There is nothing one can do, but look on at the passing days with invigorating wonderment, and splendour,

Is this true, can it be that easy?

See the passage of time, notice the moment, feel the presence of something more than just a one foot in front of the other action,

Today is always now, there is never tomorrow, there is never yesterday, what is wrong with me, why do I let this pass me by,

I know what to do but an unable to do it, am I stupid, am I afraid, am I just not good enough?

Constant grief, a never ending pain, a nightmare of consequences, suffering, endless, eternal,

Sadness, a sense of not knowing if there will ever be something else, a reason to surge onwards and try to break the barriers holding me back,

Why can I not break them?

Alas, this is the difficult part, to want to go; however, I am unable to go, or even try to go,

Perhaps one day I will break free and fly like a bird out of my cage and into the green and pleasant land,

To know what it is like to accept and rationalise my existence, is that actually possible, or is it just a confused pipe dream,

Can I climb the highest mountain and swim the greatest ocean, run through fields of wheat and smell the fresh sea air,

Or will I fade away into nothingness, without anything to show for my life, I pitiful mess, that perhaps had a hope to succeed one time in the distant past,

When one was young, before being twisted and crushed, before being broken and lost,

Will I walk the streets as an old man, slowly, Zimmer Frame holding me crooked, shaking, with no one to help me when I fall,

Wanting to die, hoping it will happen soon, quickly, without any fuss, without any pain, quietly fade away, as a shadow lost in darkness. 

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Raging Restlessness, Continual Consternation,

My mind is a swirling,
Ideas are whirling,
My brain is unfurling,
Consciousness curling,
Throwing and hurling,
Can I stop what I’m doing?
Slow down the pursuing,
Concentrate and breath,
Do not self-deceive,
Control the belief,
It may give some relief,
But the mind will not stop,
It’s so tired it will drop,
Oh sleep would be nice,
Just once perhaps twice,
Instead I continue,
My body a sinew,
If only it would end,
It might feel heaven sent,
I hope this will work,
Now its not a joke,
Before I erupt,
I am really stumped!

I am not sure if you could call what I write poetry.  It is a blast from my mind, straight onto the page; I do not really think about it, it just happens.  I wonder, do professional poets take an age to write their poetry, do they sit and ponder every word, I presume some do.  This is why I do not classify my verse as poetry; it is just lines of thought.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

The Crazy World Called Earth

There is a crazy world out there,
So strange, varied, unusual,
Makes you wonder if anyone cares,
Perhaps most are just fools,
Do I really care if someone dies,
In another part of this great Earth,
Should I really care if someone lies,
As my belly jiggles with laughter and mirth,
Damn those bastards who make me think,
Force me to have a conscience,
To realise that this world stinks,
Bloody ridiculous and full of nonsense,
If I could live with my head in the sand,
Play dead, pretend it’s happy smelling of roses,
But you cannot in this outrageous land,
Because simply put, it’s too preposterous.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

An Urban Myth

Ah society, society, what on Earth could you be,
Are you just humanity, striving to accept reality,
Perhaps you are an infestation,
A constant influx, an infiltration,
Burning, boring, through our minds,
Delving deeper, what can you find,
Followers following devious deceivers,
Castigating non-believers,
Jumped on-board the ship of fools,
Idealistic fervent tools,
Mindless, thoughtless, unfortunately populous,
Pretends to be above all else,
What can we do to change this state,
To end societies truly miserable fate. 

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Do conscious thoughts already exist or not?

I am sitting here wondering, pondering, thoughts; I love thoughts, especially creative unusual ones.  They define us and make us unique; of course, the big question is why we have thoughts, beyond the normal parameters of conscious thinking.  If, as I have mentioned before, dark energy (whatever the accumulation of the stuff pushing the known universe apart actually might be) is a by-product of consciousness, which has been through evolution expanding our universe – how do we get them.  If that makes sense, the question I ask myself, is if the infinitiverse is always everything that can be, as well as continuously growing and multiplying using evolution.  If all the conscious thoughts that can be thought, are they already thought, and if they are already thought, what does this mean.  If this all seems too crazy and out there beyond the box and whatever else we imagine as reality, then what else could be happening.

Wow, I can write some waffle at times.  Weirdness seems to flow from my typing like water gushing from a leak.

However, it does make me think or does it, perhaps I am not thinking it at all, my mind is just going through a preordained sequence of events, like the motion of the cogs in clockwork.  Now I think further, I will at least consider it as thinking for now, what happens to the trillions of thoughts neglected or considered not worthy of recognition by my subconscious, before the conscious had a chance to get in on the act.  What if those subconscious thoughts are in fact being recognised by another me, in another realm or dimension, or whatever you want to call it.  In addition, can the thoughts I may or may not have used, for better or for worse, can another  different person use them now. 

Now I think further on from thinking further on this weird subject, since many people do have similar thoughts, then it is very likely slight differences are there for everyone to utilise, and everyone has the capability to manifest the same thought.  However, the brain is not capable of selecting every thought because there are so many (even a billion potential conscious thoughts would create a multitude of actual responses, think what it would be like with a trillion trillion).  This means that even though everyone has a brain capable of using every thought, since there are so many it is impossible for a brain (or conscious thought device or whatever else can be used to create a conscious thought) to consider every thought to ever be used, this will help to keep evolutionary diversity. 

I think I have just contradicted myself in the last chapter, let me try to make it simple, let me see now…

Everything in the infinitiverse is interconnected.  In our realty of the infinitiverse, which we call the universe, energy has transformed into many different forms; some collaborate and create our brain.  Our brain is a super computer the most brilliant, incredible device known to exist in our reality.  The brain uses the energy existing in our reality to create a mind with conscious thought.  Back to my question, are the conscious thoughts out there as energy for us to pluck into existence, like taking an apple from a tree?  Alternatively, are they there being created by the brain as new never existed before entities.  You would think that our brain using our minds creates the thoughts, but it is not very practical or economic to do that in this reality.  It is more likely they already exist in the form of an unknown energy that has some connection to dark matter and dark energy. 

I think they are out there already, perhaps not as conscious thoughts, but as energy with a code ingrained inside every form it can manifest.  We use this code and we call it evolution, I suspect the code is the most complex sequence imaginable and some more.  This code is what creates the universe, it also created atoms, dark matter, dark energy, and of course consciousness.  It is something we cannot explain and we will never understand (at least not for a long, long time), it is beyond mathematics.  It is the purest of the pure.  Anyway, the conscious thoughts that brought me to this out of the box post are fading faster than morning mist, and I will leave it there.

Friday, 7 June 2013

The Decision, Before the Act

What be the reason, as she stands there,
A look of puzzlement on her fair face,
Golden blonde hair waving defiantly,
One eye, open wide, a gaze so bright,
Finger on pursed lips, flame red delight,
What is she thinking? Other hand on hip,
Should she cross over to the other side?
She looks so pensive, she cannot decide,
One eye all glazed, a tear has fallen,
Perhaps she wondering as she ponders stallin’,
Should she really go through with this?
Would it not be better just to miss?
But melancholy, is in her head,
She found it so hard to leave her bed,
Now she knows she has the strength to see,
What she feels will set her free,
To take the plunge and not look back,
And fuck those bastards for what they lack,
She wipes away her salty tears,
She knows that she has nothing to fear,
This is her time; she knows it to be true,
With that, one step forward and a big fuck you!

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Something or Nothing

Does one’s life end, when one’s energy has run out?
When the body has lost its motor,  
When the soul has gone, raced away, if one ever had one,
When the twinkle in one’s eye has turned into a milky pale,
When all that is left is a body; cold, rigid, a slab of emptiness,
Is it possible, something unknown, unclear, perhaps unworldly moves onwards?
Ascending to another realm,
Taking one’s conscious energy, one’s self dominion, beyond,
How does this happen?  Does it happen to all?
Can one buy a passage upwards to this great hall?
On the other hand, perhaps,
Does one just fade away whence one came?
Just like a onetime flame,
Burning bright, strong of heart, full of energy, heat and desire,
Nevertheless, limited, finite, knowing it will fade away,
Gone forever, never to return, short, once pure,
A tiny diamond gem eventually crushed and destroyed,
A unique supernova of existence, and creation embraced.

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Painting - The Red One

I could not help myself, I had a green one, and a blue one, so I decided to create a red one too.  It looks a bit grim, it will definitely change as I don't like it.  Still its a start.

Painting - The Big Bang

This is my largest painting; I have debated whether to add it to my blog because as you can see it is not finished, it does not look as unfinished in the flesh.  Still it is obvious once I had photographed it.  It hangs in my bedroom, I stare at it every morning, and I wonder when the desire to finish will come back to me.  I wonder if it should just stay as it is.  Perhaps one day the urge will be too great and I will continue onwards.  It is a good example of a painting, which for three days solid captivated me, then it became tedious and I could not continue, I tried but whatever energy was inside me when I decided what I wanted to create had left, it has never returned.

Thursday, 9 May 2013

The Infinite Entity

Thinking further about the Infinite Entity, yes I like that, the Infinite Entity, it includes our Universe, our reality, our dimensions, our whatever, it basically includes everything.  What could it be?  We know it likes energy; we know it can through randomness, create various forms using this energy.  It seems to be growing, and is likely to be so large as to seem infinite to us, on Planet Earth.  Does this mean our Infinite Entity is in fact finite?  We will never know this.  We live in the entity, perhaps we are part of the entity.  It is likely we are the entity.  We know that, what we call the universe is part of the entity, though I imagine a miniscule, itsy bitsy, teeny-weeny, minute, smaller than a trillionth of a quark, possibly so small not even to register as existing - is that small enough.

We are small, but that is not relevant, since that is not how the Infinite Entity works.  Yes, there is a mechanism to how it exists, there has to be, but the mechanism is a nonstandard one, the same as evolution is a nonstandard mechanism.  The Infinite Entity is greedy, it gobbles up energy and spits it out in many forms, which make it grow and grow.  It must grow in ever more elaborate ways.  Does this mean at one time back when it was a baby, was the Infinite Entity less complex, and I do not mean like the standard model of cosmology.  I mean long before the big bang and the beginning of space-time, let us call it Infinite Entity Time, IET.  When IET was less than a second old, what was it then.  What if there was no time whatsoever, what if the Infinite Entity was never young, never a second old, what if it is just everything always.

If the Infinite Entity is everything always, well this opens up many new avenues.  It would be difficult to imagine what everything happening at once, always constantly, infinitely, would be like.  Now that I think about it, I have tried to imagine this before.  What was it I said, let me think, I think I said; imagine a road that is infinitely long, and infinitely wide.  It has an infinite number of roads stacked one on top of the other, in both directions.  Each road has an infinite number of Russian Dolls, all standing one against the other in all directions.  Each doll has an infinite number of pieces inside and out and all this is growing at an infinite rate.  The dolls are moving along the road and as they move, every moment that passes creates an infinite number of new dolls on new roads.  Now I will add that inside each doll more than one thing is happening at the same time.  As well as new pieces of the Russian Doll, new roads are created (I am trying to keep it simple, roads and dolls are just manifestations of everything that can possibly be created). 

If one were to take a human life as a different example, I would imagine that as every moment passes every possible action or cause will happen.  On top of this every reaction or effect will also happen.  You could take it further by saying that the same would be true of everything on Planet Earth.  Every atom, every cell, every rock, every inner core, every water molecule, you get the drill.  It just happens that what we see is one likely outcome out of an infinite number.  The question must be what is going on in the other infinite moments.  Through a law of everything does the entity choose the best moment, or are all moments happening at the same time, which I think is true.  Who knows?  I wonder, if it was true that every moment of the Infinite Entity was happening at the same time, whether one path or destiny, fate whatever you want to call it, is yours, or can one change it.  I suppose then one may argue that if the change occurred, then that was the actual destiny anyway.  Umm I could waffle on about this infinitely, haha, but I will leave it there.

Monday, 6 May 2013

Winter and Summer

I am not sure if this is because the paint is drying, or that my mind is adjusting to whichever painting I desire at the time (in a purely aesthetic way).  Nevertheless, I have painted or should I say splashed colour on canvas numerous times recently and whether the time of day, or my emotional state, or whatever, I like each one at different times, for different reasons.  I now see my swirling chaos painting as a harsh antithesis of my Four Elements painting (I need to find a better name for that painting, perhaps I will just call it The Antithesis).  Whereas I used careful brush strokes, which took a great deal of time and concentration for the Four Elements, the opposite is true for the chaos of its twin.

The painting above which has no name I thought it reminded me of winter, and I have added its twin below, which I will now call summer.  In normal light, it does not seem very good, it is just a spatula scrapped across cheap canvas, but when the lights are on at night, the different colours of blue draw you in.  It feels like I am walking through an ice sheet.  The painting comes alive at least it does in my mind, but I wonder is this because the paint is still fresh and has not dried yet. 

In contrast, the Antithesis painting improves at it dries, with every day that passes I like it ever more.  However when I compare the Four Elements with the Antithesis, I am starting to prefer my newer panting and seeing the faults of my older work.
The two paintings I called Cool and Warm, I am starting to dislike immensely, I will have to change them or move them soon.  My Volcanic Ocean, is just practice, it changes ever so slightly when I feel I want to add a bit of red here, or dab some blue there.  Perhaps its need a flurry of white or a thrust of orange, I just like the idea of sections, joined as one yet separate.  The colours merging through each canvas, I just like that concept.  I still want to in case the six segments in a black wood frame as if looking out a black window.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that as I look at the various creative noises I have produced recently, I am noticing the changes more, even the subtle ones, and I find it fascinating.  It is like they are alive as they change, the metamorphoses is constant.

Painting is excellent therapy, and the internet gives a reason to practice painting, which means one can at least pretend to be an artist.  This creates a very convenient and helpful loop.  The urge to post a painting is increasing, at least it is at present, so I paint more, I do not care if they are good or bad, I just want to add them. 

There is only one tiny problem with painting more, I will have to buy more canvases, and they are not cheap unfortunately.

Wednesday, 1 May 2013


This is just a storm, a raging storm, uncontrollable, unknowable.  It may change over time if and when I get bored of it.

The Ship

This painting has changed many times.  It is now a ship sailing towards hell.

Monday, 29 April 2013

Painting - The Antithesis - Swirls of Unfinished Chaos

*** Since I have now named this painting I have changed the title***

I painted this because I missed my Four Elements painting.  I did not want to make an exact replica, that would serve no purpose.  I wanted to get the general theme, but change it slightly.  I am not sure I like it, it looks better than this photo suggests.  I do not know why my phone take such crap photos, the old phone that was not as good, took much better pics.  Petty I do not have it anymore. Like all my art it is never finished, always in need of improvement.  That is probably why I love my Four Elements painting so much, it was perfect, I could not make it better, at least in my eyes, and believe me that is a rare thing indeed.  Perhaps if I get a better camera I might like this one more, the camera shows all the faults, they become glaringly obvious, which makes me hate the bloody thing all the more.

Sunday, 28 April 2013

Our Infinite Universe

I heard on the news that Einstein’s Theory of Relativity has passed another barrier, I do not remember now.  I think they said, because it is not fresh in my mind, but I think they said the only piece of the puzzle that still does not fit is the quantum part.  Small things just do not want to fit in with the whole Space Time, curvature of space, gravity, which Einstein’s theory, theorises.  Wow, that was a mouth full.

I always thought this was a simple thing to explain.  I must just not understand it properly, since I do not have a physics degree.  However, surely the simplest answer uses Einstein’s theory, the concept of relativity especially of light, which he used in his thought process.  Nevertheless, the reason quantum theory does not work with Einstein’s theory is because of the perspective we observe it through.  Yes, I have mentioned this before, but surely, it is that simple.  We are the centre of our universe and we see the world and observe it as is.  Then some clever boffin tries to theorise it mathematically.  Now I wonder if we were the size of the atoms and quarks in question would Einstein’s theory work and how would we perceive the world above.  Would it be as we see our world above?

Perhaps there is no way to connect the large with the small.  Imagine the universe is a slide rule; see the ruler there with the slide set at a specific part of the ruler or in our case the universe.  It has set parameters, they never change, but as we look at the slide rule, we know we can move the slide up and down the ruler.  The parameters of the ruler or universe never change, it is only how we perceive them that changes. 

If we use the slide rule effect with Einstein’s theory, we can theoretically move the slide or our perspective up and down the ruler or the universe.  It seems relatively obvious, if you change where you observe the universe, and I mean the whole perspective the slide rule changes also. 

I was not even going to write about that it just popped in my head.  I was going to write about time, but that has now popped out of my head.  I think I was going to talk about personal time, you must have a time clock, that seems obvious, then there is space-time, and I wondered how they affect each other, is it the same thing because in my view the brain is making all time.  The brain creates our reality through the input from our senses. 

Oh another thought…

Why do atoms make us?  There you go that is a left field question.  Are they slaves, with no other purpose than to bind together in complex ways, to make things like us.

What is the purpose?  I know there is the random effect from evolution, but evolution has been going on since whatever it is we exist in, our wonderful universe, did what it did.  Whether you could call it a beginning, I am not sure.  I do not think the universe began; something we are unaware of did it.  What else unknown to us, through the randomness of evolution, what else is out there beyond what we can observe.  Beyond the big bang, an infinite entity, continuously growing, changing, multiplying, diversifying, mutating, dying, creating, and way beyond our understanding or comprehension.  It is the mystifying blend of an incredible substance or entity.  You could say in all honesty that it is magical.

Waffle over.

Friday, 26 April 2013

The World is a Building of Human Catastrophe and Destruction

Perhaps it is just a western problem; perhaps it is not, the world works as an ever-decreasing circle of land, of wealth and opportunity, at least it does for the majority of its population.  Is it just from the perspective of living in Britain, but the western world works to devalue everything, at least everything of meaning, of substance.  I know this is probably obvious, I am sure it is now I think about it; we would not have demonstrations about the one percenters would we.  Which in a way makes it all the worse; we know our fate and still blindly follow.

Why am I writing this I do not know, and I am sure my brain is working overtime on a problem that is impossible to solve.  It must be obvious to everyone that the mechanism will fail eventually.  When everything with meaning is valueless, worth nothing, and I do not mean land prices or superficial nonsense people class as worth, I mean humanity.  I mean when all things worth a true significance are lost, when people have only trash level stimulation as entertainment, without the ability to use their brains effectively.  I mean when they are all slaves to debt and to a worthless job, which gives no gratification, no joy, and no true purpose. 

We are close to the point of no return.

Fear can only contain the masses for so long.  

When the hypnotic lure of worthless, meaningless, crap that people call their lives finally breaks, what will happen then?  In the past the elites, always had plenty to take from the rest of the world.  It has been going on since the dawn of civilisation, but we have reached a point where there will be nothing left to take. 

What happens when they have it all?  When the chosen few have taken everything, stripped the carcass and left only the bare bones, when they have even sucked the marrow leaving only a hollow shell.  The masses will have no choice but to fight back or die, and the less they have, the more they have to gain from biting the master.  That is right we are nothing more than pets, working dogs, told what to do and when to do it.

We are heading down a road to oblivion, it may seem pessimistic to say this but we are.  We are in a terrible mess, locked in a derelict building ready for destruction and at this time, there is no way out.  Fire is burning all around us, red-hot flames scorch the walls, and the heat is rising faster than hell itself.  We are all horded in like animals ready for slaughter, packed in tight, so close we are unable to move, unable to breathe.  It is pitch black, no one can see, yet everyone fears the red glow of the fire.  Most stand there waiting there fate, some struggle to break free, but it is nearly impossible, and it only increases their anxiety, as the heat of flames starts to lightly burn the skin.  Outside we can hear them laughing, the elites, they are all laughing at us, because they think we are stupid.  We are foolish, how could they dupe us so easily.  Without anyone knowing, they have herded everyone, and I mean the whole world, they have pushed everyone into this great building and told us to stay there forever.  Be happy with nothing, and be grateful you are not dead; you owe us your lives and we will take them all, including your soul.  It has taken a long time to get everyone through the doors.  It will take no time for them to close and then for the building to collapse and obliterate everyone.

Yes, it is all doom and gloom again; well what else could one say.  It is a metaphorical paragraph of the world and most of its people, of you and me, of your friends and family.  How long can we stand to be in there?  Will we eventually work as one to smash through the heavy doors, and get out of the catastrophe that is about to befall our world.

A Sign

I saw a sign, a sign today,
It said please just go away,
For if you keep walking towards me,
Then in the end, you’ll lose your sanity,
The sign was large but only I could see it,
Flashing bright lights like a Broadway hit,
I tried to walk around but the route was long,
I tried to shout out but I lost my tongue,
I could not go forwards or to the side,
I could not go over or try to hide,
The only thing left was to go back to the start,
So with a big sigh and a weight in my heart,
I worked my way backwards to the beginning,
In the hope that the next path will end with me winning.

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Robot Wars

I saw on the Sky news a couple of days ago, a discussion regarding whether it should be acceptable or even allowed, for countries to create robot, killing machines.  I do not mean the present type of human controlled drones; they were discussing the Terminator type robot.  The man discussing this wanted an outright ban on ever trying to create Terminator type, robot, killing machines, and I have to agree with him.  The female Sky presenter was trying in vain to put forward the argument that there should at least be a discussion and that since at present we were not close to creating such a machine, what harm could it do.  She tried to argue that perhaps it would save lives and stop needless deaths of soldiers.  What a load of bollocks.

“Listen, and understand.  That terminator is out there.  It can't be bargained with.  It can't be reasoned with.  It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear.  And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.” – Kyle Reese

This is what might happen should one of the big weapons manufactures produce a viable Terminator.  Firstly, at present if the power situation was the same as today, an American company would probably be the first to produce a viable working Terminator, so the US armed forces would want it immediately.  In fact, I bet they are at present spending mega bucks trying to solve this problem before anyone else.  As with their drones, the US armed forces would be the main purchasers of the US version of the Terminator.  Obviously, America’s main allies would want some too, so Britain, of course we would need them, and whoever else the Americans deem worthy.  Perhaps countries with a less than savoury government might end up with some, I can think of a few of them.  The US would use them in the field against whomever they are pissed off with at the time, and then the whole world would see the effectiveness of Terminator US.

Immediately, the Chinese, Russians, and any other major force at the time would strive to create their versions.  The Germans, Japanese, perhaps even Britain would create a version of the robot, or even parts of a robot, and so initially, we would see a small arms race involving Terminator robots.  Every major power would want to create a quicker, stronger, more powerful, more intelligent Terminator Robot.  They might prove too expensive for one country so the allies might group together to create one and you can guess the rest.

Despots, dictators, and military juntas would use them against their own populations as crowd control.  Fewer soldiers may die once these metal beasts were unleashed on the world, but it would likely decimate civilian populations.

The less scrupulous nations might become a little cocky, and see an incursion against another country as viable, since no soldiers would be lost.  The Russians might take back countries like Chechnya, the Chinese might move on the Siamese peninsula.  North Korea attacks South Korea, war is now like a game of Risk.  Initially it all seems like a success, until someone gets greedy.

If you want to see it from the perspective of a business executive from a large weapons manufacturer – hey it’s now big business making Terminators, the more countries that have them the more profit they make.  Small wars become larger wars there are still few casualties and it might end in a peaceful settlement.  Everyone thinks this is the way to settle differences in the future, machine against machine. 

Unfortunately, nothing was lost or gained, and the whole point of war is either to gain something or not to lose something else.  It might be land, resources, power, influence, whatever it is, robots fighting robots is always likely to end in stalemate, unless one side has more robots than the other.  If one side has more, then the losing side is still going to have to use soldiers to continue the fight.  Perhaps robots, with the latest microchips would beat older models, and that is the deciding factor.  Eventually it would all lead to human deaths, and they would escalate.  Deaths to civilians would intensify, Terminators would only kill, they would have no empathy towards the human lives lost.  If a country sends in its legions of killing machines, I am sure their programming would not distinguish between human and killing machine.

Eventually the war would escalate as more and more of these Terminators are used, attacks on the countries supplying the machines would be next - the makers of body parts, the microchips, where would it all end.  Legions of metal killing machines start to parachute from the skies all across the world - no country is safe.  Terminator planes would destroy cities.  The only way to stop the madness is to turn to nuclear weapons, small yield tactical warheads powerful enough to take out the cities creating the Terminator machines.  Then all hell really breaks loose.

Yeah it’s a doom and gloom scenario, and perhaps we would see sense long before it got that bad and we would have to go through some kind of Terminator armistice.  However, why make them in the first place; it can only lead to one possible outcome – death.

Monday, 22 April 2013


I wish I had a better camera, but this will have to do.  I call this beginnings because it, well I don't really know, its an explosion of colour, it is beginning.

Thursday, 11 April 2013

The One World

Ah to be set free to dream,
Free from the shackles of doom and misery,
Free to gaze upon a new horizon,
At the dawn of a glorious sun,
See all that is open to you in this world,
Hope it will set you on the right path,
Move towards it and want it to be perfect,
Imagine the splendour it will create,
You are part of the awakening, part of the joy,
We are all beholding to its strength, as well as wisdom,
Perhaps one day it will illuminate the whole world,
Then cast away the shadows of grief,
Banish all hatred and pain,
If you believe it to be so,
Can you ever want for anything less,
When we face the greatest peril,
Then we will all rise up and stand tall,
And by the end it will be a triumphant celebration,
When we are one, together, for the whole world to love. 

Saturday, 30 March 2013

How to change the world - read it all, it could happen if we wanted it to.

It is still freezing cold in Britain and depending on which side of the climate change fence you sit on depends on what it all means.  On one side, we have the man-made global warming believer (it is wrong to think of them as climate change believers because everyone apart from a stupid idiot, believes the climate changes).  They think that because of man-made global warming (because that is what they believe) the ice is melting around the Arctic and this is causing the Jet Stream to change, making our winters longer and causing this month to be third coldest March on record.  I might add that we do not have long records on this fact, only since 1910.  1962 was the coldest I believe.  In their argument, Britain is the unluckiest country in the whole world, the only country to get colder because the world is getting warmer.  Well that seems plausible, I remember reading that as the temperatures started to rise, the Gulf Stream would fail and Northern Europe’s temperatures would drop significantly.  I gather the Gulf Stream or the flow of warm water coming up from the Equator, keeps Europe much warmer than it should be.  However, it is not the Gulf Stream this time; it is the Jet Stream moving southwards that is causing the bad weather.  I remember on an insightful documentary about the orbit of the Earth, they described how the Jet Stream is constantly moving, sometimes northwards, sometimes southwards, which causes Britain’s highly unpredictable weather. 

I read a comment saying this has to be because of global warming, and another said what about the two colder March’s, what were they down too.

On the other side of the climate fence, we have the sceptics, the ones who do not believe in global warming, or should I say man-made global warming.  I suppose they fall into many brackets and I bet that is why the global warming believers call them deniers, and categorise them as the same as holocaust deniers, and creationists.  It is always easier to demonise your opponent if you can attach them to an obviously stupid concept or theory.  You see, umm now I think about it I have lost my train of thought, and now I am wondering about another thing entirely.  There are different types of believers and sceptics, and the problem with the whole climate change argument is we only ever hear from the extremists on both sides.  I would imagine this is because they are the most likely to want to put their argument across.  They have the most to win and lose.  Personally, I believe the world is warming slowly and perhaps a small part of it is because of the pollution caused by man, but I do not believe in the tactics employed or the reasons for the warming.  Obviously, man has changed the climate; from agriculture to building cities, we are always changing the climate.  Does that mean we should go back to being hunter-gatherers?  We started to change the climate the day we went from hunter-gatherers to agricultural farmers, but we continued to progress.  I believe governments and large corporations, and the power brokers of the world are using it as a new form of control.  They have taken the loony tree huggers, sorry extreme environmentalist’s ideology and moulded it to their own agendas.  It is another way to force you and me to their will, to make us more subservient, and less likely to spoil their global sized game of Monopoly/Risk.

Thinking further, I wonder what would make the world right and what would right be.

If the world was right and right was 100%, right would mean we do not use fossil fuels for anything apart from none polluting means.  Right would mean we drive hydrogen-powered cars that only require a few gallons of water to run efficiently.  Of course, this would see the end of the dominance of the oil companies, their monopoly on the world would disappear.  Saudi Arabia would lose its political and religious power over the Middle East, and a multitude of tensions would decrease immediately across the world.  Yes, we are deceived into thinking that Iran and North Korea are the main stick pokers, but they are really just the distraction, part of the illusion. 

Right would mean we have fusion reactors giving us free energy, meaning we do not have high-energy costs for the consumer.  Imagine how horrifying it would sound for oil companies and energy companies if they heard the words, fusion works.  Right would mean the whole world had this free energy and everyone had clean water, electricity, as well as food to live.  This would begin the end of sweatshops and cheap labour.  Right would mean we have an infrastructure allowing the population of the world to enjoy descent living conditions, as well as specific human rights for all, in all countries across the world.  This would end poverty and destroy the slave labour now seen in the undeveloped, subjugated, or poorer parts of the world.  Imagine how happy a child would be if they did not have to work in a sweatshop making designer clothes for pennies.  Imagine how unhappy the large corporation would be.

Right would mean that conservation of the environment and the creation of human free zones, to allow nature to take its own course.  Human free zones would mean the environment was untouched or spoilt by humanity; this does not mean humanity could not explore and learn in these areas.  There are parts of the world we know are necessary for our survival that should stay unspoilt.  We know this, everyone knows the areas in question, but because of an insane concept of ownership of land, we do nothing about it.  National ownership of land is such a divisive concept nowadays; it is a medieval and primitive ideology, deeply engrained in us.  We allow this insanity and many others in our world because we feel it is more important to respect the rights of a nation, or a corporation, than the rights of a human or even the rights of the land itself.  This is not just for the animal’s sake but for ours as well. 

Right would see the end of popular party politics and the creation of a government not as a means to wield power and influence, but for the betterment of its region and the rest of the world.  When a government needs to win votes and collect large sums of money to gain those votes, then it is unlikely the outcome will lead to a descent society.  Right would mean we do not have war anywhere.  War is insane, war is now illogical, war causes misery and pain, and the only winners in war are the makers of war weapons.  Right would mean the end of forced control and subjugation of any human anywhere, no matter their race, creed, nationality or religion.  We have to learn how to trust our fellow man, it is not easy, we are hard wired not to trust, but a time will come when we will have to.  Right would mean all religions work in harmony for the benefit of humanity not the benefit of themselves.  Obviously, anyone who wants to be part of that religion will be able to practice their religious beliefs, as long as each religion does not try to force its ideas and doctrine onto others, especially the young.  Just because your parents are religious does not mean their children should be also.  They should have a non-religious upbringing, and if later, they decide to embrace religion then so be it, otherwise they should be able to live a normal life without fear of reprisal.  It is another insanity that we have religions that believe it is fine to kill someone if they leave that religion, or they banish you, so you never see your family again.  Or they force you to marry someone you hardly know.  Some even put the fear of god (pardon the pun) into you if you even think about leaving.  The problem with this from a religious point of view is that religion is designed to scare the living hell out of kids so they continue the religion.  Religion would disappear in a matter of generations if children were brought up without it.

Right would mean the creation of a new set of laws that we update constantly, that take into account the changes in understanding and rationale.  Old petty laws that have no bearing in reality at present would face abolishment.  Right would mean the right justice for criminal behaviour.  This is a difficult one, as I would suspect as society improves less crime would occur.  Most people do not want to be criminals, but as long as it is beneficial to be a criminal, we will have criminal behaviour.  When there is no benefit in becoming a criminal then why be one.  Obviously, some will not see the rationale behind this way of thinking; unfortunately, they will need controlling by humane means.  I hope that by the time we reach right, we will have thought of ways to change anti-social behaviour.  Psychopath’s spring to mind, but this is a mental illness, probably the worst kind for everyone including the psychopath.  How do we remove irrational anti-social behaviour without destroying what it is to be human, is a question that would need answering? 

Right would mean space travel to other planets, moons, asteroids, manned space stations, with everyone having the ability to travel into space if they want to.  Right would mean we would directly work towards creating ideas that benefit society without the need for useless consumerism.  Good ideas or theories have a chance to flourish even if there is no money.  The concept of, no there is not enough funding for a project would disappear. For this to work we would have to figure out how to create a society without the need for money, or find another type of work for reward policy.  Money worked as a concept for hundreds of years, but now it is making society worse instead of better.  Right would see humanity flourish, with billions of satisfied and predominately happy citizens, all working for the benefit of everyone.  This seems like a pipe dream, as we are not predisposed to be both satisfied and happy, but who knows, it may change when more of us are doing something we actually want to do.  Right would see a reduction in population, through natural means obviously.  I would suspect that once we create a descent society everywhere, populations would stabilise and probably drop marginally in some parts of the world.  It is a known fact; if our population continues to rise, we will have major food shortages, as well as other issues around the world. 

Right would not see a few greedy men owning all the wealth of the world.  At one time, a great man or woman shaped the world; he/she made it better.  Does this mean the ancestors who are nowhere near as great, should create a system where they get everything and everyone else gets nothing or very little.  They have too much everyone else has too little.  Right would see healthcare for all and no one should profit from ill health.  How evil and misguided are we that it is profitable to keep people sick and on medication.  Right would see the right treatment for the right reasons, including what we like to call alternative means.  Right would see the end of the concept of exponential growth as a means to determine the prosperity of the world.  We do not need to grow, to create more money to prosper, it is an illusion created by the way society works.  We know it is an illusion, yet we continue to follow it blindly.  Right would give every human the right to go anywhere and experience the beauty of our wonderful planet, if they so choose.  Even the human free zones, if everything was right we would have found a way to see the animals of the world, without spoiling their habitats and destroying their environment.  Right would see appropriate education for children, based on their abilities to learn.  Education would be fun and not designed around creating automatons that follow blindly, without thinking.  I would hope that over a few generations we would eventually figure a way out of the terrible insanities of the world.  Children have the ability to learn at such a fast rate, why we deliberately make it so unpleasant to learn new things. is illogical  Children as one song says are the future.  However, we destroy them before they reach puberty, and we finish them off by the time they reach automaton age, or should I say, work shitty job age.  That is if you live in the western world, it’s even worse if you are unfortunate enough to be born in a underdeveloped country or a one that has a despot as a leader, or a country that does not care for its citizens and just wants to bleed them dry.  We can only reach near to 100% when we change how children are educated, until this happens we are never going to change.  Until this happens, we will blindly continue to destroy our world, allowing insanity in all its manifestations across every part of society.  The way we teach children determines who we are and what we believe, it forms our structure and it is flawed.

If right was 100%, I suspect we are at 33%, roughly, we are two-thirds the way from right, perhaps.  Now I think about it we are probably at 25% of right.  We might never get to 100%, in fact it might not be good to reach that high, it might be better to get to 80%.  I suspect it is impossible for humanity to reach right, but would it not be great if we actually tried.
Well I went off track a bit there.  I was going to give another paragraph about climate sceptics, and blah de blah de blah.  What is the point, we are at 25%, and we have a long way to go.