Britain – 2020, an Island, a country, a haven for terrorists.
Yes look at your neighbour, are they acting suspicious, do they have shifty eyes? We can only see 99% of you through our CCTV cameras, 1% is out there doing god knows what, that is over 600,000 potential terrorists. We need to act, we need to increase security, we need to know what’s in your mind. Yes we will read your emails, check your webpages, but still this does not allow us to catch the most devious terrorists, criminals, paedophiles, or pirates. We need to delve deeper, right inside your mind; we need to know, before you know. We need to see into your subconscious, we need to see if you are even contemplating a criminal offense.
This is important to national security; it could be the difference between a free society and a despotic totalitarian one.
We need you to trust us; you have to believe we do this only for your protection, your safety, to make sure you can live happy, normal, lives, without any intrusion from criminal elements. We want a safe society for your children and your children’s children, where they can go about doing their worthwhile jobs helping to make Britain a better nation, a safer nation.
We do not want to see riots, we do not want to see protestors ruining our cities, we do not want to see the vileness of the internet corrupting our children. We want to see lambs jumping around a field, cub scouts singing camp fire songs, families enjoying national parks. And we will see it with our new range of Tree CCTV cameras.
To get this freedom takes sacrifice, hard decisions need to be enacted, and we have to root out the evil vile terrorist, the devious pervert, the conniving criminal. They are everywhere, they pollute all of our lives, every day they plot to overthrow freedom, they are in plane site yet also hidden. That is why we need to know everything about you and your family, your friends and your colleagues. We need to know how often you go to the toilet, it is important; information might be cleverly secreted inside excrement, poo could cause our doom. Breathing will also be monitored in the new scheme, this will of course help the world with its increasing CO2 problem, the deadly pollutant has to be reduced. Anyone breathing too often in a minute will be subject to a fine and eventually we will introduce a new taxation on breathing. We will eventually bring out a gas tax, which will include farting as well.
We understand under the new laws, things may take time to adjust and we apologise in advance for anyone wrongly accused of a potential crime, but think of the cost if we did nothing. Think how much money will be saved by breathing less, farting less, and thinking less.
If you think it... we will stop it.