When I feel as I feel now, I wish I could bottle it, and then be able to drink its wonderful medicine. I wish it was that simple, I wish it was that easy, if it was that easy, how much better my life would be. Unfortunately it is fleeting, without knowing it, I sense it is increasing, the more I put my feelings, my issues, my rights and wrongs, my failings, my mind and soul into words. The more I do this, the more I feel a sense of worthiness; a sense I may eventually feel I have achieved something, beyond my ridiculous and insurmountable goals. I hope that I can one day feel I have matched what my warped mind expects, and classifies as success. Who knows, but it is definitely pointing me in the right direction, at least at the moment it is. I have to continue to think positively, to continue to believe I am on the right track. My mind plays awful tricks on me at times, deluding me I am better than I really am, making me believe in the blink of an eye I can switch it on or off. Yet in these wonderful moments of clarity, I know this is false, I know it is my mechanism to cope with my life. And I thank it for that, but eventually I will have to address the deepest problems, and face up to what it is that holds me back. It scares me to death, I don’t know if I will be able to do this at times. It fills me with dread, and foreboding. Can I do this? Can I eventually banish the final barriers, the final shields, the final defence mechanism? I hope I can, I have to believe I can. The light is dim, but there is a light, and that light will save me.