It’s really strange when you think about it how the mind and all the fluctuating emotions, oscillating constantly in the strange environment of life. At least it is to me, my mind always feels like it is a wild stallion, uncontrolled, never likely to be broken in. It constantly fights against what it perceives as an incorrect vision of reality. That may sound a convoluted answered but it is how I see it at present. I feel fine or at least far better today than I have felt all week. I have felt basically weak and feeble since Monday, yet now I feel stronger and feel at least in part, some hope that I will succeed and not succumb to the scarier, more frightening parts of my creative imagination and the concepts it forces on me, as its perception of reality.
The thing I sometimes find hard to fathom and I suppose it is one of the main reasons I am ill, is that I find it sometimes difficult to realise that when many people see something as true and one person is against that truth then it is likely that the one will be seen as the abnormal. If you saw the sky as green instead of blue I suppose would be a simple version of this. Yet I feel my mind works like this against everyone else at times, and I need to understand this more.
I feel I am the one person that sees the sky as green, and so I think everyone else are the crazy ones, and it is hard to change my mind over this, because it is my mind, and my mind has decided that it must be correct.
Anyway that is how it feels at the moment.