I feel light today, incandescent, luminescent, a radiant bloom of youthful joy, umm like apple crumble and custard. I wish this was a feeling I could have more often, where did it come from? It is a new feeling, a warm feeling on a cold and gloomy day. I woke up at some ridiculous time this morning it was nearer to midnight than it was to dawn, it was early and I had a terrible sore throat, it had been getting worse for a few days. A friend said there was a bout of something called white throat, I think that is what he said. People had sore throats with white spots at the back of the throat. My mind imagined these white pustules, filling the back of my throat as I lay there, with each swallow; I sensed razors slicing slowly across these white furuncles.
I decided to try something, I had recently added some hypnosis tracks to my IPod, they were my attempt to try and sleep, I had tried many other methods and now I was at the hypnosis stage. One of the tracks I noticed was a healing track, and so I listened to it intently, it slowly lulled me into a trance, and I went deeper and deeper, and into a garden, and down some stairs, deeper and deeper I went. In front of me was a great hall, and a healing room. I entered the healing room, and lay and the marble bench. Above was pure white light, and around me many crystals, I chose some crystals and created a spectrum of light. The track said choose, a golden colour for the heart, and a green colour for the joints, and I chose a blue colour for my throat, and red for my mind. I felt a wave of enlightened warmth fill me, I felt it in all the places I imagined the light to go to, I willed myself to firmly believe the light was working to heal me to take away my sore throat.
Now some 8 hours later, I have no sore throat, I have no tennis elbow either, which has been giving me jip was months. And my knees feel great too.
Now the question is was it the hypnosis, or was it my mind? Or was it a mixture of the two, the hypnosis unleashed the potential of the mind to heal the body. Wow wish it worked like that all the time, then again I will try tomorrow something else and see if that works. It doesn’t work with sleep though now I know it does work it may work with sleep, that is how weird the mind is or at least my mind.
Sunday 31 October 2010
How to Create Artificial Gravity in Space
Before I write this, I want to assure people that this is just a flight of fancy, wild imagination, and in no way based on any knowledge of the science behind how this may work. It was thought of as an aid to constructing the concept of artificial gravity, for My Universe. I have hummed and hawed about whether I should add it as pure imagination, but I have just found it written in one of my note pads, so here it is.
How to create artificial gravity in space
To create artificial gravity involves basic deception, you have to deceive the brain of the human and the brain of the spaceship or station. Start by creating a virtual centre of gravity for the space station or ship, like a weight on the end of a crane, outside the space station, ship etc. Once established, change the air pressure inside the spaceship, station, object, or whatever, so that it is also a virtual representation of Earth’s ground pressure. Once the two are in unison, force the air in the direction of the centre of gravity. Add a weak magnetic field to the floors and make sure it attracts any object above it.
When I thought of this, it was to help me with my book (no never, you will say). Yes I theorised this concept so I had a plausible (at least in my mind) way to create artificial gravity. Even though I know it is not likely to work, well let’s say the probability of winning the lottery is more likely than my artificial gravity idea being correct. But I was chuffed with the idea.
How to create artificial gravity in space
To create artificial gravity involves basic deception, you have to deceive the brain of the human and the brain of the spaceship or station. Start by creating a virtual centre of gravity for the space station or ship, like a weight on the end of a crane, outside the space station, ship etc. Once established, change the air pressure inside the spaceship, station, object, or whatever, so that it is also a virtual representation of Earth’s ground pressure. Once the two are in unison, force the air in the direction of the centre of gravity. Add a weak magnetic field to the floors and make sure it attracts any object above it.
When I thought of this, it was to help me with my book (no never, you will say). Yes I theorised this concept so I had a plausible (at least in my mind) way to create artificial gravity. Even though I know it is not likely to work, well let’s say the probability of winning the lottery is more likely than my artificial gravity idea being correct. But I was chuffed with the idea.
Halloween Night
Well I may have written about the clocks going back but I totally forgot about it. I have been clanging around for a good 90 minutes not realising it was still the middle of the night. Oh well I have written this poem for Halloween. Another one of those celebrations I found totally useless, in the near past. I was a grumpy, miserable, sod wasn't I?
It was Halloween night,
She was alone in the house,
When she heard a strange noise,
Which she thought was a mouse,
Feeling so scared,
She rose out my bed,
And scratching her head,
She went to the door.
As she opened it slightly,
And peered through the slither,
Her eyes wide open brightly,
She started to quiver,
The corridor creaked,
As she tiptoed it squeaked,
And then she did shriek,
What was that strange light?
Her heart started racing,
The light danced on the wall,
What could she be facing?
As it entered the hall,
It made a strange sound,
And started to bound,
She froze to the ground,
ARRGGH it did shudder.
She ran scared to death,
Sweat poured from her brow,
She was all out of breath,
As she shouted out loud,
Beat, beat went her heart,
As she ran like a dart,
Then looked round with a start,
Oh damn you, it was her brother.
It was Halloween night,
She was alone in the house,
When she heard a strange noise,
Which she thought was a mouse,
Feeling so scared,
She rose out my bed,
And scratching her head,
She went to the door.
As she opened it slightly,
And peered through the slither,
Her eyes wide open brightly,
She started to quiver,
The corridor creaked,
As she tiptoed it squeaked,
And then she did shriek,
What was that strange light?
Her heart started racing,
The light danced on the wall,
What could she be facing?
As it entered the hall,
It made a strange sound,
And started to bound,
She froze to the ground,
ARRGGH it did shudder.
She ran scared to death,
Sweat poured from her brow,
She was all out of breath,
As she shouted out loud,
Beat, beat went her heart,
As she ran like a dart,
Then looked round with a start,
Oh damn you, it was her brother.
Saturday 30 October 2010
Descended from Africa
Thinking further on the notion we are all descended from a few thousand humans from East Africa, it is hard to imagine such an instance. So everyone else around the world, I don’t know how many human settlements existed before 75,000 years ago; but none of them survived. You would think if it was of a super volcano in Sumatra, that the people living on the west coast of Africa would have a better chance of survival than the ones on the east. Unless Sumatra was tectonically speaking in a different place back then, were the continents far different, I am not sure? I presume we had not travelled far around the globe either, because you would expect if people lived in the Americas they would have survived, and in Europe. What if somewhere, there are people with DNA slightly different and not originally from the East African; cradle of humanity? If their numbers were few, they have probably been swallowed up by the billions of us descendants of Africa. It might make a cool story though, they may have special powers, and you could make some kind of superhero based on it.
In the farthest depths of northern Europe a tribe unlike any other was found, they had powers unknown to the rest of humanity, and their DNA did not originate from Africa. They were an elusive breed, similar to a human being but also different. They had survived the power of Toba, and lived in isolation for many millennia. Now the race of different humans, the neo-humans have decided to show themselves and to rule the world – AH HA HA HA HAAA!!!
We are the Numans, prepare to be enslaved!!!
In the farthest depths of northern Europe a tribe unlike any other was found, they had powers unknown to the rest of humanity, and their DNA did not originate from Africa. They were an elusive breed, similar to a human being but also different. They had survived the power of Toba, and lived in isolation for many millennia. Now the race of different humans, the neo-humans have decided to show themselves and to rule the world – AH HA HA HA HAAA!!!
We are the Numans, prepare to be enslaved!!!
I have found more wise words of advice for my list; they were tucked away on another page. I have also reread the list and found some of the statements are similar, or of similar type. This is mainly due to the fact I did not change the list from its original writing on my notepad. It also only took about an hour to compile, it was one of those moments where pure thought and direct access into the subconscious occurs. The writing flows without any conscious thinking, it just happens, like being in a trance.
91. Measure success on your own merits and never measure yourself against others, it is counterproductive. Only try to better yourself and be yourself, do not try to compare with someone else.
92. Do not make decisions without the full facts; you may be missing that vital clue.
93. Overconfidence is dangerous, never underestimate anything, or overestimate your own abilities.
94. Never speculate unless you have no choice, and if you have to do this, make sure you use the knowledge of past experiences to help.
95. Do not dwell on the past, learn from it. Learn the positives and avoid repeating the negatives. Remember your past made you who you are today, whether you like it or not.
96. Prejudice is divisive and serves no purpose. Divided we fall, together we succeed.
97. Not everyone is a good decent human; learn from past experiences and information, on how to recognise bad/destructive/negative people. Evil selfish people are everywhere.
98. Gain greater understanding of timing.
99. Learn to recognise your instinctive senses, but do not automatically trust them. If you have a sixth sense about something, test out the assumption before using it. If it cannot be verified it cannot be trusted.
100. Life is short, enjoy it.
91. Measure success on your own merits and never measure yourself against others, it is counterproductive. Only try to better yourself and be yourself, do not try to compare with someone else.
92. Do not make decisions without the full facts; you may be missing that vital clue.
93. Overconfidence is dangerous, never underestimate anything, or overestimate your own abilities.
94. Never speculate unless you have no choice, and if you have to do this, make sure you use the knowledge of past experiences to help.
95. Do not dwell on the past, learn from it. Learn the positives and avoid repeating the negatives. Remember your past made you who you are today, whether you like it or not.
96. Prejudice is divisive and serves no purpose. Divided we fall, together we succeed.
97. Not everyone is a good decent human; learn from past experiences and information, on how to recognise bad/destructive/negative people. Evil selfish people are everywhere.
98. Gain greater understanding of timing.
99. Learn to recognise your instinctive senses, but do not automatically trust them. If you have a sixth sense about something, test out the assumption before using it. If it cannot be verified it cannot be trusted.
100. Life is short, enjoy it.
The List
It is early I have been awake for quite a while, it is still dark outside, the quiet depths of the night are still all around. I have found a list of things I felt would be important, I wrote the list when I thought I was happy or on the right track. It would be the last time I was deluded into thinking I was happy, around May/June 09. The nightmare was about to take its hold on me and I spiralled very quickly into despair. I wish now I would have written this in type and then had my blog to add it to, as some of the thoughts would have been helpful. I will write out the full list as it is and then we will see how happy I really was. The weird thing is I know this stuff well enough to write it, but I don’t have the foresight to use it. Or I am not clever enough to action it, some of the stuff is obvious, some is probably rubbish. I know I have borrowed ideas and concepts from others to make this list, and that it is not all my creativity. But the list was to help me, unfortunately it did not at the time. Oh one other thing the list is not in any order, it is just the way I read the pages, as I was using the only blank pages I could find in that notepad.
1. Learn to recognise value and worth.
2. Know when you are wrong and learn from it.
3. Learn to off load deadweight and potential blocks of emotional weakness.
4. Recognise when to use good ideas or concepts, trying to fit a good idea into the wrong situation never works. Understand this and remove it and use at a more appropriate time, it may be useful then.
5. Exercise your mind and try to think of ways to improve both consciously and subconsciously.
6. Never sit back and gloat.
7. Wake up and notice things, everything.
8. Always treat a stranger like you would treat a friend; never try to see people differently.
9. Humans have the amazing ability to learn to like things quickly, even if they don’t initially. Through evolution we now can quickly adapt to a new something; whether it be environment, food, culture, information at rapid speed, know this.
10. Learn to understand and recognise your natural talents, everyone is naturally gifted at something, but most people either neglect it or do not know they have it. They use it for negative reasons or for reasons they are unaware of.
11. Figure out your natural talents and use the positive feelings and energies to help improve the aspects of yourself you are not good at.
12. Do not blindly believe or follow bad information or communications, understand most of what we know is either misunderstood, incorrect, altered, speculation, or enhancement. And what we think is correct can likely be improved on.
13. Everyone has the ability to improve and better themselves. Learn to gain pleasure from the small improvements, as lots of small improvements make a large improvement.
14. Never kiss ass!
15. Don’t deceive yourself or others.
16. Compliment people especially women, and make people feel special. They will feel better and so will you. Do not do this for gain though, do it because it is natural to be pleasant.
17. Don’t let problems fester (I wish listened to this one).
18. Try to not put too much unnecessary pressure on yourself. You can push yourself, without it becoming high pressure and stressful. Although many situations provide extreme pressure, make sure you release it, as it shortens mental effectiveness.
19. Have a purpose in life. If you don’t figure one out, life is shorter without a purpose.
20. Know you are special and try to tell yourself that.
21. Never become obsessed, with goals/objects/people or persons.
22. Think for yourself, draw your own conclusions, and don’t take someone else’s word.
23. Try not to be gullible or cynical, try to recognise truth, from the clues presented to you.
24. Feel peace and joy.
25. Try to not be a Marty McFly from ‘Back to the Future’.
26. If you are given advice, do not immediately accept or dismiss it. Take your time to judge it on its merits, and its usefulness and compatibility to what you know at the time. If it helps use, it is doesn’t discard.
27. You can remove bad habits by focusing on good habits.
28. No one tells the truth all the time, remember that.
29. People will lie for their benefit, remember that also.
30. Be wise.
31. If you think you will fail, then you will fail.
32. Nothing is easy, if it is, then you are ready for the next step, or you are not doing it right.
33. Do not feel sorry for yourself.
34. Learn to recognise all benefits, including the indirect ones. You can do something for no benefit but the consequences of that good turn, gain you a benefit larger than you imagined.
35. Learn something from everything you do.
36. Learn how to handle negative emotions.
37. Do not be disheartened when you experience a lull, or a dip in performance or luck.
38. Learn from and realise why you make mistakes.
39. Do not make the same mistake twice.
40. Learn about human instincts, behaviours and psychology.
41. Recognise and avoid bad/disruptive/negative people. They only want to ruin your life and others.
42. Know who you can trust.
43. Know also that someone you trust may not trust you.
44. And that someone you trust, you might be wrong about.
45. Practice constantly to improve things you want to improve.
46. Train your brain continuously.
47. Test yourself always.
48. Learn from successful people.
49. Learn from History.
50. Read everything thoroughly.
51. Learn new things always.
52. Try to be different and not follow the crowd.
53. Try to not focus on money; instead focus on what you would do with the money.
54. Try to not be selfish, but also do not be selfless.
55. Always praise goodness, and encourage everyone.
56. Know your fears and learn to control them.
57. Rest, relax, exercise and learn.
58. Understand boredom and how to never be bored.
59. Know time management and how to prioritise.
60. Focus on one thing at a time.
61. Try to understand the other person’s point of view.
62. Realise everyone is different and the same.
63. Be sincere and truthful.
64. Have honour and respect for yourself and your fellow man.
65. Learn to control the voice inside your head.
66. You have to want to improve yourself.
67. Be honest with yourself and others.
68. Understand your strengths and weaknesses.
69. Try to be positive always.
70. Gain strength from others; learn their good points especially from high achievers.
71. Learn to recognise negativity, the doom sayers, telling you, you will fail.
72. Focus.
73. Concentrate.
74. Believe in yourself 100%
75. Have goals, lots of goals.
76. Have large goals to work towards.
77. Have smaller goals, which will build up to the larger goals.
78. Show enthusiasm in everything you do.
79. Be aware notice things.
80. Always show respect to everyone you meet.
81. Use commonsense.
82. Question everything.
83. Ask lots of questions.
84. Never give up.
85. Listen.
86. Use affirmations and positive thinking to improve.
87. Always be true to yourself.
88. Try to recognise bad advice and avoid.
89. Try to recognise good advice and opportunities.
90. Know when to say no.
1. Learn to recognise value and worth.
2. Know when you are wrong and learn from it.
3. Learn to off load deadweight and potential blocks of emotional weakness.
4. Recognise when to use good ideas or concepts, trying to fit a good idea into the wrong situation never works. Understand this and remove it and use at a more appropriate time, it may be useful then.
5. Exercise your mind and try to think of ways to improve both consciously and subconsciously.
6. Never sit back and gloat.
7. Wake up and notice things, everything.
8. Always treat a stranger like you would treat a friend; never try to see people differently.
9. Humans have the amazing ability to learn to like things quickly, even if they don’t initially. Through evolution we now can quickly adapt to a new something; whether it be environment, food, culture, information at rapid speed, know this.
10. Learn to understand and recognise your natural talents, everyone is naturally gifted at something, but most people either neglect it or do not know they have it. They use it for negative reasons or for reasons they are unaware of.
11. Figure out your natural talents and use the positive feelings and energies to help improve the aspects of yourself you are not good at.
12. Do not blindly believe or follow bad information or communications, understand most of what we know is either misunderstood, incorrect, altered, speculation, or enhancement. And what we think is correct can likely be improved on.
13. Everyone has the ability to improve and better themselves. Learn to gain pleasure from the small improvements, as lots of small improvements make a large improvement.
14. Never kiss ass!
15. Don’t deceive yourself or others.
16. Compliment people especially women, and make people feel special. They will feel better and so will you. Do not do this for gain though, do it because it is natural to be pleasant.
17. Don’t let problems fester (I wish listened to this one).
18. Try to not put too much unnecessary pressure on yourself. You can push yourself, without it becoming high pressure and stressful. Although many situations provide extreme pressure, make sure you release it, as it shortens mental effectiveness.
19. Have a purpose in life. If you don’t figure one out, life is shorter without a purpose.
20. Know you are special and try to tell yourself that.
21. Never become obsessed, with goals/objects/people or persons.
22. Think for yourself, draw your own conclusions, and don’t take someone else’s word.
23. Try not to be gullible or cynical, try to recognise truth, from the clues presented to you.
24. Feel peace and joy.
25. Try to not be a Marty McFly from ‘Back to the Future’.
26. If you are given advice, do not immediately accept or dismiss it. Take your time to judge it on its merits, and its usefulness and compatibility to what you know at the time. If it helps use, it is doesn’t discard.
27. You can remove bad habits by focusing on good habits.
28. No one tells the truth all the time, remember that.
29. People will lie for their benefit, remember that also.
30. Be wise.
31. If you think you will fail, then you will fail.
32. Nothing is easy, if it is, then you are ready for the next step, or you are not doing it right.
33. Do not feel sorry for yourself.
34. Learn to recognise all benefits, including the indirect ones. You can do something for no benefit but the consequences of that good turn, gain you a benefit larger than you imagined.
35. Learn something from everything you do.
36. Learn how to handle negative emotions.
37. Do not be disheartened when you experience a lull, or a dip in performance or luck.
38. Learn from and realise why you make mistakes.
39. Do not make the same mistake twice.
40. Learn about human instincts, behaviours and psychology.
41. Recognise and avoid bad/disruptive/negative people. They only want to ruin your life and others.
42. Know who you can trust.
43. Know also that someone you trust may not trust you.
44. And that someone you trust, you might be wrong about.
45. Practice constantly to improve things you want to improve.
46. Train your brain continuously.
47. Test yourself always.
48. Learn from successful people.
49. Learn from History.
50. Read everything thoroughly.
51. Learn new things always.
52. Try to be different and not follow the crowd.
53. Try to not focus on money; instead focus on what you would do with the money.
54. Try to not be selfish, but also do not be selfless.
55. Always praise goodness, and encourage everyone.
56. Know your fears and learn to control them.
57. Rest, relax, exercise and learn.
58. Understand boredom and how to never be bored.
59. Know time management and how to prioritise.
60. Focus on one thing at a time.
61. Try to understand the other person’s point of view.
62. Realise everyone is different and the same.
63. Be sincere and truthful.
64. Have honour and respect for yourself and your fellow man.
65. Learn to control the voice inside your head.
66. You have to want to improve yourself.
67. Be honest with yourself and others.
68. Understand your strengths and weaknesses.
69. Try to be positive always.
70. Gain strength from others; learn their good points especially from high achievers.
71. Learn to recognise negativity, the doom sayers, telling you, you will fail.
72. Focus.
73. Concentrate.
74. Believe in yourself 100%
75. Have goals, lots of goals.
76. Have large goals to work towards.
77. Have smaller goals, which will build up to the larger goals.
78. Show enthusiasm in everything you do.
79. Be aware notice things.
80. Always show respect to everyone you meet.
81. Use commonsense.
82. Question everything.
83. Ask lots of questions.
84. Never give up.
85. Listen.
86. Use affirmations and positive thinking to improve.
87. Always be true to yourself.
88. Try to recognise bad advice and avoid.
89. Try to recognise good advice and opportunities.
90. Know when to say no.
Friday 29 October 2010
UnKnown
Life is the anxious thought of the Universe,
Compelling, complex, unknowable,
Entwining itself around every possibility,
Persuading the last remnants to continue.
Compelling, complex, unknowable,
Entwining itself around every possibility,
Persuading the last remnants to continue.
Me
I write from the heart, for the heart is the life giver,
I imagine with my brain, and that helps me survive,
I create with my mind, putting the portions together,
I desire from my soul, the feeling of love,
I work with my body, keeping me healthy,
I accentuate my senses, to understand truth,
All this together they make me a human,
All working in tandem, looking for peace.
I imagine with my brain, and that helps me survive,
I create with my mind, putting the portions together,
I desire from my soul, the feeling of love,
I work with my body, keeping me healthy,
I accentuate my senses, to understand truth,
All this together they make me a human,
All working in tandem, looking for peace.
Thursday 28 October 2010
Senses
My eyes do see the world in all its splendour,
The blueness of the sky,
The greenness of the trees,
The golden yellow of the sun,
The clear crispness of the breeze.
My ears do hear the worldly subtle sounds,
The birds a singing,
The barking dogs,
The chatter of humanity,
The water from streams trickling against the rocks.
My mouth does taste the delicious recipe,
The finest wines,
The freshest produce,
The succulent fruits,
The sweetest most heavenly desserts.
My nose does smell the scent of Earth,
Fish and chips,
Baking bread,
The sweat of life,
The sensual fragrance of perfume.
The body does feel the touch of life,
The stroke of soft fur,
The caress of a gentle face,
Emotional sensitivities,
The longing embrace of love.
The blueness of the sky,
The greenness of the trees,
The golden yellow of the sun,
The clear crispness of the breeze.
My ears do hear the worldly subtle sounds,
The birds a singing,
The barking dogs,
The chatter of humanity,
The water from streams trickling against the rocks.
My mouth does taste the delicious recipe,
The finest wines,
The freshest produce,
The succulent fruits,
The sweetest most heavenly desserts.
My nose does smell the scent of Earth,
Fish and chips,
Baking bread,
The sweat of life,
The sensual fragrance of perfume.
The body does feel the touch of life,
The stroke of soft fur,
The caress of a gentle face,
Emotional sensitivities,
The longing embrace of love.
Wednesday 27 October 2010
We Feel Fine
On the weekend I noticed one of the Traffic Sources accessing my blog was from www.wefeelfine.org. Since it looked like a sort of self help site I decided to take a gander. It is quite an unusual site, it trawls across the various Internet blogging sites, myspace etc etc, to find the words 'I feel', and then adds it to the database. You can read the different thoughts of the world, I recommend people to take a look, I found it fascinating.
Tuesday 26 October 2010
Life, Change and Who Controls it
I decided long ago I wanted to change my life; the problem was at the time I did not know what I wanted to change it to. I now feel I am capable of making those decisions at least the one about what I want to do. I want to change it for the better. Ah that is a naff reason you may say. Well it is until you look at the alternatives, if you are specific about what you want to change to, then you are more likely to be disappointed. Similarly, if you are generalistic about a subject without having an emotional outcome then you are selling yourself short. Emotional return seems to be the best solution to changing one’s life. Yet you could say that emotions are fleeting, and ever changing in themselves, especially my emotions, so you cannot be specific about the goal or the emotion you want to achieve or change or gain, from setting that life changing goal.
The only thing left is to look at the problem as a challenge, and the vision behind the challenge is to improve yourself in whatever way you find applicable at the time. If you are too specific; you may get bogged down, especially if you realise the goal you thought you wanted. You felt it was the best thing ever, when deciding to change whatever part of your life you wanted to change. Suddenly becomes less important for whatever reason, then you are stuck in a quandary, do you change and let your subconscious believe you are a quitter, and this idea of quitting can quickly grow into something far worse. Or do you stick at it through hell or high water, and eventually resent the decision and wish you had not been so determined or stubborn.
There are many examples of this happening, but I am not going to mention them, so after waffling a while and learning the hard way, by being placed in the various dilemmas and situations outlined above. I now know the only way to go, is to want to better yourself and your chosen life changing feat or goal, whatever the feat or goal maybe, and if it changes, as it probably will, it does not detract from the feat or goal itself, which is and always will be; to change one’s life for the better.
The only thing left is to look at the problem as a challenge, and the vision behind the challenge is to improve yourself in whatever way you find applicable at the time. If you are too specific; you may get bogged down, especially if you realise the goal you thought you wanted. You felt it was the best thing ever, when deciding to change whatever part of your life you wanted to change. Suddenly becomes less important for whatever reason, then you are stuck in a quandary, do you change and let your subconscious believe you are a quitter, and this idea of quitting can quickly grow into something far worse. Or do you stick at it through hell or high water, and eventually resent the decision and wish you had not been so determined or stubborn.
There are many examples of this happening, but I am not going to mention them, so after waffling a while and learning the hard way, by being placed in the various dilemmas and situations outlined above. I now know the only way to go, is to want to better yourself and your chosen life changing feat or goal, whatever the feat or goal maybe, and if it changes, as it probably will, it does not detract from the feat or goal itself, which is and always will be; to change one’s life for the better.
The Day You Hope
Another one line, after another game of squash, put key in the door and there it was... The day the child inside you dies. I am very morbid at times, but it seems much easier to write poems about dying or death or the imminent arrival of death. Death is not a morbid or depressing topic to me, you see I believe we will carry on, how I haven't a clue, I doubt we'll see any angels, cherubs, god or the pearly gates, but anything is possible I suppose.
The day the child inside you dies,
The day you laugh no more,
The day you feel that selfish pity,
The day you start to slow.
The day you want to day to end,
The day you say goodbye,
The day you sense no more tears,
The day you want to cry.
You hope that day is long away,
You hope it will never come,
You hope and hope your life is young,
You hope for peace and freedom.
You hope when finally you reach the end,
You hope you will have some dignity,
You hope that you have been well loved,
You hope no one will pity.
The day the child inside you dies,
The day you laugh no more,
The day you feel that selfish pity,
The day you start to slow.
The day you want to day to end,
The day you say goodbye,
The day you sense no more tears,
The day you want to cry.
You hope that day is long away,
You hope it will never come,
You hope and hope your life is young,
You hope for peace and freedom.
You hope when finally you reach the end,
You hope you will have some dignity,
You hope that you have been well loved,
You hope no one will pity.
Monday 25 October 2010
My Favourite Painting - The Four Elements
Sunday 24 October 2010
Crop Circles – What’s it all about?
I admit to being quite gullible at times, definitely more gullible in the past before maturity, commonsense and an air of cynicism entered my life. I freely admit that when I was younger mysterious, conspiracy type stuff intrigued me. Though as I have said most conspiracies I find unlikely or not possible, and this is what I thought of crop circles. A load of strange people running around fields creating weird geometric patterns.
Then I watched a documentary which went into more detail, it outlined the supposed differences between man-made crop circles and real ones. It was incredibly thorough, and I thought umm maybe there is some truth, because you have to admit, some of them are spectacular. What created them if not man? Since I have to believe, because it is the most logical answer; that man created them for whatever reason. The question has to be asked why?
Now if you are not familiar with the crop circle phenomena, it started in the south of England, when I don’t know and became very popular in the 80’s and 90’s. They mysteriously spread around the world, and have been seen in Mexico, and the US.
It is said that real crop circles have certain characteristics that man-made ones do not have, strange anomalies like exploded plant stem nodes, and high levels of tiny iron microspheres, as well as intricate interwoven stems. It all seems strange and paranormal doesn’t it?
I don’t know to be honest, it seems a weird way to live your life, to go around fields after dark creating patterns of such amazing complexity, and then not take credit for it. Why anyone would wake up one morning and go, I know I’ll get my mates together and we will go make a crop circle. Maybe one or two groups might decide to do this but clearly there are many around the world. Then again human beings are incredibly strange and do the weirdest things for self gratification. Mind I can think of far better ways to get my jollies than standing in a field all night patting down wheat. Do they have jobs, or do these circles pop up on weekends after the pubs close?
It’s a strange one, my more mature, cynical self says it’s a big hoax, that some people get pleasure from performing, and my older more gullible side would love to think there is a more spiritual path to it all. In some way another dimension trying to communicate through geometry, wouldn’t that be nice.
Then I watched a documentary which went into more detail, it outlined the supposed differences between man-made crop circles and real ones. It was incredibly thorough, and I thought umm maybe there is some truth, because you have to admit, some of them are spectacular. What created them if not man? Since I have to believe, because it is the most logical answer; that man created them for whatever reason. The question has to be asked why?
Now if you are not familiar with the crop circle phenomena, it started in the south of England, when I don’t know and became very popular in the 80’s and 90’s. They mysteriously spread around the world, and have been seen in Mexico, and the US.
It is said that real crop circles have certain characteristics that man-made ones do not have, strange anomalies like exploded plant stem nodes, and high levels of tiny iron microspheres, as well as intricate interwoven stems. It all seems strange and paranormal doesn’t it?
I don’t know to be honest, it seems a weird way to live your life, to go around fields after dark creating patterns of such amazing complexity, and then not take credit for it. Why anyone would wake up one morning and go, I know I’ll get my mates together and we will go make a crop circle. Maybe one or two groups might decide to do this but clearly there are many around the world. Then again human beings are incredibly strange and do the weirdest things for self gratification. Mind I can think of far better ways to get my jollies than standing in a field all night patting down wheat. Do they have jobs, or do these circles pop up on weekends after the pubs close?
It’s a strange one, my more mature, cynical self says it’s a big hoax, that some people get pleasure from performing, and my older more gullible side would love to think there is a more spiritual path to it all. In some way another dimension trying to communicate through geometry, wouldn’t that be nice.
Painting
Some years ago, I decided out of the blue, I wanted to paint, I thought it would help my creativity, and help me to focus. I was not bad at art in school, thought not good with oil paints. I concentrated more on pastels; they were less messy and not as finicky.
My first attempt turned into a self portrait, a profile image of me, not great but I thought umm not too bad for my first effort. The painting below was my second attempt, I suddenly realised I wasn’t bad at painting at least good enough for me in my efforts to improve creativity and focus. I decided not to worry about what I painted, I liked colour and wanted to experiment with just adding colour to the canvas and see what may come of it. As I have said before some were dreadful some ok, some good. Eventually I did an exceptional piece, in my mind at least. I was so impressed it ended up hanging in reception at work. I loved that painting it was something I never thought I could create, then I had my breakdown and I without thinking allowed my favourite painting to be sold in an auction for charity. I didn’t mind that, but I was disappointed at the amount of money they raised. But now I look back on it, and think well, they raised money for charity and not a small some but not a large one. And someone actually wanted to buy it; I wasn’t good at thinking that way last year, when I was in my darkest hour. Most of my good painting I have given away and many hang on friends walls; at least I hope they still do. I have also painted a few specifically for friends, and they were overjoyed with my creations, it makes you feel good when you create something and another person appreciates it. I have never asked for any money for my paintings since I doubt I would paint as well at least that is how I felt at the time.
I am digressing again, I have now reasoned that if my writing can improve and become easier by adding it to my blog. Maybe my painting will also, since I have not been able to paint often since last year, every time I try, I lose interest. I find I need to be in the right frame of mind to paint I cannot force it, artistic creativity does not switch on and off when I feel like it.
The painting I am adding does not have a name, at least I don’t think I named it, a friend said it showed my disturbed mind. But now I think about it, maybe it shows his disturbed mind since I concentrate on the sun and must of have concentrated on the rough sea.
Who knows?
My first attempt turned into a self portrait, a profile image of me, not great but I thought umm not too bad for my first effort. The painting below was my second attempt, I suddenly realised I wasn’t bad at painting at least good enough for me in my efforts to improve creativity and focus. I decided not to worry about what I painted, I liked colour and wanted to experiment with just adding colour to the canvas and see what may come of it. As I have said before some were dreadful some ok, some good. Eventually I did an exceptional piece, in my mind at least. I was so impressed it ended up hanging in reception at work. I loved that painting it was something I never thought I could create, then I had my breakdown and I without thinking allowed my favourite painting to be sold in an auction for charity. I didn’t mind that, but I was disappointed at the amount of money they raised. But now I look back on it, and think well, they raised money for charity and not a small some but not a large one. And someone actually wanted to buy it; I wasn’t good at thinking that way last year, when I was in my darkest hour. Most of my good painting I have given away and many hang on friends walls; at least I hope they still do. I have also painted a few specifically for friends, and they were overjoyed with my creations, it makes you feel good when you create something and another person appreciates it. I have never asked for any money for my paintings since I doubt I would paint as well at least that is how I felt at the time.
I am digressing again, I have now reasoned that if my writing can improve and become easier by adding it to my blog. Maybe my painting will also, since I have not been able to paint often since last year, every time I try, I lose interest. I find I need to be in the right frame of mind to paint I cannot force it, artistic creativity does not switch on and off when I feel like it.
The painting I am adding does not have a name, at least I don’t think I named it, a friend said it showed my disturbed mind. But now I think about it, maybe it shows his disturbed mind since I concentrate on the sun and must of have concentrated on the rough sea.
Who knows?
Breakdown the Borders, End the Divisions
A few years ago when I was more nationalistic and thought like many others that the alarming rise of illegal immigrants was going to cause problems in Britain, a friend, said to why should it matter. Anyone should be able to go where they choose, why should anyone be restricted?
Now years on, I know what he means, we have too many borders, boundaries, divisions in our world, instead of labelling ourselves, by country, race, religion, geography, whatever the division is, we should recognise we are all humans, living on one planet, Planet Earth.
I hope I am wrong but at times, I feel the only thing that will unite our species, will be the discovery of another species from another planet. And we will become even more united if that other species decides to attack us.
We all worry about overcrowding and people paying their way, but if we were to take down all the barriers, the United Countries of Earth, all working in unison and harmony. A New Earth, where you can live where you want, and enjoy the same standard of living. Where ever you decide that is, whether it is Eastern Europe, Mongolia, Australia, Canada, even Britain or the US, you would have that choice.
At the moment here in Britain people are worried about immigration, especially unskilled workers entering our country taking jobs. Well if we were to somehow find equality in living standards across the world then these issues would disappear. I know there are some beautiful parts of the world; no one wants to live in, because of the country the area is part of, and the poverty existing there. We have to start to seriously think how we will achieve this, before it is too late.
Countries like Brazil, with 90% tropical rainforest, would be able to stay 90% tropical rainforest, we could make areas for wildlife, human free, so they can have the equality we enjoy. In the present country based system, countries have to rely heavily on their own resources, but it is destroying the world we live in. Now as I have mentioned many times, I am not some tree hugger, I think they aren’t interested in humanity. I want equality for everything, if possible, how we do this where all are happy, humans, and animals, I don’t know to be honest. One thing I do know is that making more divisions and being pigheaded, and idealistic and not willing to see the bigger picture is foolish. Weigh up all the options and use them for the advantage of everyone not just the few. Not just your country, or your religion, or your race, or even your company or career.
I don’t want to think we have to rely on aggressive conquering aliens to make our species realise we are all one, all human, all of Earth.
Divided we fall, united we succeed.
Now years on, I know what he means, we have too many borders, boundaries, divisions in our world, instead of labelling ourselves, by country, race, religion, geography, whatever the division is, we should recognise we are all humans, living on one planet, Planet Earth.
I hope I am wrong but at times, I feel the only thing that will unite our species, will be the discovery of another species from another planet. And we will become even more united if that other species decides to attack us.
We all worry about overcrowding and people paying their way, but if we were to take down all the barriers, the United Countries of Earth, all working in unison and harmony. A New Earth, where you can live where you want, and enjoy the same standard of living. Where ever you decide that is, whether it is Eastern Europe, Mongolia, Australia, Canada, even Britain or the US, you would have that choice.
At the moment here in Britain people are worried about immigration, especially unskilled workers entering our country taking jobs. Well if we were to somehow find equality in living standards across the world then these issues would disappear. I know there are some beautiful parts of the world; no one wants to live in, because of the country the area is part of, and the poverty existing there. We have to start to seriously think how we will achieve this, before it is too late.
Countries like Brazil, with 90% tropical rainforest, would be able to stay 90% tropical rainforest, we could make areas for wildlife, human free, so they can have the equality we enjoy. In the present country based system, countries have to rely heavily on their own resources, but it is destroying the world we live in. Now as I have mentioned many times, I am not some tree hugger, I think they aren’t interested in humanity. I want equality for everything, if possible, how we do this where all are happy, humans, and animals, I don’t know to be honest. One thing I do know is that making more divisions and being pigheaded, and idealistic and not willing to see the bigger picture is foolish. Weigh up all the options and use them for the advantage of everyone not just the few. Not just your country, or your religion, or your race, or even your company or career.
I don’t want to think we have to rely on aggressive conquering aliens to make our species realise we are all one, all human, all of Earth.
Divided we fall, united we succeed.
Saturday 23 October 2010
Never Give Up - Always Fight Back!
I have been musing this morning, and I have just thought of this, it is similar to other poems I have written, but I think this one is rather good, not great but better than my latest attempts.
When you feel lost,
Unable to cope,
No end in sight,
Trapped against the ropes.
Look deep inside,
There you will find,
A sense of wonder,
To clear the mind.
Never give up,
Always fight onward,
Do not fall back,
Continue forward.
The road is long,
The mountain is high,
Its saps your strength
You want to die.
But when you reach,
Your final goal,
An amazing joy,
Will fill your soul.
When you feel lost,
Unable to cope,
No end in sight,
Trapped against the ropes.
Look deep inside,
There you will find,
A sense of wonder,
To clear the mind.
Never give up,
Always fight onward,
Do not fall back,
Continue forward.
The road is long,
The mountain is high,
Its saps your strength
You want to die.
But when you reach,
Your final goal,
An amazing joy,
Will fill your soul.
Friday 22 October 2010
The Wacky World of Speculative Mysterious History
When I was younger, I believed lots of crazy notions, (yes even more than today) about our planet and we, human beings. I am not sure what you would call my ideology back then, but I loved mysteries, I think it was probably three main reasons for this, one the X-Files, two reading Graham Hancock’s Fingerprints of the Gods, and three, sharing a flat with someone who was just as much into that sort of thinking, as I was at the time. I firmly believed, that intelligent human beings were descended from aliens or that we were not indigenous to this planet. At the time it just seemed totally implausible to me that we could have evolved into intelligent life, when nothing else was intelligent. I reasoned that aliens had come down and somehow mated with our species to produce self awareness. I think the main reason I thought this way, was because as I have said before, I did not like science until the late 90’s. I had no interest in the facts, and the evidence, you could say I was no better than the intelligent design nutters, but unlike those who are unwilling to change their views, for whatever reason. I am not like that and when more logical concepts were explained to me, I realised how wrong I was.
The main wacky concepts I remember were: how old are the pyramids and were they created by aliens or life forms we know little about. Who were the Olmec’s, and the Mayan’s (at the time little was known about the Mayan’s) and was their calendar prophesying the end of the world? Who was Viracocha and Quetzalcoatl, and why were they depicted as white? Who built Machu Picchu, and Tiahuanaco, and how did they get such large massive 100 ton blocks to the top of the Andes?
Graham Hancock’s book; although now it has been debunked I believe, was incredibly fascinating, and it was disgraceful how the scientists whether Egyptologists, Archeologists, Geologists, or Astronomers, treated him and his ideas and thoughts. I learned a great deal, I learned about precession, and how the sky is constantly changing through the Zodiac. What this means for anyone who does not know, is that the Earth is slightly tipped at an angle, so causing the seasons, and making the sky we see change over many millennia. It takes approximately 26,000 years to go through a full processional cycle and one degree in approximately 72 years (out of the 360 degrees in a circle). Graham Hancock found lots of evidence that the ancients knew this processional cycle and added into their architecture. He claimed the three pyramids at Giza, were an Earthly representation of Orion’s Belt, which has been disputed, but that one seems obvious to me, it does look like Orion’s Belt. One of his most controversial thoughts was that the Pyramids were not tombs, and were not build around 2500 BCE, he believed that they were much older and he used precession to show this.
What started off as an excellent book, he wrote later ones, but then he seemed to get mixed up with crazier ideas, and I started to find the whole concept too farfetched. I still think Fingerprints is an excellent book and worth reading.
I seem to have gone off track, I was going to talk about reading a blog this morning where someone suggests that the Mayan Calendar might be out by up to 50 to 100 years, so the supposed furor over the imminent end of the world in 2012 is called off at least for now. Oh those Armageddon/Rapture loony’s will be peeved. Then again is it not sacrosanct or sacrilege; I don’t know the difference, to take a heathen, pagan, human sacrificing culture and use its calendar for proving the end of the Christian religious world, i.e. The Book of Revelations? It’s amazing how these religions can mix and match these days. Back to the Mayan Calendar and the end of the world, it is supposed to happen on the 21st December 2012, the winter solstice, the beginning of the resurrection ironically. The sun reaches its lowest point and it lasts for three days then rises once more, umm now doesn’t that sound familiar. I have unfortunately watched tons of rubbish about the Mayan calendar and many charlatans have made fortunes pedaling their crap about the end of the world and what it all means. Whatever happens on the 21st Dec 2012, I will place a bet the size of the debt of Britain that most if not nearly all of the population of this planet is still alive.
That was a bit around the houses today, but I enjoyed writing it.
The main wacky concepts I remember were: how old are the pyramids and were they created by aliens or life forms we know little about. Who were the Olmec’s, and the Mayan’s (at the time little was known about the Mayan’s) and was their calendar prophesying the end of the world? Who was Viracocha and Quetzalcoatl, and why were they depicted as white? Who built Machu Picchu, and Tiahuanaco, and how did they get such large massive 100 ton blocks to the top of the Andes?
Graham Hancock’s book; although now it has been debunked I believe, was incredibly fascinating, and it was disgraceful how the scientists whether Egyptologists, Archeologists, Geologists, or Astronomers, treated him and his ideas and thoughts. I learned a great deal, I learned about precession, and how the sky is constantly changing through the Zodiac. What this means for anyone who does not know, is that the Earth is slightly tipped at an angle, so causing the seasons, and making the sky we see change over many millennia. It takes approximately 26,000 years to go through a full processional cycle and one degree in approximately 72 years (out of the 360 degrees in a circle). Graham Hancock found lots of evidence that the ancients knew this processional cycle and added into their architecture. He claimed the three pyramids at Giza, were an Earthly representation of Orion’s Belt, which has been disputed, but that one seems obvious to me, it does look like Orion’s Belt. One of his most controversial thoughts was that the Pyramids were not tombs, and were not build around 2500 BCE, he believed that they were much older and he used precession to show this.
What started off as an excellent book, he wrote later ones, but then he seemed to get mixed up with crazier ideas, and I started to find the whole concept too farfetched. I still think Fingerprints is an excellent book and worth reading.
I seem to have gone off track, I was going to talk about reading a blog this morning where someone suggests that the Mayan Calendar might be out by up to 50 to 100 years, so the supposed furor over the imminent end of the world in 2012 is called off at least for now. Oh those Armageddon/Rapture loony’s will be peeved. Then again is it not sacrosanct or sacrilege; I don’t know the difference, to take a heathen, pagan, human sacrificing culture and use its calendar for proving the end of the Christian religious world, i.e. The Book of Revelations? It’s amazing how these religions can mix and match these days. Back to the Mayan Calendar and the end of the world, it is supposed to happen on the 21st December 2012, the winter solstice, the beginning of the resurrection ironically. The sun reaches its lowest point and it lasts for three days then rises once more, umm now doesn’t that sound familiar. I have unfortunately watched tons of rubbish about the Mayan calendar and many charlatans have made fortunes pedaling their crap about the end of the world and what it all means. Whatever happens on the 21st Dec 2012, I will place a bet the size of the debt of Britain that most if not nearly all of the population of this planet is still alive.
That was a bit around the houses today, but I enjoyed writing it.
Thursday 21 October 2010
Best of all Worlds
This is about the most hypocritical thing I am have written, but since I am being a hypocrite this week I will continue. I very rarely live in the middle, in what others would call a normal state of mind, my middle constantly changes from, crazed, happy, deluded mania, one side, to deep dread darkness the other, and many others extreme ways as well. But that is me a human being; maybe it is because I am so much like an election swingometer, that I see the sense in larger issues especially political issues being more based on ‘find the best one’ and use type of thinking. Instead of the present concept of I am right or left, socialist or capitalist, democracy or dictatorship, which is rather limiting. Why can’t we use the best of all worlds to improve the lives of the world?
As I have written, I am sceptical about manmade global warming, which is rightwing, but I want to tone down or even end religion, which is more left wing. I want to see the end of greed and exponential profit making ideology, which is left wing, but I also don’t want some tree hugger, environmentalist, ruining my life with unnecessary taxes, right wing. I want to be free to go where I choose and not be restricted by a nation’s right to say, “No! You can’t enter”; which is left wing. But also know that there is a strong enough police force, doing an excellent job of stamping out crime and violence and making it safe to walk the streets, without fear of being attacked, or my car stolen, or my house burgled, which is right wing. I want the best from both sides of the argument, not just one side, because one side has many parts that are not good. How do we achieve this? I do not know the answer to that question, I hope we will figure it out one day, put political agenda’s behind and move forward together, I hope that the coalition government here in Britain is a starting point for that sort of attitude. We have been the beginning of so much reform in the past, let’s hope it continues.
As I have written, I am sceptical about manmade global warming, which is rightwing, but I want to tone down or even end religion, which is more left wing. I want to see the end of greed and exponential profit making ideology, which is left wing, but I also don’t want some tree hugger, environmentalist, ruining my life with unnecessary taxes, right wing. I want to be free to go where I choose and not be restricted by a nation’s right to say, “No! You can’t enter”; which is left wing. But also know that there is a strong enough police force, doing an excellent job of stamping out crime and violence and making it safe to walk the streets, without fear of being attacked, or my car stolen, or my house burgled, which is right wing. I want the best from both sides of the argument, not just one side, because one side has many parts that are not good. How do we achieve this? I do not know the answer to that question, I hope we will figure it out one day, put political agenda’s behind and move forward together, I hope that the coalition government here in Britain is a starting point for that sort of attitude. We have been the beginning of so much reform in the past, let’s hope it continues.
Wednesday 20 October 2010
What is the future and what is the past?
In the past we did things, we learnt things, created ideas, and ideologies; we formed society, and walked blindly forward until we reach the present, now. The past is a memory, and not a good memory at that, the past is something gone, something we should always learn from but never hold against ourselves. The past is the past, never forgotten, but never to dwell on, unless for educational gain. The past makes us, who we are, but when making us who we are, it was the present; the past is vague and confusing, thought provoking, yet unnerving. The past haunts all of us directly or indirectly, it can make us better or it can make us worse, it can divide and it can cement. The past cannot be proved or disproved, it is an anomaly, a version of events portrayed, outlined, venerated, maligned, the past is how we want it to be, it is blinkered, or it is elevated, held in the highest esteem, or reviled as pure evil. It is wrong or exaggerated, it is cruel and forgiving, it can destroy, and it can remake, it is an amazing wonder.
The future, is similar to the past, the future is the past brought forth and pushed into existence by the mind. The future is the recreation, the re-enactment, the self fulfilling side of an intelligent mind. No one can know the future yet the future is foreseen by using the past. I know this, because I am one of its worst offenders, the future never exists, it is always a fantasy played out by the ego and the mind. The future is a game, a game the mind feels it has to win, it has to know the future and so it makes damn sure, what it perceives as the future is close to the actual future. We can speculate about what will happen, and of course, everyone does all the time. We can pretend we know the future, but if we did actually use the part of the past that was the most important part, we would know that we are quite often wrong. The more you speculate about the future, and the further your speculation goes into that future, the likelihood is, the more wrong you will be.
Since the past is behind us and the future is always unknown, I say it is good to live in the moment, and as Eckhart Tolle would say, feel the power of now. And I am one big hypocrite for saying all this, because if I could find it as easy to do it, as it is to write, then I would be a better man.
The future, is similar to the past, the future is the past brought forth and pushed into existence by the mind. The future is the recreation, the re-enactment, the self fulfilling side of an intelligent mind. No one can know the future yet the future is foreseen by using the past. I know this, because I am one of its worst offenders, the future never exists, it is always a fantasy played out by the ego and the mind. The future is a game, a game the mind feels it has to win, it has to know the future and so it makes damn sure, what it perceives as the future is close to the actual future. We can speculate about what will happen, and of course, everyone does all the time. We can pretend we know the future, but if we did actually use the part of the past that was the most important part, we would know that we are quite often wrong. The more you speculate about the future, and the further your speculation goes into that future, the likelihood is, the more wrong you will be.
Since the past is behind us and the future is always unknown, I say it is good to live in the moment, and as Eckhart Tolle would say, feel the power of now. And I am one big hypocrite for saying all this, because if I could find it as easy to do it, as it is to write, then I would be a better man.
The Code of Everything
Now this is all just wild speculation and my mind working over time, but do we all have the same DNA code and depending on which ones are on or off makes us the human beings, homo-sapiens. I know they say apes have something like 97/98%, the same. What if all living entities had the same code, I am not talking about DNA, I don’t know what I am talking about to be honest. And depending on the environment they exist in, some are switched on and others off, and they can survive because of this. Say the code is so incredibly large, it is the size of the known Universe and some more; meaning it would take the greatest computer a billion years to work out. The code is so vast and so complex, if you did ever figure out the code, you would in Douglas Adam’s terms have figured out “Life the Universe and Everything”. I doubt the answer would be 42 though. I know he sort of mentions it in his book, now I think about it, but he is looking for the answer and the question, but what we should be looking for is the code, to give us the answer and the question.
I am pretty sure it will be something more than just a code, but code is the word nearest to how I imagine it, I know DNA is a sort of code, but it is a biological code. I know we have the laws of physics but they are physical laws pertaining to our known Universe and not the code to everything. I know I have tried to think of a theory of everything using Evolutionary Perspective, but even that in itself is slight in comparison to what the code might be, since it needs perceived perspective to work, and the code does not need anything.
In a way we are all looking for this code, films delve deep to find the answer, films like ‘The Matrix’, try to use Earth and computers as their tools. Are we pre-programmed or is the code so special beyond human imagination that it manifests and changes using evolution into whatever it needs to be. Or is the code always there every part of it, and it switches on or off depending on the necessity. Who knows, maybe one day we will know, what would you imagine a being with all the code switched to be like? I suppose ironically he/she/it (would it have a gender?) would be God, but then in my Evolutionary Perspective God does exist, he/she/it just does not exist in our perspective.
Hmm now I think about it, what if in the beginning there was the code and slowly it has through whatever environmental circumstance and I am using that term loosely, since I have no idea what the original, all powerful, whole code would be activated. And then a portion switched off and other switched on, and the Infinitiverse was started. How did the code come in existence? Well as I have mentioned before for every black there is a white, matter has antimatter, life has death, on has off, if the whole of everything works this way then if you have nothing you also have to have something, so if you have no code, you also have to have all the code, at least I think you do. Existence and none existence, you cannot half exist, can you?
Well that was an interesting dive into my imagination and mind, it’s wonderful when you start with a tiny thought, then just type away and hey ideas just spark out of the blue.
I am pretty sure it will be something more than just a code, but code is the word nearest to how I imagine it, I know DNA is a sort of code, but it is a biological code. I know we have the laws of physics but they are physical laws pertaining to our known Universe and not the code to everything. I know I have tried to think of a theory of everything using Evolutionary Perspective, but even that in itself is slight in comparison to what the code might be, since it needs perceived perspective to work, and the code does not need anything.
In a way we are all looking for this code, films delve deep to find the answer, films like ‘The Matrix’, try to use Earth and computers as their tools. Are we pre-programmed or is the code so special beyond human imagination that it manifests and changes using evolution into whatever it needs to be. Or is the code always there every part of it, and it switches on or off depending on the necessity. Who knows, maybe one day we will know, what would you imagine a being with all the code switched to be like? I suppose ironically he/she/it (would it have a gender?) would be God, but then in my Evolutionary Perspective God does exist, he/she/it just does not exist in our perspective.
Hmm now I think about it, what if in the beginning there was the code and slowly it has through whatever environmental circumstance and I am using that term loosely, since I have no idea what the original, all powerful, whole code would be activated. And then a portion switched off and other switched on, and the Infinitiverse was started. How did the code come in existence? Well as I have mentioned before for every black there is a white, matter has antimatter, life has death, on has off, if the whole of everything works this way then if you have nothing you also have to have something, so if you have no code, you also have to have all the code, at least I think you do. Existence and none existence, you cannot half exist, can you?
Well that was an interesting dive into my imagination and mind, it’s wonderful when you start with a tiny thought, then just type away and hey ideas just spark out of the blue.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
Stormy Night, Floods the Day
The day, the day, it washed away,
The rain that fell was strong,
The stormy torrents, flushed the streets,
The wind blew all night long.
The river did rise, the clouds did form,
It left a total mess,
The land was flooded, when banks did break,
All rescuers got no rest.
Buckets tried to save the day,
Wellington boots, and rubber dinghies,
Sandbags, floating flotsam, carnage,
And lots of dirty thingies.
Kids play and splash and parents cry,
Hoping damage, is not too great,
Why did we buy next to a river,
Can’t move now, it’s too late?
And now it’s gone until the next time,
How often will we survive?
I’m glad to say, all are safe,
Everyone’s family is still alive.
The rain that fell was strong,
The stormy torrents, flushed the streets,
The wind blew all night long.
The river did rise, the clouds did form,
It left a total mess,
The land was flooded, when banks did break,
All rescuers got no rest.
Buckets tried to save the day,
Wellington boots, and rubber dinghies,
Sandbags, floating flotsam, carnage,
And lots of dirty thingies.
Kids play and splash and parents cry,
Hoping damage, is not too great,
Why did we buy next to a river,
Can’t move now, it’s too late?
And now it’s gone until the next time,
How often will we survive?
I’m glad to say, all are safe,
Everyone’s family is still alive.
Sunday 17 October 2010
A to Z
I wrote this without thinking about it, there is one tiny deliberate mistake, but hey it’s only a bit of fun, it quite easy to do, you should try it, you write a poem or whatever and each line is the next letter in the alphabet. Unfortunately it falls into the messy painting category, but so what...
As time goes by,
Before the end of the day,
Cold winds do blow,
Desolate and unforgiving,
Everything is getting darker,
Foreboding, freezing cold,
Gone is the golden summer,
Hello we say to autumn,
In front of me is silence,
Joyless gloom, and rain,
Knowing what is around the corner,
Longer nights,
Miserable winter not far behind,
Nobody likes being cold,
Old and infirm shiver,
People try to wrap up warm,
Quickening their step,
Rush around to keep in heat,
Until finally spring arrives,
Vast waves of people smile,
Waiting for the summer,
Xcitement all around,
Yes it’s finally arrived,
Zestful warmth and happiness
As time goes by,
Before the end of the day,
Cold winds do blow,
Desolate and unforgiving,
Everything is getting darker,
Foreboding, freezing cold,
Gone is the golden summer,
Hello we say to autumn,
In front of me is silence,
Joyless gloom, and rain,
Knowing what is around the corner,
Longer nights,
Miserable winter not far behind,
Nobody likes being cold,
Old and infirm shiver,
People try to wrap up warm,
Quickening their step,
Rush around to keep in heat,
Snow is falling all around,
Trying not to slip,Until finally spring arrives,
Vast waves of people smile,
Waiting for the summer,
Xcitement all around,
Yes it’s finally arrived,
Zestful warmth and happiness
Saturday 16 October 2010
WWII – the Russian Front
I have always had a fascination with the Second World War; I loved the films when I was a kid, and throughout my life have wondered at the ferocity, violence, mayhem it caused. I have been moved by the courage of all those men who gave their lives for freedom. All are true heroes every one of them, I am not sure if I could have landed on Omaha Beach, and ran up the bluffs. Or lived in a U-Boat or submarine, where your chances of survival were slim. I doubt I would have wanted to land on Okinawa, or fight in the jungles of Burma. Fly a Spitfire in the Battle of Britain, or fly a Bomber over enemy territory. How dreadful it must have been to be trapped in Stalingrad, or starving in Leningrad, not to mention the beyond evil treatment of prisoners whether civilians or soldiers, in the death and concentration camps.
Out of all of this senseless bloodlust, the worse violence, the worse place, the worst fighting, the worst death rate has to be the Russian Front. Fighting there went beyond evil; it went into another stratosphere of brutality. On June 22nd, 3 million German troops as well as approximately 1 million axis troops launched Operation Barbarossa. Three massive Army Groups; Army Group North, heading for Leningrad; Army Group Centre heading for Smolensk, then Moscow, and Army Group South, heading for the Ukraine. In the beginning the massive gamble seemed to pay off, the German Wehrmacht, swiftly moved hundreds of miles encircling hundreds of thousands of Red Army soldiers; in one encirclement the Wehrmacht trapped and captured 650,000 Red Army troops.
By November they were within sight of Moscow, yet they had not won, and though the view was one of imminent victory, the Germans, totally underestimated the strength on resolve of the Soviets. The Russian Front was hell for its troops, if you were a Lieutenant in the Wehrmacht; you were likely to be dead or a casualty within eleven days of arriving. The casualty rate was so high, by the beginning of the 1942, the 3 million German Soldiers were either dead or captured or casualties. If you watch the documentary about the Wehrmacht they say that in June 41, the German Army was at 95% of full readiness, by January 42, that was reduced to 5%, the army that left in 41 was wiped out.
Any decent minded person would have cut his losses and got the hell out of Dodge, but Hitler didn’t do this, he continued his madness, sending millions of troops to take the Crimea, and eventually to die in Stalingrad. Stalingrad is said to be the bloodiest, nastiest, most awful hellhole battle ever, it is estimated that between 1–1.5 million people died there, including the entire German 6th Army. Between 250,000 and 350,000 German troops were trapped in a pocket they called the Kessel or Cauldron. Slowly they were squeezed, fighting in freezing cold temperatures, hand to hand, house by house, room by room, what am horrific hell, did those soldiers on both sides have to endure. And if you were unfortunate enough to survive the 6 months of nightmarish conditions, you were then imprisoned in a gulag, for another ten years. Of the 95,000 German soldiers captured, only 5,000-6,000, ever saw Germany again.
Hitler would not allow them to escape, he let them all die, and that was not the end of his brutality. As well as letting his own soldiers down, who he expected to die in his name, and to never give up, even to the last man. His treatment of Russian prisoners was beyond barbaric, 3 million Russian prisoners died at the hands of the German Einsatzgruppen or Death Squads, as well as millions of Jews and Russian civilians.
Unlike Stalingrad, Hitler decided to surround Leningrad and starve its citizens, for over 700 days Leningrad was cut off with little to no food or fuel. As many as 1.4 million people were casualties of this hellish siege.
Even when in 1943, the tide was turning against Hitler and his forces were being decimated on both fronts, he continued the madness, engaging in the Battle of Kursk, where approximately 1 million soldiers were killed or wounded. The largest and most dreadful tank battle ever happened there, at Prokhorovka, thousands of tanks from each side collided outside the small town in a tiny square mile of land. By this stage the Germans were finished, yet Hitler still continued his madness.
From this time onwards the Germans were in retreat, but the bloody slaughter continued for another two years, costing the lives of millions more men, women and children. The Russians finally beat the Germans at their own game, and pushed them all the way back to Berlin. But still Hitler would not stop the hell, over half a million Germans lost their lives in that final battle.
No one knows the true amount of deaths from the Russian Front, it is estimated that between 25–35 million Russians died, and up to 6-7 million Germans. To think so many died in such a short space of time through the megalomania of a few individuals on both sides, is in my mind something we need to learn from. We never want to see the like again. I feel we don’t know enough about what happened in that hellhole back in the early forties, we know more about the western campaign, mainly because it was the front we were fighting on. We see more films about the US and British battles, but we need to see some more about the Russian ones. We seem to glorify war too much; it should be something that we don’t see any more. How can we still find some kind of justification to kill another human being in that way after witnessing the First and Second World Wars? Will we ever learn or will we have to witness the horror again in a few more decades, when the two most violent murderous wars, are lost with the survivors; when they are gone? Let’s hope that it never happens again, we want peace, harmony and oneness, with all of humanity. We need to trust, and form a togetherness, that will end war forever.
Out of all of this senseless bloodlust, the worse violence, the worse place, the worst fighting, the worst death rate has to be the Russian Front. Fighting there went beyond evil; it went into another stratosphere of brutality. On June 22nd, 3 million German troops as well as approximately 1 million axis troops launched Operation Barbarossa. Three massive Army Groups; Army Group North, heading for Leningrad; Army Group Centre heading for Smolensk, then Moscow, and Army Group South, heading for the Ukraine. In the beginning the massive gamble seemed to pay off, the German Wehrmacht, swiftly moved hundreds of miles encircling hundreds of thousands of Red Army soldiers; in one encirclement the Wehrmacht trapped and captured 650,000 Red Army troops.
By November they were within sight of Moscow, yet they had not won, and though the view was one of imminent victory, the Germans, totally underestimated the strength on resolve of the Soviets. The Russian Front was hell for its troops, if you were a Lieutenant in the Wehrmacht; you were likely to be dead or a casualty within eleven days of arriving. The casualty rate was so high, by the beginning of the 1942, the 3 million German Soldiers were either dead or captured or casualties. If you watch the documentary about the Wehrmacht they say that in June 41, the German Army was at 95% of full readiness, by January 42, that was reduced to 5%, the army that left in 41 was wiped out.
Any decent minded person would have cut his losses and got the hell out of Dodge, but Hitler didn’t do this, he continued his madness, sending millions of troops to take the Crimea, and eventually to die in Stalingrad. Stalingrad is said to be the bloodiest, nastiest, most awful hellhole battle ever, it is estimated that between 1–1.5 million people died there, including the entire German 6th Army. Between 250,000 and 350,000 German troops were trapped in a pocket they called the Kessel or Cauldron. Slowly they were squeezed, fighting in freezing cold temperatures, hand to hand, house by house, room by room, what am horrific hell, did those soldiers on both sides have to endure. And if you were unfortunate enough to survive the 6 months of nightmarish conditions, you were then imprisoned in a gulag, for another ten years. Of the 95,000 German soldiers captured, only 5,000-6,000, ever saw Germany again.
Hitler would not allow them to escape, he let them all die, and that was not the end of his brutality. As well as letting his own soldiers down, who he expected to die in his name, and to never give up, even to the last man. His treatment of Russian prisoners was beyond barbaric, 3 million Russian prisoners died at the hands of the German Einsatzgruppen or Death Squads, as well as millions of Jews and Russian civilians.
Unlike Stalingrad, Hitler decided to surround Leningrad and starve its citizens, for over 700 days Leningrad was cut off with little to no food or fuel. As many as 1.4 million people were casualties of this hellish siege.
Even when in 1943, the tide was turning against Hitler and his forces were being decimated on both fronts, he continued the madness, engaging in the Battle of Kursk, where approximately 1 million soldiers were killed or wounded. The largest and most dreadful tank battle ever happened there, at Prokhorovka, thousands of tanks from each side collided outside the small town in a tiny square mile of land. By this stage the Germans were finished, yet Hitler still continued his madness.
From this time onwards the Germans were in retreat, but the bloody slaughter continued for another two years, costing the lives of millions more men, women and children. The Russians finally beat the Germans at their own game, and pushed them all the way back to Berlin. But still Hitler would not stop the hell, over half a million Germans lost their lives in that final battle.
No one knows the true amount of deaths from the Russian Front, it is estimated that between 25–35 million Russians died, and up to 6-7 million Germans. To think so many died in such a short space of time through the megalomania of a few individuals on both sides, is in my mind something we need to learn from. We never want to see the like again. I feel we don’t know enough about what happened in that hellhole back in the early forties, we know more about the western campaign, mainly because it was the front we were fighting on. We see more films about the US and British battles, but we need to see some more about the Russian ones. We seem to glorify war too much; it should be something that we don’t see any more. How can we still find some kind of justification to kill another human being in that way after witnessing the First and Second World Wars? Will we ever learn or will we have to witness the horror again in a few more decades, when the two most violent murderous wars, are lost with the survivors; when they are gone? Let’s hope that it never happens again, we want peace, harmony and oneness, with all of humanity. We need to trust, and form a togetherness, that will end war forever.
The Universe
The Universe is very large, and hard to contemplate,
Some say it might be infinite and others say it aint,
The Universe is full of stuff, yet most of it is empty,
What can we say about the place; that’s the way it’s meant to be,
The Universe is wonderful, mysterious, and amazing,
Yet what we see in miniscule, as hard as we keep gazing,
The Universe is full of matter, and some of it is dark,
And that makes it invisible, like a dog without a bark,
The Universe is captivating at least it is to me,
Reminding me of drifting oceans, and tides of the sea,
The Universe is supremely old, beyond your imagination,
I hope to one day see its beauty whilst on a huge space station.
Some say it might be infinite and others say it aint,
The Universe is full of stuff, yet most of it is empty,
What can we say about the place; that’s the way it’s meant to be,
The Universe is wonderful, mysterious, and amazing,
Yet what we see in miniscule, as hard as we keep gazing,
The Universe is full of matter, and some of it is dark,
And that makes it invisible, like a dog without a bark,
The Universe is captivating at least it is to me,
Reminding me of drifting oceans, and tides of the sea,
The Universe is supremely old, beyond your imagination,
I hope to one day see its beauty whilst on a huge space station.
The Glorious Landscape of the Night
It was cold last night so I didn't want to get up, I felt rotten, but I feel better today. It’s raining outside at the moment, pita patter rain drops hitting the window. So another poem to add to my collection, this is about being in a hot/warm country under a shady tree (Ive added an Oak, but it could be any tree, especially as now I think about it hot countries don't have Oaks do they?) as the sun goes down and the stars come out. At least it’s how I imagine it to be, I have tried to only think of the nice parts of the experience to there is no mosquitoes or flies or any other creepy crawlies that may exist in such places. Its makes me feel better to imagine nice parts of the world, imagine being there, imagine the colours the smells, the sounds. You don't get many opportunities when living in Britain to appreciate nice warm weather.
The final shine of the sun that day,
White flower petals, soft and delicate fold,
The wind a rustling in the trees,
Crickets chatter in the fields.
The darkness falls, a purple haze,
A lake of water calm and still,
Dancing shadows, glimmer in the moonlight,
Cool night air sends a chill.
There I lie under a great Oak tree,
I glance upwards at the stars,
I watch the moon slowly glide across the sky,
And the wisps of floating clouds.
I lie in peace and contemplation,
I feel a warmth in my heart,
The glorious landscape of the night,
Reminds my soul of modern art.
The spots of light, red, orange and yellow,
The purples and deep blues,
I close my eyes and dream awake,
My mind alive with creative imagination.
The final shine of the sun that day,
White flower petals, soft and delicate fold,
The wind a rustling in the trees,
Crickets chatter in the fields.
The darkness falls, a purple haze,
A lake of water calm and still,
Dancing shadows, glimmer in the moonlight,
Cool night air sends a chill.
There I lie under a great Oak tree,
I glance upwards at the stars,
I watch the moon slowly glide across the sky,
And the wisps of floating clouds.
I lie in peace and contemplation,
I feel a warmth in my heart,
The glorious landscape of the night,
Reminds my soul of modern art.
The spots of light, red, orange and yellow,
The purples and deep blues,
I close my eyes and dream awake,
My mind alive with creative imagination.
Thursday 14 October 2010
Colours
I keep thinking of these silly poems, I know its rubbish, but its colourful, and I like colour, when I paint, I just spread the colour on the page, sometimes its makes a good painting, occasionally it makes a great painting, but mostly is makes a total mess. A bit like this poem haha.
Yellow colour of light and joy,
Red, is fire, full of radiant warm,
Blue, fresh, and liquid quenching,
Green, Earthy bringer of life,
White, so clear, pure angelic,
Grey is always dull and dirty,
Golden lushness as the sun,
Silver coolness of the moon,
Every colour is a beauty,
Every colour a wonder to behold,
Every colour is full of fascination,
Every colour is a rainbow, a marvel of creation.
Yellow colour of light and joy,
Red, is fire, full of radiant warm,
Blue, fresh, and liquid quenching,
Green, Earthy bringer of life,
White, so clear, pure angelic,
Grey is always dull and dirty,
Golden lushness as the sun,
Silver coolness of the moon,
Every colour is a beauty,
Every colour a wonder to behold,
Every colour is full of fascination,
Every colour is a rainbow, a marvel of creation.
Climate Change - What's it all about?
If I am honest, I am fascinated by the whole climate change business. I can call it a business because believe me that is what it is, a business, it makes billions of dollars every year to its workforce. That workforce consists of scientists, Politian’s, environmentalists, green companies. Every day, I like to read, news now website, and keep up to date with the latest BS. Climate Change causes flooding, Climate Change causes droughts, Climate Change causes pigmies to turn blue, Climate Change made my auntie turn into an alien. You hear everything blamed on Climate Change, cows farting too much causes Climate Change, you can nearly find any radical theory and fit it in nicely with Climate Change.
What I find amusing and one of the reasons I am a sceptic when it comes to Climate Change at least the one they preach, because let’s face it the climate changes always, and always has, we can’t do anything about that. The thing I find most amusing is the sensationalist, tabloid headline way they report it, as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Now as I have said before, I am pretty sure the world is warming, it has definitely warmed since the mid 17th Century, and I am sure a tiny miniscule part of it is down to man. What I don’t believe is that we are the main cause or even near to being the main cause.
There are times when I read stories on the internet about climate change that I despair with, as I have said before it gets a bit confusing, some say it is extremely hot at the moment, the hottest this or that. I hear others saying the climate has not changed in the last ten years. Why is the mean temperature of the whole planet important and how do they measure it? No one ever tells us that, all I hear is doom and gloom and not why they feel it is doom and gloom. They say its CO2 and greenhouse gases, yet unless you have had your head stuck in the sand, you must know that CO2 is not the main greenhouse gas, by a long stroke. They say it’s because we pump out tonnes of CO2, yet we are nowhere near the largest contributor of the gas. I’ve never heard of something that is not the main contributor of a situation being blamed for the cause. If mans CO2 was a sprinter, and CO2 was a race, where the Olympics is the main one, then it would be a local track event and you would come third. So why do they say continuously; you are the greatest sprinter. I hope that makes sense, the whole concept of blame seems mixed up to me.
So why am I writing the today, well whilst reading news now, I have read an article about a letter written by Harold Lewis, an Emeritus Professor of Physics at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He was also a member of the APS, (American Physical Society) until he resigned over their views on Man-Made Climate Change. He was also a member of the Academic Advisory Council of the Global Warming Policy Foundation (GWPF), which means he is someone who knows what he is talking about.
In the letter he calls Man Made Climate Change a scam, just a big cash cow that has corrupted many scientists around the world. He mentions Climategate and the way it has been handled, the fact it has been brushed under the carpet, as if it is not worthy of mention. He talks about the trillions of dollars driving it and the main cause of why the lunacy continues. He has taken a big risk because in this day and age, being a climate sceptic can be bad for your health, especially if the extremists have their way.
I hope this is the beginning of a more sensible attitude towards what is happening around climate change. I hope we start to see sense instead of desperate fear mongering, as it serves no purpose other than the purpose of making money. I hope in a few years time we can look back on the whole debacle and say thank goodness we got past that one, and were able to move forward. I hope we do it before we do something incredibly stupid; then again we are better at doing incredibly stupid things because it makes more money, than doing the right thing.
What I find amusing and one of the reasons I am a sceptic when it comes to Climate Change at least the one they preach, because let’s face it the climate changes always, and always has, we can’t do anything about that. The thing I find most amusing is the sensationalist, tabloid headline way they report it, as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Now as I have said before, I am pretty sure the world is warming, it has definitely warmed since the mid 17th Century, and I am sure a tiny miniscule part of it is down to man. What I don’t believe is that we are the main cause or even near to being the main cause.
There are times when I read stories on the internet about climate change that I despair with, as I have said before it gets a bit confusing, some say it is extremely hot at the moment, the hottest this or that. I hear others saying the climate has not changed in the last ten years. Why is the mean temperature of the whole planet important and how do they measure it? No one ever tells us that, all I hear is doom and gloom and not why they feel it is doom and gloom. They say its CO2 and greenhouse gases, yet unless you have had your head stuck in the sand, you must know that CO2 is not the main greenhouse gas, by a long stroke. They say it’s because we pump out tonnes of CO2, yet we are nowhere near the largest contributor of the gas. I’ve never heard of something that is not the main contributor of a situation being blamed for the cause. If mans CO2 was a sprinter, and CO2 was a race, where the Olympics is the main one, then it would be a local track event and you would come third. So why do they say continuously; you are the greatest sprinter. I hope that makes sense, the whole concept of blame seems mixed up to me.
So why am I writing the today, well whilst reading news now, I have read an article about a letter written by Harold Lewis, an Emeritus Professor of Physics at the University of California, Santa Barbara. He was also a member of the APS, (American Physical Society) until he resigned over their views on Man-Made Climate Change. He was also a member of the Academic Advisory Council of the Global Warming Policy Foundation (GWPF), which means he is someone who knows what he is talking about.
In the letter he calls Man Made Climate Change a scam, just a big cash cow that has corrupted many scientists around the world. He mentions Climategate and the way it has been handled, the fact it has been brushed under the carpet, as if it is not worthy of mention. He talks about the trillions of dollars driving it and the main cause of why the lunacy continues. He has taken a big risk because in this day and age, being a climate sceptic can be bad for your health, especially if the extremists have their way.
I hope this is the beginning of a more sensible attitude towards what is happening around climate change. I hope we start to see sense instead of desperate fear mongering, as it serves no purpose other than the purpose of making money. I hope in a few years time we can look back on the whole debacle and say thank goodness we got past that one, and were able to move forward. I hope we do it before we do something incredibly stupid; then again we are better at doing incredibly stupid things because it makes more money, than doing the right thing.
Money – What’s it all about?
Good morning world how are we today?
It looks pleasant outside I hope everyone’s ok.
Money makes the world go round, or so they say, I think I want to elaborate on why I don’t like it, but now I‘ve thought of it further it isn’t that I don’t like money. It is more a case of I don’t like the fact I need a lot of it to do the things I want to do. And since I don’t have any, in a weird sort of way I am jealous, and resentful of money. This is not good, I know, but I want to do so many things and so many things cost so much money these days. Did you know that money in its simplest form is just a payment of debt to the bearer?
I know there will be plenty of people out there saying, no you don’t need lots of money to see the world, you can do it cheaply. Yes you can do it cheaply, but why should I? Why should anybody for that matter, why can’t we all be able to see things with a little bit of luxury, why can’t I dine in the finest restaurants, sleep in the most magnificent hotel suites. Have the best seats at the theatre, or at a concert. Travel to space and gaze down at the Earth, climb Mount Everest, whatever it may be. Yes I know I am being selfish, but I am sure I am not the only one. The problem is as I see it, well it’s a big problem; is that I am not greedy about money; I have never felt the fascination towards accumulating it.
I remember an old boss of mine (not a bad one if I am honest) he said if I ever published a book, would I be pleased because I would make lots of money? Many people have said similar things, or said would you like to be famous, etc, etc. My answer was no, it’s the freedom I would gain and the chance to experience all those wonders of the world, that would be the greatest gift in my opinion. The power to be able to go where I want, when I want, and see all that there is to offer, and to not have to worry if I can afford it. I don’t want to worry whether I will be debt ridden for the rest of my life, just for trying to experience something magical.
When I say I hate money, it is because of those reasons and it makes me sad that I have those feelings because it isn’t healthy. But I do, and I hope one day, I don’t feel like that.
It looks pleasant outside I hope everyone’s ok.
Money makes the world go round, or so they say, I think I want to elaborate on why I don’t like it, but now I‘ve thought of it further it isn’t that I don’t like money. It is more a case of I don’t like the fact I need a lot of it to do the things I want to do. And since I don’t have any, in a weird sort of way I am jealous, and resentful of money. This is not good, I know, but I want to do so many things and so many things cost so much money these days. Did you know that money in its simplest form is just a payment of debt to the bearer?
I know there will be plenty of people out there saying, no you don’t need lots of money to see the world, you can do it cheaply. Yes you can do it cheaply, but why should I? Why should anybody for that matter, why can’t we all be able to see things with a little bit of luxury, why can’t I dine in the finest restaurants, sleep in the most magnificent hotel suites. Have the best seats at the theatre, or at a concert. Travel to space and gaze down at the Earth, climb Mount Everest, whatever it may be. Yes I know I am being selfish, but I am sure I am not the only one. The problem is as I see it, well it’s a big problem; is that I am not greedy about money; I have never felt the fascination towards accumulating it.
I remember an old boss of mine (not a bad one if I am honest) he said if I ever published a book, would I be pleased because I would make lots of money? Many people have said similar things, or said would you like to be famous, etc, etc. My answer was no, it’s the freedom I would gain and the chance to experience all those wonders of the world, that would be the greatest gift in my opinion. The power to be able to go where I want, when I want, and see all that there is to offer, and to not have to worry if I can afford it. I don’t want to worry whether I will be debt ridden for the rest of my life, just for trying to experience something magical.
When I say I hate money, it is because of those reasons and it makes me sad that I have those feelings because it isn’t healthy. But I do, and I hope one day, I don’t feel like that.
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Our Life and Times a Merry-Go-Round
I thought since I have only written grotesqueness today, since I am in a black mood, writing misery cheers me up and I need cheering up at the moment. Well here is a poem I have just thought of, it’s not very good, but it’s not bad I suppose. It’s about the worst time of year in my opinion that time is autumn and winter. So let’s hope it does the trick and cheers me up also.
As autumn leaves turn golden red,
As the suns gaze lowers it head,
Bitter winds, they start to blow and muster,
The moons white light turns a little crisper,
We button up our winter coats,
We pull out scarves and hats,
We snuggle warm in front of fires,
And watch as leaves start to fall,
And then the clocks go back an hour,
Halloween and Guy Fawkes pass,
And colder weather joins together,
Preparing us for winter,
The festive period comes and goes,
New Year before too long,
And then we start all over again,
Our life and times a merry-go-round.
As autumn leaves turn golden red,
As the suns gaze lowers it head,
Bitter winds, they start to blow and muster,
The moons white light turns a little crisper,
We button up our winter coats,
We pull out scarves and hats,
We snuggle warm in front of fires,
And watch as leaves start to fall,
And then the clocks go back an hour,
Halloween and Guy Fawkes pass,
And colder weather joins together,
Preparing us for winter,
The festive period comes and goes,
New Year before too long,
And then we start all over again,
Our life and times a merry-go-round.
Tuesday 12 October 2010
The Big Bang - Whats it all about?
Just watched a fascinating documentary from Horizon about what came before the Big Bang. Finally scientists are moving away from the crazy notion that from nothing, the singularity, burst into existence everything. Of the ideas put forward the one I thought found most compelling was the one by Sir Roger Penrose, the idea that as we expand we eventually phase back to energy and from the energy a new big bang starts. Although I am not sure whether the idea is true, it sounded interesting, another interesting idea was about black holes creating new Universe’s, which is an idea I thought of myself a few years ago, unfortunately I cannot remember the scientists name, but his idea used evolution. Although it was different to how I would use evolution.
I think, as I have mentioned before that the Universe is part of a multiverse, which is part of the Infinitiverse. It evolved in the same way animals evolved, or our galaxy, it took advantage of circumstances, perfect for its existence. How this happened I will leave to the astronomers and cosmologists to work out. But at least they are moving forward with their ideas and concepts, which is good. I bet before we know it, the big bang theory will be dismissed and a new theory will take its place. I believe Dark Energy will go as well, when we understand more about the known Universe and what it all means. Not sure on Dark Matter, I feel that it exists though what it is I do not know.
One thing is sure, we are increasing our perspective parameters and as we do this we expand our knowledge of ourselves, our Universe, and why we are here. All this has to be good, and hopefully a benefit to humanity.
I think, as I have mentioned before that the Universe is part of a multiverse, which is part of the Infinitiverse. It evolved in the same way animals evolved, or our galaxy, it took advantage of circumstances, perfect for its existence. How this happened I will leave to the astronomers and cosmologists to work out. But at least they are moving forward with their ideas and concepts, which is good. I bet before we know it, the big bang theory will be dismissed and a new theory will take its place. I believe Dark Energy will go as well, when we understand more about the known Universe and what it all means. Not sure on Dark Matter, I feel that it exists though what it is I do not know.
One thing is sure, we are increasing our perspective parameters and as we do this we expand our knowledge of ourselves, our Universe, and why we are here. All this has to be good, and hopefully a benefit to humanity.
The Eternal Road to Nowhere
A walk along the infinite road,
Straight line forever, never turning,
A walk as if in tunnel vision,
Nothing around do I see.
The road it wants me, guides me
Towards the eternal horizon,
I walk forever, never reaching,
Warm Sun and its everlasting glow.
Straight line forever, never turning,
A walk as if in tunnel vision,
Nothing around do I see.
The road it wants me, guides me
Towards the eternal horizon,
I walk forever, never reaching,
Warm Sun and its everlasting glow.
A poem about a day
Thanks for the healing thoughts from whoever sent them :-)
Here is a poem I wrote a while ago, near the beginning of the year, it was one of those wonderful days when all goes well. I wrote the Universe poem (that is at the beginning of my blog) on the same day and two short stories, so it was incredibly good day creatively. Not sure why it has taken me this long to add it as it is one of my best ones. The key to understanding the poem and what it is about, and if you have read the rest of my blog then it should be easy to figure it out now. Maybe that is why I have waited so long.
Today
What could you say, about this fine day?
Was it warm, was it sunny?
Did I win lots of money?
Did we win the World Cup or the Premier League?
Oh no, that's a daydream, too hard to believe.
What could you say, about this fine day?
Am I funnier, or smarter?
Did I become a new father?
Did I save someone's life or did someone save mine?
Did I find a new love, a soul mate for all time?
What would you say, about this fine day?
It is snowing, it is freezing
I cannot stop sneezing
The car will not start, as the battery is flat
The path is so icy, I slipped, that was that.
What would you say, about this fine day?
I am older and fatter
As mad as a hatter
We're out of the cup, and I lost my phone
The government says chin up, there's no need to moan.
What did I say, about this fine day?
I have peace, I have health
To me that's real wealth
Life can always be better, sometimes it's not great
I wish it were easy to find a hot date.
What did I say, about this fine day?
Life changes, things happen
You have to keep laughing
We will win the World Cup, we will win the League
Though I still think the latter, is hard to conceive.
What did the fine day, say about me?
Live life to the full
No need to be dull
Appreciate every moment, and enjoy every day
As life is too short, no time to delay.
Here is a poem I wrote a while ago, near the beginning of the year, it was one of those wonderful days when all goes well. I wrote the Universe poem (that is at the beginning of my blog) on the same day and two short stories, so it was incredibly good day creatively. Not sure why it has taken me this long to add it as it is one of my best ones. The key to understanding the poem and what it is about, and if you have read the rest of my blog then it should be easy to figure it out now. Maybe that is why I have waited so long.
Today
What could you say, about this fine day?
Was it warm, was it sunny?
Did I win lots of money?
Did we win the World Cup or the Premier League?
Oh no, that's a daydream, too hard to believe.
What could you say, about this fine day?
Am I funnier, or smarter?
Did I become a new father?
Did I save someone's life or did someone save mine?
Did I find a new love, a soul mate for all time?
What would you say, about this fine day?
It is snowing, it is freezing
I cannot stop sneezing
The car will not start, as the battery is flat
The path is so icy, I slipped, that was that.
What would you say, about this fine day?
I am older and fatter
As mad as a hatter
We're out of the cup, and I lost my phone
The government says chin up, there's no need to moan.
What did I say, about this fine day?
I have peace, I have health
To me that's real wealth
Life can always be better, sometimes it's not great
I wish it were easy to find a hot date.
What did I say, about this fine day?
Life changes, things happen
You have to keep laughing
We will win the World Cup, we will win the League
Though I still think the latter, is hard to conceive.
What did the fine day, say about me?
Live life to the full
No need to be dull
Appreciate every moment, and enjoy every day
As life is too short, no time to delay.
Sunday 10 October 2010
Inventions that would change the World
Imagine if you could invent anything, what you want to create? Here is a list of inventions or discoveries I think would change the world, some good, some bad.
Nuclear Fusion
Imagine the day we finally crack Nuclear Fusion, the day we are able to make free energy, how amazing the change would be. The thing that drives society is energy, and there are limits to energy as we know today. With no limits, anything is possible, the other side effects would be, the end of pollution, at least the toxic gaseous kind, the one that creates smog, acid rain, massive oil slicks in the seas and oceans. Fires, barren wastelands, cancer, and many more; imagine a cell phone without a battery, it never needs recharging, it doesn’t need updating because you can have it online all the time. The downside, at least in our profit making greedy society, is they can’t make as much money off it, but then again, I doubt the need for money would last since you would likely have the ability to create anything from this one source. Harnessing incredible amounts of energy in super, super computers would find answers we aren’t capable to finding at the moment.
Artificial Gravity
With free energy going into space would not be as costly, but how do we survive in space for long periods of time? We need to figure out Artificial Gravity then we can expand our horizons beyond Earth. The effects of weightlessness on the human body are huge, if someone has been in space for an extended period, they cannot walk when they return to Earth, their muscles have wasted dramatically, even if they do some kind of stressed exercise in space. What I mean by that, is that they strap the body down and they perform exercises, training the muscles to cope. But it has its limitations.
Light Speed and faster
Once we have free energy, and artificial gravity, we need to have the ability to travel to other planets, stars as quickly as possible. At the moment the human body just will not last long enough to travel the great distances. The Voyager Space probes left Earth in the early 70’s, they have just gone past Pluto and are heading into the unknown, it has taken well over 30’s to get this small distance. A massive distance from our perspective, but tiny when compared to our known Universe, or even our Galaxy, which is approximately 100 thousand light years in diameter. So even travelling at the speed of light, it would take 100 thousand years to cross from one side to the other. I know Einstein said we would not be able to go faster than light, but hey they said it would be impossible to fly, and we figured that one out.
Matter Creator
Think of the replicator on Star Trek, but imagine it to be the size of a room, you enter the room and you think of anything in your wildest dreams, and right in front of you it is created. How powerful would that be? I will leave that to you imagination, but I can see amazing creations, as well as some dreadful ones.
Immortality
This would change the world irrevocably; I don’t think it would be good for us though. How over crowed would the world become? Would we evolve into beings that cannot reproduce? We would have to leave Earth and find other habitable planets. We would need our free energy, and artificial gravity, faster than light speed travel, and the matter creator. But would it be right or would it be impossible to keep from going insane? Like having insomnia for your whole life, never being able to sleep.
So there is a few to be starting with, if I think of more I will add.
Nuclear Fusion
Imagine the day we finally crack Nuclear Fusion, the day we are able to make free energy, how amazing the change would be. The thing that drives society is energy, and there are limits to energy as we know today. With no limits, anything is possible, the other side effects would be, the end of pollution, at least the toxic gaseous kind, the one that creates smog, acid rain, massive oil slicks in the seas and oceans. Fires, barren wastelands, cancer, and many more; imagine a cell phone without a battery, it never needs recharging, it doesn’t need updating because you can have it online all the time. The downside, at least in our profit making greedy society, is they can’t make as much money off it, but then again, I doubt the need for money would last since you would likely have the ability to create anything from this one source. Harnessing incredible amounts of energy in super, super computers would find answers we aren’t capable to finding at the moment.
Artificial Gravity
With free energy going into space would not be as costly, but how do we survive in space for long periods of time? We need to figure out Artificial Gravity then we can expand our horizons beyond Earth. The effects of weightlessness on the human body are huge, if someone has been in space for an extended period, they cannot walk when they return to Earth, their muscles have wasted dramatically, even if they do some kind of stressed exercise in space. What I mean by that, is that they strap the body down and they perform exercises, training the muscles to cope. But it has its limitations.
Light Speed and faster
Once we have free energy, and artificial gravity, we need to have the ability to travel to other planets, stars as quickly as possible. At the moment the human body just will not last long enough to travel the great distances. The Voyager Space probes left Earth in the early 70’s, they have just gone past Pluto and are heading into the unknown, it has taken well over 30’s to get this small distance. A massive distance from our perspective, but tiny when compared to our known Universe, or even our Galaxy, which is approximately 100 thousand light years in diameter. So even travelling at the speed of light, it would take 100 thousand years to cross from one side to the other. I know Einstein said we would not be able to go faster than light, but hey they said it would be impossible to fly, and we figured that one out.
Matter Creator
Think of the replicator on Star Trek, but imagine it to be the size of a room, you enter the room and you think of anything in your wildest dreams, and right in front of you it is created. How powerful would that be? I will leave that to you imagination, but I can see amazing creations, as well as some dreadful ones.
Immortality
This would change the world irrevocably; I don’t think it would be good for us though. How over crowed would the world become? Would we evolve into beings that cannot reproduce? We would have to leave Earth and find other habitable planets. We would need our free energy, and artificial gravity, faster than light speed travel, and the matter creator. But would it be right or would it be impossible to keep from going insane? Like having insomnia for your whole life, never being able to sleep.
So there is a few to be starting with, if I think of more I will add.
Saturday 9 October 2010
The Light that gives me Hope
When I feel as I feel now, I wish I could bottle it, and then be able to drink its wonderful medicine. I wish it was that simple, I wish it was that easy, if it was that easy, how much better my life would be. Unfortunately it is fleeting, without knowing it, I sense it is increasing, the more I put my feelings, my issues, my rights and wrongs, my failings, my mind and soul into words. The more I do this, the more I feel a sense of worthiness; a sense I may eventually feel I have achieved something, beyond my ridiculous and insurmountable goals. I hope that I can one day feel I have matched what my warped mind expects, and classifies as success. Who knows, but it is definitely pointing me in the right direction, at least at the moment it is. I have to continue to think positively, to continue to believe I am on the right track. My mind plays awful tricks on me at times, deluding me I am better than I really am, making me believe in the blink of an eye I can switch it on or off. Yet in these wonderful moments of clarity, I know this is false, I know it is my mechanism to cope with my life. And I thank it for that, but eventually I will have to address the deepest problems, and face up to what it is that holds me back. It scares me to death, I don’t know if I will be able to do this at times. It fills me with dread, and foreboding. Can I do this? Can I eventually banish the final barriers, the final shields, the final defence mechanism? I hope I can, I have to believe I can. The light is dim, but there is a light, and that light will save me.
Beyond the End
As life fades away from the ever longing gloom,
Of whispers past, dreams unfulfilled,
Moments of sadness, deepest regret,
Wishful wants, desires of the heart.
We play out every feeling, every emotion,
All our lives, so brief, we want to relive,
The pleasures, the pain, the joyous laughter,
Will we ever feel them again?
But there we stand prepared for our fate,
The longest queue, the last selfish wait,
The end of tears, the end of love,
The romance has gone forever.
What lies behind the final curtain?
We hope for light, yet sense its darkness,
At least we will find a gentle peace,
The ending of the madness.
Of whispers past, dreams unfulfilled,
Moments of sadness, deepest regret,
Wishful wants, desires of the heart.
We play out every feeling, every emotion,
All our lives, so brief, we want to relive,
The pleasures, the pain, the joyous laughter,
Will we ever feel them again?
But there we stand prepared for our fate,
The longest queue, the last selfish wait,
The end of tears, the end of love,
The romance has gone forever.
What lies behind the final curtain?
We hope for light, yet sense its darkness,
At least we will find a gentle peace,
The ending of the madness.
Friday 8 October 2010
No Beginning and no End
All, everything, the whole, has no beginning and no end. All happens at once, every possible outcome, every possible cause and effect. There is no forward and no backwards, there is just a perpetual loop of continuous eternal existence. Nothing starts or finishes, it just changes, manifesting, evolving into infinite possibilities. Imagine that, constant change, constant evolution, forever, without conclusion.
Yet even though it is constantly growing, forever amassing newness, it is always whole, it is always everything. It can only ever be this way, it can only ever be full, or empty, never half, never quarter, this is the way of the Infinitiverse.
How can it be empty, nothing, if it is whole and full? Well for every positive there is a negative, for every right, there is a left, and so for everything there is also nothing. From nothing, something magical can form, if you clear your mind, empty it of all thoughts, dwell in the deep effortless flow of serenity. You can, if you are lucky, find a special thought and from that spark of electricity, from that glimmer of light, an amazing conscious idea can evolve.
We humans have to see all as beginning and ending, without this we would probably not be able to exist; we would be confused and unable to focus. But if we can for a brief time try to imagine the wonderful reality around us, as having no beginning and no ending, just existing in perfect harmony. If we can try to imagine that, we will be all the better for it.
I am quite sure many people around the world try it every day when they meditate, or clear their thoughts, for meditation is a humans way to seeing the Infinitiverse without beginning and without end. Unfortunately not enough do, and I will admit to being one, but at least at times I try to find this form of peace, to clear the tangled web in my head to enter the realm of infinite possibilities. To clear the clutter and gain some kind of kindred spirit with myself and what I am. I just wish I was better at it, better at seeing the world without time, without form, without the clutter. To see everything in all its splendour and glory, to see its beauty without beginning and without end.
Yet even though it is constantly growing, forever amassing newness, it is always whole, it is always everything. It can only ever be this way, it can only ever be full, or empty, never half, never quarter, this is the way of the Infinitiverse.
How can it be empty, nothing, if it is whole and full? Well for every positive there is a negative, for every right, there is a left, and so for everything there is also nothing. From nothing, something magical can form, if you clear your mind, empty it of all thoughts, dwell in the deep effortless flow of serenity. You can, if you are lucky, find a special thought and from that spark of electricity, from that glimmer of light, an amazing conscious idea can evolve.
We humans have to see all as beginning and ending, without this we would probably not be able to exist; we would be confused and unable to focus. But if we can for a brief time try to imagine the wonderful reality around us, as having no beginning and no ending, just existing in perfect harmony. If we can try to imagine that, we will be all the better for it.
I am quite sure many people around the world try it every day when they meditate, or clear their thoughts, for meditation is a humans way to seeing the Infinitiverse without beginning and without end. Unfortunately not enough do, and I will admit to being one, but at least at times I try to find this form of peace, to clear the tangled web in my head to enter the realm of infinite possibilities. To clear the clutter and gain some kind of kindred spirit with myself and what I am. I just wish I was better at it, better at seeing the world without time, without form, without the clutter. To see everything in all its splendour and glory, to see its beauty without beginning and without end.
Wednesday 6 October 2010
Glorious Dream
Not tired and a little bored, so thought of this, it’s a bit whimsical and well a bit luvvy duvvy mush, but hey that’s how I feel when a beautiful woman walks past me.
Across the misty due of the morning, the radiant warmth from the orange, red sun slowly opens it eyes on a bright new day. Across the fields of lush, damp, grass, across the trees in blossom, and the rainbow coloured flowers in bloom. The day is dawning, its wakes, a sigh, a longing gaze, delightful tenderness, a youthful freshness, begins the morn.
I watch, I wait, I notice, I see, the most beautiful creation, so delicate, so quaint, enchanting, mesmerising, a smell like silky heaven, she flows past, without effort, without care. Her striking features stand out, her flowing raven hair, eyes as dark as a solar eclipse, lips lush pale rouge, pouting, desirably. She’s wearing a brilliant white three quarter Mac, large belt across her tiny waste, its length, long enough to only show the bottom of her black skirt. Her legs are slender, perfect pins, long, lustrous, sensual, she glides slowly away from where I stand. My eyes transfixed, my mind betwixt, my heart a flutter, my mouth so dry, my body quivers and I cannot move, glued to the spot. Hypnotic trance its lasts so short a time, then fleetingly gone, within the blink of an eye, my daze rescinds, as my mind clears. And then she’s gone forever.
My heart is racing, pounding with all its might; I look around, quick anxious glances, where did she go, this heavenly dream, where did she disappear too? I sigh, a lonely sigh, dejected, forlorn, in contemplation. I shrug, I smile, I realise, I must have been trapped in a glorious dream, a wonderful feeling, I was mesmerised, lost in splendid aspiration. Now my day would be a better day, a happier day, a special day because of one small glimpse at her perfect beauty and grace.
Monday 4 October 2010
What is wrong with the world?
I feel so mad and stressed I could scream, we live in a shit world; we live in a nasty, heinous world. For anyone who does not know, I am supposed to be recovering from a nervous breakdown, I have many emotional issues I am trying to come to terms with, I am sick of feeling like I feel. I want to get better but the world does not want me to get better, it seems hell bent on making me worse. When I first was ill, the wonderful doctors gave me pills that made me feel worse, then when I told them they doubled the dose. This made me feel so bad, to the point of being suicidal, to add to my misery, my landlord for the block of flats I live in started to renovate, for five or six months all I could hear was banging and drilling. The drilling was so bad it made the room vibrate, it cracked the ceiling, but did anyone care, no of course not, no one gave a damn. I tried to tell my doctor how bad I was feeling but they never listen, I tried to tell the council about the noise, but they didn’t care, I wrote to my European MP’s and received an email saying how I should get some help – no shit.
In January as I stood on a bridge, looking over the freezing cold water, I wanted to end my life, I wanted to die, I hated existence so much it drove me insane, I felt alone, I felt no on listened or cared. I thought about how I would end my life, would I jump off the bridge or run in front of a car or train. Maybe I should take pills or slash my wrists, believe me I thought of every possible way, but I could not do it, I did not know if I wanted to die, but I knew I did not want to be alive, as a cripple or scarred, that would be worse. So I didn’t do it, but I hated my life, I could not go home, the noise of the drilling was that bad, I did not know what to do. I suddenly realised why so many people just attempt suicide, just to be heard, I have never understood that in the past, but then it was glaringly obvious. When no one ever listens the only thing to do is something so extreme, so terrible, maybe they will finally listen. My state worsened and I ended up in hospital, but since I told them I was not going to kill myself I was kicked out like a Christmas pet that no one wants.
I was a mess, I was paranoid and delusional, I found out work were giving out voluntary redundancy, yet they had not told me, this made me worse. When I was told of the package, I did not know what to do, do I take the money, when I feel so dreadful, so out of focus. I was advised to not accept, and to get well, work told me I would go on their insurance policy which would cover me for 75% of my wage, I did not realise what would entail and I was never fully told.
When the time came to getting the insurance, I had to go through many questionnaires,. They made me feel worse, I was now stressing about whether I would be accepted or not, this did not help my recovery. Then they told me three months after I would have to claim a portion of the money from the government, approximately £4670 from the government, not a small amount of money. I started the claim I was told I had to fill in more forms and I waited ages before hearing back, then I had to go for a medical assessment, and then I waited hoping they would pay me soon. Since my work had taken the money I should have been receiving off the government off me, I was really skint. I had no money, I had spent my whole working life clearing off debt, and now I was in debt again, this of course made me feel more stressed, more ill. The only thing keeping me going was writing my blog, I felt I had to just stay calm, the money would eventually come.
Today though, since I had not heard anything from the government, I rang them, which is an incredibly hard thing for me to do, and they told me I was not entitled to any money from them. They had not even bothered to tell me, they would have just left me to wonder until I could ring up. Now what do I do, how do I get that extra money I need to survive? I feel miserable, alone without hope, for every time I hope; every time I try to be positive, I seem to get knocked back down. I always seem to have to get back up and start again; I am starting to get sick of having to do this. What does it take in this world for life to be better than this?
I haven’t edited this, it is just written as I thought of it, it is how I feel and why I am so unhappy, I don’t want to be like this. I want to get well, but it seems I will never get well, because society does not care or give a damn about it citizens.
I would have written this and filed it away like the many others I have written, but to hell with that, this is me and what I have to put up with. I want to change it; I keep on hoping I will.
In January as I stood on a bridge, looking over the freezing cold water, I wanted to end my life, I wanted to die, I hated existence so much it drove me insane, I felt alone, I felt no on listened or cared. I thought about how I would end my life, would I jump off the bridge or run in front of a car or train. Maybe I should take pills or slash my wrists, believe me I thought of every possible way, but I could not do it, I did not know if I wanted to die, but I knew I did not want to be alive, as a cripple or scarred, that would be worse. So I didn’t do it, but I hated my life, I could not go home, the noise of the drilling was that bad, I did not know what to do. I suddenly realised why so many people just attempt suicide, just to be heard, I have never understood that in the past, but then it was glaringly obvious. When no one ever listens the only thing to do is something so extreme, so terrible, maybe they will finally listen. My state worsened and I ended up in hospital, but since I told them I was not going to kill myself I was kicked out like a Christmas pet that no one wants.
I was a mess, I was paranoid and delusional, I found out work were giving out voluntary redundancy, yet they had not told me, this made me worse. When I was told of the package, I did not know what to do, do I take the money, when I feel so dreadful, so out of focus. I was advised to not accept, and to get well, work told me I would go on their insurance policy which would cover me for 75% of my wage, I did not realise what would entail and I was never fully told.
When the time came to getting the insurance, I had to go through many questionnaires,. They made me feel worse, I was now stressing about whether I would be accepted or not, this did not help my recovery. Then they told me three months after I would have to claim a portion of the money from the government, approximately £4670 from the government, not a small amount of money. I started the claim I was told I had to fill in more forms and I waited ages before hearing back, then I had to go for a medical assessment, and then I waited hoping they would pay me soon. Since my work had taken the money I should have been receiving off the government off me, I was really skint. I had no money, I had spent my whole working life clearing off debt, and now I was in debt again, this of course made me feel more stressed, more ill. The only thing keeping me going was writing my blog, I felt I had to just stay calm, the money would eventually come.
Today though, since I had not heard anything from the government, I rang them, which is an incredibly hard thing for me to do, and they told me I was not entitled to any money from them. They had not even bothered to tell me, they would have just left me to wonder until I could ring up. Now what do I do, how do I get that extra money I need to survive? I feel miserable, alone without hope, for every time I hope; every time I try to be positive, I seem to get knocked back down. I always seem to have to get back up and start again; I am starting to get sick of having to do this. What does it take in this world for life to be better than this?
I haven’t edited this, it is just written as I thought of it, it is how I feel and why I am so unhappy, I don’t want to be like this. I want to get well, but it seems I will never get well, because society does not care or give a damn about it citizens.
I would have written this and filed it away like the many others I have written, but to hell with that, this is me and what I have to put up with. I want to change it; I keep on hoping I will.
Time
Time, it’s a strange old thing; we have daytime and night time, morning, afternoon and evening. We notice midday noon, and midnight, breakfast time, lunchtime and dinner time. Time is all around us we are driven by time, it keeps our body clock in order, it stresses us when we feel we are losing time. What is time though? What is the slow tick tock of time?
I mentioned before that to me time is nothing, it is virtual anomaly, it is a human creation, the foundation of a stable society. Without time the world would not work, we would not be able to schedule, to plan, to develop as effectively as we do. But can the time we use on Earth be used throughout the Universe, I know people will call me crazy but I don’t think so, time is a human perspective, it is the repetitive motion of our planet, around the Sun. We base time on the revolutions of our planet, which is 24 hours. We then use the cycles of the Moon to roughly create the months, then we use the long cycle the cycle around the Sun to create years. We use years for everything; how far light travels in a year, how old the Universe is, but for some weird reason I feel we cannot use time for before we existed and before the Earth orbited the Sun. OK it is a mad idea but everything before the birth of civilised humanity or the Sun, is retrospective, in a weird sort of way. I know we can theorise about the age of things far from Earth, but it is incredibly vague, we may think it is precise, but how precise it is? I don’t know, maybe a cosmologist will start screaming at me and my thoughts, but that is all it is thoughts. I am probably wrong, but it all doesn’t seem right to me.
So in conclusion, we need time on planet Earth it is the invisible motion forward to keep us all in check, but as far as the Universe is concerned I think over time, we will realise another form of measure. Whatever it maybe.
I mentioned before that to me time is nothing, it is virtual anomaly, it is a human creation, the foundation of a stable society. Without time the world would not work, we would not be able to schedule, to plan, to develop as effectively as we do. But can the time we use on Earth be used throughout the Universe, I know people will call me crazy but I don’t think so, time is a human perspective, it is the repetitive motion of our planet, around the Sun. We base time on the revolutions of our planet, which is 24 hours. We then use the cycles of the Moon to roughly create the months, then we use the long cycle the cycle around the Sun to create years. We use years for everything; how far light travels in a year, how old the Universe is, but for some weird reason I feel we cannot use time for before we existed and before the Earth orbited the Sun. OK it is a mad idea but everything before the birth of civilised humanity or the Sun, is retrospective, in a weird sort of way. I know we can theorise about the age of things far from Earth, but it is incredibly vague, we may think it is precise, but how precise it is? I don’t know, maybe a cosmologist will start screaming at me and my thoughts, but that is all it is thoughts. I am probably wrong, but it all doesn’t seem right to me.
So in conclusion, we need time on planet Earth it is the invisible motion forward to keep us all in check, but as far as the Universe is concerned I think over time, we will realise another form of measure. Whatever it maybe.
Saturday 2 October 2010
Life so full of grace.
Found this poem on one of my note pads, don’t even remember writing it, but I like it in a weird sort of way.
Life so full of grace,
Yet fleeting in its haste,
We dance the dance,
We play the games,
We laugh, we sing,
We feel we can do almost anything.
But then we lay down at the end,
The final part we have to mend,
We have laughed and cried, we made new friends,
Our journey of mysterious blend,
The last dying flicker, the last long bend,
What lies in stone, will surely send,
Us all into oblivion.
Friday 1 October 2010
Religion – What does it all mean?
I will freely admit I have given religion a hard time in my blog; I have ridiculed it, demonised it, and basically tried to make everyone glaring aware of how bad I think religion is for society. You don’t have to look far to see why I have come to this conclusion, more death than anyone could ever imagine has been caused through religion. More misery, more pain, more heartache, more torment and torture, so why do people still like it?
I know there are the vast majority of religious folk, who gain some kind of love, emotional attachment, a bond, a kindness and friendship, in believing in their chosen religion. But let’s be honest here, they are few and far between. Most if they were allowed to be honest, hate religion, hate how it suppresses them, hate how it makes them pretend to be something they are not. Imagine how frightening it must be to be gay living in Alabama, holy shit, thank god I’m not gay, and thank god I don’t live in Alabama.
Imagine what it is like to be a young woman living in the Middle East, she has just been raped by a man, she is frightened, scared to death, yet she is judged by her religion to be the one at fault. How scary is that, when we live in a supposed civilised world. What about the Asian girl from Manchester, who is told she will be marrying, a man twice her age, from a country she knows little about, she is made aware that this man owns her and can do anything he wants to her. She has no choice but to marry him, if she doesn’t she is banished, excommunicated from her family, she may even be murdered.
Think of the family in Africa, they are poor and have nothing, they are told that contraception is a sin and that they will go to hell. Yet they live in hell, with eight children, the mother has Aids and the father, well he died years ago. The children, they have to learn the ways of the tribe, they are forced into having life shattering mutilations, performed on them before they are of age.
I could go on, I am sure that most of the people who are religious, and do get some kind of kindred spirit from believing in god, whatever the god maybe. I am sure they are decent, nice people, who would never want to harm a soul. But it’s unfortunate that they mask the evil of others, they allow it to fester and grow, because they do nothing to stamp it out. Maybe if religion was there to benefit humans instead of itself, I would think differently, but religion is selfish, it is cruel and it is illogical.
I will never understand religion, even when I was young I thought the whole business preposterous, total rubbish, and I suspect most others do to, whether they would like to admit or not.
I know there are the vast majority of religious folk, who gain some kind of love, emotional attachment, a bond, a kindness and friendship, in believing in their chosen religion. But let’s be honest here, they are few and far between. Most if they were allowed to be honest, hate religion, hate how it suppresses them, hate how it makes them pretend to be something they are not. Imagine how frightening it must be to be gay living in Alabama, holy shit, thank god I’m not gay, and thank god I don’t live in Alabama.
Imagine what it is like to be a young woman living in the Middle East, she has just been raped by a man, she is frightened, scared to death, yet she is judged by her religion to be the one at fault. How scary is that, when we live in a supposed civilised world. What about the Asian girl from Manchester, who is told she will be marrying, a man twice her age, from a country she knows little about, she is made aware that this man owns her and can do anything he wants to her. She has no choice but to marry him, if she doesn’t she is banished, excommunicated from her family, she may even be murdered.
Think of the family in Africa, they are poor and have nothing, they are told that contraception is a sin and that they will go to hell. Yet they live in hell, with eight children, the mother has Aids and the father, well he died years ago. The children, they have to learn the ways of the tribe, they are forced into having life shattering mutilations, performed on them before they are of age.
I could go on, I am sure that most of the people who are religious, and do get some kind of kindred spirit from believing in god, whatever the god maybe. I am sure they are decent, nice people, who would never want to harm a soul. But it’s unfortunate that they mask the evil of others, they allow it to fester and grow, because they do nothing to stamp it out. Maybe if religion was there to benefit humans instead of itself, I would think differently, but religion is selfish, it is cruel and it is illogical.
I will never understand religion, even when I was young I thought the whole business preposterous, total rubbish, and I suspect most others do to, whether they would like to admit or not.
The Wonder of Everything
Do you ever marvel at the beauty of our Planet? Do you ever gasp in wonder at all that you see around you? We are blessed to have such incredible splendour throughout the globe. In some ways the grace and elegance of our planet enlightens my mind but also haunts my soul. I want to see all the magnificence the world has to offer, yet I feel sometimes that it is unreachable. Now I crave a yearning and desire to see the world, our beautiful blue Planet, Planet Earth.
I want to see Stonehenge, and Machu Picchu, the Grand Canyon, and Mount Everest. I want to stand at the top of the Empire State Building, or gaze over Los Angeles from the Hollywood sign. I want to swim through the Great Barrier Reef, and climb Kilimanjaro, watch the Northern Lights swoon across the sky, and swim with Dolphins.
I want to travel across Europe and visit the great cities, I want to marvel at the Sistine Chapel, and stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I want to fly over the Nazca Lines, and walk over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, as well as bungee jump in New Zealand. I want to walk along the Great Wall of China, and stare aghast at the super skyscrapers in Bahrain and Abu Dhabi.
The list is endless, and if I was to continue to name everything in this amazing world I want to see, I would be writing for a week.
I realised that my life was not going to give me the pleasure of seeing these gifts of the world, unless I changed it. Though changing it has brought its own problems, and difficulties, I feel I will eventually be able to hopefully live out my dreams, instead of just imagining them. That is the hard part though, changing deep set beliefs and safety mechanisms, to try and make me a better person and hopefully one day I will be able to put my issues behind me, and move forward.
Even when all you see is darkness, you have to believe that there is a light at the end, even if the light is faint, almost invisible, you have to always believe, positively. I have to believe that there is a light, and that I will be able to accomplish my dreams and desires, the day I stop believing is the day I fade away and die.
I am not ready to die yet, I will succeed, that pushes me to get well, to not give in and become full of despair, and gloom. I will not fail, although, it seems as though the journey is difficult, and harder than I ever imagined it to be. But I will never give up hope, and that will drive me to succeed, and eventually whenever it may be, I will see the wonder of everything.
I want to see Stonehenge, and Machu Picchu, the Grand Canyon, and Mount Everest. I want to stand at the top of the Empire State Building, or gaze over Los Angeles from the Hollywood sign. I want to swim through the Great Barrier Reef, and climb Kilimanjaro, watch the Northern Lights swoon across the sky, and swim with Dolphins.
I want to travel across Europe and visit the great cities, I want to marvel at the Sistine Chapel, and stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I want to fly over the Nazca Lines, and walk over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, as well as bungee jump in New Zealand. I want to walk along the Great Wall of China, and stare aghast at the super skyscrapers in Bahrain and Abu Dhabi.
The list is endless, and if I was to continue to name everything in this amazing world I want to see, I would be writing for a week.
I realised that my life was not going to give me the pleasure of seeing these gifts of the world, unless I changed it. Though changing it has brought its own problems, and difficulties, I feel I will eventually be able to hopefully live out my dreams, instead of just imagining them. That is the hard part though, changing deep set beliefs and safety mechanisms, to try and make me a better person and hopefully one day I will be able to put my issues behind me, and move forward.
Even when all you see is darkness, you have to believe that there is a light at the end, even if the light is faint, almost invisible, you have to always believe, positively. I have to believe that there is a light, and that I will be able to accomplish my dreams and desires, the day I stop believing is the day I fade away and die.
I am not ready to die yet, I will succeed, that pushes me to get well, to not give in and become full of despair, and gloom. I will not fail, although, it seems as though the journey is difficult, and harder than I ever imagined it to be. But I will never give up hope, and that will drive me to succeed, and eventually whenever it may be, I will see the wonder of everything.
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